My neighbor is way too gracious when accepting his uber eats. I can hear him across the hall saying shit like bless you. Let's leave the Lord out of this, you're getting a blended bird nugget via bicycle slavery.
January 24, 2025 at 3:39 PM
My neighbor is way too gracious when accepting his uber eats. I can hear him across the hall saying shit like bless you. Let's leave the Lord out of this, you're getting a blended bird nugget via bicycle slavery.
Never trust a person with an outie belly button
January 22, 2025 at 1:44 PM
Never trust a person with an outie belly button
Plastic grocery bags are a nono but garbage bags are still cool. Hey put all your garbage in this giant piece of garbage. That way all the garbage is together.
January 20, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Plastic grocery bags are a nono but garbage bags are still cool. Hey put all your garbage in this giant piece of garbage. That way all the garbage is together.
Got some shirts that I'm too insecure to wear out of the house. Dunno why I feel like some sort of RuPaul flash mob is gonna verbally evisorate but that's life.
January 18, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Got some shirts that I'm too insecure to wear out of the house. Dunno why I feel like some sort of RuPaul flash mob is gonna verbally evisorate but that's life.
Just rewatched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I had forgotten how many kids died in that factory. It's a lot. At least by Western standards.
January 17, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Just rewatched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I had forgotten how many kids died in that factory. It's a lot. At least by Western standards.
Brussel sprouts have had the biggest glow up since the 90s. To think people used to talk shit.
January 17, 2025 at 5:40 PM
Brussel sprouts have had the biggest glow up since the 90s. To think people used to talk shit.
Did you know the first bedframe was actually designed to slay ancient Greek hero Achilles?
January 14, 2025 at 7:34 PM
Did you know the first bedframe was actually designed to slay ancient Greek hero Achilles?
Finally through the power of A.I. I can create the Muppets erotica I've always dreamt of
January 14, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Finally through the power of A.I. I can create the Muppets erotica I've always dreamt of
Sometimes I wish stand up was like painting where if the audience doesn't get it they feel insecure and stupid instead of me
January 8, 2025 at 4:13 PM
Sometimes I wish stand up was like painting where if the audience doesn't get it they feel insecure and stupid instead of me
Pescatarians on fish "yes they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell"
January 8, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Pescatarians on fish "yes they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell"
Can't wait till Gen Beta comes after Gen Z. That skidibi toilet talk gonna be weaponized heavily.
January 4, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Can't wait till Gen Beta comes after Gen Z. That skidibi toilet talk gonna be weaponized heavily.
Had a relative teleconference in to ruin the holidays via zoom
January 3, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Had a relative teleconference in to ruin the holidays via zoom
I've been critical of astrology but then the other day I got absolutely rocked by a fortune cookie
January 1, 2025 at 3:58 PM
I've been critical of astrology but then the other day I got absolutely rocked by a fortune cookie
The main reason I want to have a car is to subject people to my music taste
December 28, 2024 at 8:44 PM
The main reason I want to have a car is to subject people to my music taste
Anything I have posted in the past 48 hours is coming from the depths of a carbohydrate induced fugue state. My apologies.
December 27, 2024 at 1:22 PM
Anything I have posted in the past 48 hours is coming from the depths of a carbohydrate induced fugue state. My apologies.
Ahh the purgatory between Christmas and New Years. Welcome back old friend.
December 26, 2024 at 1:28 PM
Ahh the purgatory between Christmas and New Years. Welcome back old friend.
The scientifically optimal time for soaking dishes is 6-10 business days
December 24, 2024 at 10:59 PM
The scientifically optimal time for soaking dishes is 6-10 business days
‘Twas the day before Christmas, when all thro’ the house,
Everyone was absolutely frantically stirring
Everyone was absolutely frantically stirring
December 24, 2024 at 3:16 PM
‘Twas the day before Christmas, when all thro’ the house,
Everyone was absolutely frantically stirring
Everyone was absolutely frantically stirring
Had an old bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup in the fridge. Feels different seeing her these days.
Pancakes are too decadent of a meal to be confronted with the crimes of my ancestors.
Pancakes are too decadent of a meal to be confronted with the crimes of my ancestors.
December 23, 2024 at 3:48 PM
Had an old bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup in the fridge. Feels different seeing her these days.
Pancakes are too decadent of a meal to be confronted with the crimes of my ancestors.
Pancakes are too decadent of a meal to be confronted with the crimes of my ancestors.
Whoever is doing the upholstery on the bus gotta chill out
December 22, 2024 at 11:26 PM
Whoever is doing the upholstery on the bus gotta chill out
Who do I follow on here to see the odd public freak out and maybe a few golf cart accidents?
December 22, 2024 at 3:02 AM
Who do I follow on here to see the odd public freak out and maybe a few golf cart accidents?
Revolutionary comedic idea. White guy dissects the lyrics of rap music with humerous results. Plz no one else do this, ty.
December 22, 2024 at 12:30 AM
Revolutionary comedic idea. White guy dissects the lyrics of rap music with humerous results. Plz no one else do this, ty.
Christmas is the time of year when you get reminded just how far from ideal your family is.
On TV everyone is in PJs sipping hot coco meanwhile you're in verbal combat with your uncle over fluoridated water.
On TV everyone is in PJs sipping hot coco meanwhile you're in verbal combat with your uncle over fluoridated water.
December 20, 2024 at 6:32 PM
Christmas is the time of year when you get reminded just how far from ideal your family is.
On TV everyone is in PJs sipping hot coco meanwhile you're in verbal combat with your uncle over fluoridated water.
On TV everyone is in PJs sipping hot coco meanwhile you're in verbal combat with your uncle over fluoridated water.
An advent calendar but it's full of random drugs in unknowable quantities
December 20, 2024 at 5:37 PM
An advent calendar but it's full of random drugs in unknowable quantities
Street preachers have seen the light of Jesus but rarely can figure out the gain on their microphones
December 19, 2024 at 4:06 PM
Street preachers have seen the light of Jesus but rarely can figure out the gain on their microphones