Calamity Janie
@calamityjanie.bsky.social
I am a middle-aged woman who is trying to learn to laugh at herself.
I’m tired of all the AI charcuterie boards on Facebook.
December 27, 2025 at 4:35 AM
I’m tired of all the AI charcuterie boards on Facebook.
Love is when you blow up a bunch of stuff on your farm with a megabomb in Stardew Valley and your husband helps you restart the day so that it never happened
December 13, 2025 at 4:53 AM
Love is when you blow up a bunch of stuff on your farm with a megabomb in Stardew Valley and your husband helps you restart the day so that it never happened
I was once given a gingerbread house kit in my 20s and I ended up just eating the ingredients out of the box
December 12, 2025 at 11:11 PM
I was once given a gingerbread house kit in my 20s and I ended up just eating the ingredients out of the box
Husband: They should make a sequel to Fight Club but instead they’re all zombies and it’s called Fright Club
October 25, 2025 at 4:55 AM
Husband: They should make a sequel to Fight Club but instead they’re all zombies and it’s called Fright Club
I emailed the IT guy because my work laptop’s webcam was showing a black screen during a Teams meeting. Y’all, I had the privacy cover on.
October 8, 2025 at 3:04 AM
I emailed the IT guy because my work laptop’s webcam was showing a black screen during a Teams meeting. Y’all, I had the privacy cover on.
My husband wants to take me to one of those haunted attractions where people jump out at you to see if it will cure my hiccups once and for all
October 6, 2025 at 1:35 AM
My husband wants to take me to one of those haunted attractions where people jump out at you to see if it will cure my hiccups once and for all
Halloween is on a Friday. Is anyone celebrating that Saturday? I don’t think so, because that’s already November 1 and Halloween is over. Right?
September 26, 2025 at 4:06 AM
Halloween is on a Friday. Is anyone celebrating that Saturday? I don’t think so, because that’s already November 1 and Halloween is over. Right?
I did a boomer thing and texted a google link instead of the actual website
September 16, 2025 at 3:23 AM
I did a boomer thing and texted a google link instead of the actual website
My sister has a melted lipstick in the center console of her car. Lol
September 14, 2025 at 3:22 AM
My sister has a melted lipstick in the center console of her car. Lol
I did the boomer thing and created a Facebook avatar.
September 9, 2025 at 3:18 AM
I did the boomer thing and created a Facebook avatar.
Someone sent me plackers in the mail and I’m not sure if this is a joke or not
September 6, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Someone sent me plackers in the mail and I’m not sure if this is a joke or not
My instagram feed: how to look good with no makeup!
Person proceeds to put on makeup
Person proceeds to put on makeup
August 30, 2025 at 3:21 AM
My instagram feed: how to look good with no makeup!
Person proceeds to put on makeup
Person proceeds to put on makeup
I woke up at 5:00 a.m. this morning to go to the airport. I put my pants on backwards like Kris Kross and I didn’t notice until I went through TSA. I am so cool.
August 26, 2025 at 1:27 AM
I woke up at 5:00 a.m. this morning to go to the airport. I put my pants on backwards like Kris Kross and I didn’t notice until I went through TSA. I am so cool.
I miss real soap
August 22, 2025 at 3:29 AM
I miss real soap
My husband said he had an idea: a floating billiards table so you can play pool in the pool
August 17, 2025 at 4:52 PM
My husband said he had an idea: a floating billiards table so you can play pool in the pool
I said “ow” when I clipped one of my toenails too short and my husband said “you need to stop when you get to the rind”
August 15, 2025 at 3:49 AM
I said “ow” when I clipped one of my toenails too short and my husband said “you need to stop when you get to the rind”
My husband received a robocall today and he yelled at them, “Are you a robot?” What’s your prime directive?” “Are you programmed to harm humans?” “What is the square root of pi?” “Sing me a song in Spanish!!”
August 13, 2025 at 2:39 AM
My husband received a robocall today and he yelled at them, “Are you a robot?” What’s your prime directive?” “Are you programmed to harm humans?” “What is the square root of pi?” “Sing me a song in Spanish!!”
It’s nice to finally be recognized
August 8, 2025 at 3:23 AM
It’s nice to finally be recognized
Today when I parked at the dentist I saw that my car’s mileage said “BOOOB”
August 6, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Today when I parked at the dentist I saw that my car’s mileage said “BOOOB”
Spider-man wouldn’t let him gobble 😔
August 3, 2025 at 2:25 AM
Spider-man wouldn’t let him gobble 😔
My husband turned on his alarm clock for tomorrow and then he realized “oh sh*t I don’t have to turn on the alarm, today’s Friday”
Then he exclaimed, “false alarm!”
Then he exclaimed, “false alarm!”
August 2, 2025 at 2:09 AM
My husband turned on his alarm clock for tomorrow and then he realized “oh sh*t I don’t have to turn on the alarm, today’s Friday”
Then he exclaimed, “false alarm!”
Then he exclaimed, “false alarm!”
Husband: “How was your donut this morning?”
Me (feeling myself caught): “I don’t like this tracking app anymore!”
Me (feeling myself caught): “I don’t like this tracking app anymore!”
July 26, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Husband: “How was your donut this morning?”
Me (feeling myself caught): “I don’t like this tracking app anymore!”
Me (feeling myself caught): “I don’t like this tracking app anymore!”
It’s nice to stretch in between cry sessions
July 24, 2025 at 4:06 AM
It’s nice to stretch in between cry sessions
I received three perfume samples with a recent purchase, and I told my husband that I think they all smell good.
He said, “Of course they’re all going to smell good, they’re not going to throw one in there that smells like farts”
He said, “Of course they’re all going to smell good, they’re not going to throw one in there that smells like farts”
July 22, 2025 at 2:54 AM
I received three perfume samples with a recent purchase, and I told my husband that I think they all smell good.
He said, “Of course they’re all going to smell good, they’re not going to throw one in there that smells like farts”
He said, “Of course they’re all going to smell good, they’re not going to throw one in there that smells like farts”
*Watching a video of someone putting on a vintage dress*
Me: “I don’t know how my algorithm got so weird”
Husband: “Really? My algorithm is all about climate change.”
Me: “huh.”
Husband: “Oh wait I meant my Al Gore Rhythm”
Me: “I don’t know how my algorithm got so weird”
Husband: “Really? My algorithm is all about climate change.”
Me: “huh.”
Husband: “Oh wait I meant my Al Gore Rhythm”
July 19, 2025 at 4:40 AM
*Watching a video of someone putting on a vintage dress*
Me: “I don’t know how my algorithm got so weird”
Husband: “Really? My algorithm is all about climate change.”
Me: “huh.”
Husband: “Oh wait I meant my Al Gore Rhythm”
Me: “I don’t know how my algorithm got so weird”
Husband: “Really? My algorithm is all about climate change.”
Me: “huh.”
Husband: “Oh wait I meant my Al Gore Rhythm”