Feels like I’ve been walking around barely holding anything together lately. Feels like everyone hates me & every little thing is off kilter. Feels like my own brain is my worst enemy. I wish I could do something. I wish I didn’t feel so alone.
September 10, 2025 at 5:26 AM
Feels like I’ve been walking around barely holding anything together lately. Feels like everyone hates me & every little thing is off kilter. Feels like my own brain is my worst enemy. I wish I could do something. I wish I didn’t feel so alone.
I literally feel so ugly all the fucking time you just have to laugh. No amount of make up or a cute outfit or whatever will save me from my brain.
August 23, 2025 at 10:42 PM
I literally feel so ugly all the fucking time you just have to laugh. No amount of make up or a cute outfit or whatever will save me from my brain.
Feels so bizarre to see people close to me not say a damn thing about a genocide that is being recorded for all of us to see. Sharing resources or information is quite literally the least any of us can do.
August 23, 2025 at 10:02 PM
Feels so bizarre to see people close to me not say a damn thing about a genocide that is being recorded for all of us to see. Sharing resources or information is quite literally the least any of us can do.
I really do have to calm myself down whenever I feel like the people closest to me are “rejecting” me & it’s over the stupidest things that I know (hope) are not what I’m making them out to be in my head. It’s truly pathetic how deeply the slightest sign of something being off balance can hurt me.
August 17, 2025 at 5:06 AM
I really do have to calm myself down whenever I feel like the people closest to me are “rejecting” me & it’s over the stupidest things that I know (hope) are not what I’m making them out to be in my head. It’s truly pathetic how deeply the slightest sign of something being off balance can hurt me.
Reading yet another book that’s making me spiral about the things that hurt me most in this world. I keep hoping these informative books will help me heal, but I fear I am too stupid to do anything with the information in them other than internalize how they relate to me.
August 17, 2025 at 5:02 AM
Reading yet another book that’s making me spiral about the things that hurt me most in this world. I keep hoping these informative books will help me heal, but I fear I am too stupid to do anything with the information in them other than internalize how they relate to me.
God, sometimes it scares me how good I am at acting fine.
August 17, 2025 at 4:59 AM
God, sometimes it scares me how good I am at acting fine.
So difficult seeing pictures of myself before losing all this weight and knowing the obsessive place my brain & body have been in this entire year. I’ve gotten so good at hiding it & making it all seem normal & healthy.
August 6, 2025 at 4:48 AM
So difficult seeing pictures of myself before losing all this weight and knowing the obsessive place my brain & body have been in this entire year. I’ve gotten so good at hiding it & making it all seem normal & healthy.
Call Your Mom, Trust Me Mate, How to Save a Life… yeah
July 27, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Call Your Mom, Trust Me Mate, How to Save a Life… yeah
I don’t get why I can’t let people care for me *sigh*
July 27, 2025 at 10:23 PM
I don’t get why I can’t let people care for me *sigh*
I am so scared of doing something wrong in every single one of my relationships & it’s inevitable & so scary when it happens
June 18, 2025 at 5:13 AM
I am so scared of doing something wrong in every single one of my relationships & it’s inevitable & so scary when it happens
People will post the worst fucking eating disorder related shit online & not even blink twice. It’s crazy how fucked up it makes me.
June 6, 2025 at 11:42 PM
People will post the worst fucking eating disorder related shit online & not even blink twice. It’s crazy how fucked up it makes me.
Birthdays have turned into something so complicated for me since coming out of the fog. How can I celebrate something that is so rooted in the things I will never know about myself. Things that were taken from me while I had no say.
June 6, 2025 at 5:18 AM
Birthdays have turned into something so complicated for me since coming out of the fog. How can I celebrate something that is so rooted in the things I will never know about myself. Things that were taken from me while I had no say.
Two funerals in the span of one week - both for people who died way too young & far too suddenly - is crazy. *sigh*
May 20, 2025 at 2:50 AM
Two funerals in the span of one week - both for people who died way too young & far too suddenly - is crazy. *sigh*
It is so sad knowing that I move through the world without anyone really knowing me & I know that the likelihood is high that I’m going to go out the same way.
May 15, 2025 at 7:49 AM
It is so sad knowing that I move through the world without anyone really knowing me & I know that the likelihood is high that I’m going to go out the same way.
I hold such envy towards people who have never experienced the death of a parent lmao … it’s just such a wild concept to me.
May 14, 2025 at 2:19 AM
I hold such envy towards people who have never experienced the death of a parent lmao … it’s just such a wild concept to me.
This makes me so happy.
May 13, 2025 at 5:27 PM
This makes me so happy.
Almost 7pm & I have not eaten a single thing & have no appetite…. cool, cool, cool.
April 22, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Almost 7pm & I have not eaten a single thing & have no appetite…. cool, cool, cool.
Feeling particularly fragile right now & every perceived tone change from the people closest to me is making me think I’m the most irritating human alive.
April 20, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Feeling particularly fragile right now & every perceived tone change from the people closest to me is making me think I’m the most irritating human alive.
Mercifully have Monday off because of Passover so I can do what I do every 4/14 & spend the day trying not to remember it’s the day my mother ceased to exist. 😁
April 10, 2025 at 11:50 PM
Mercifully have Monday off because of Passover so I can do what I do every 4/14 & spend the day trying not to remember it’s the day my mother ceased to exist. 😁
So unbelievably grateful for music.
April 10, 2025 at 4:15 AM
So unbelievably grateful for music.
I could never ask the non-adopted people in my life to ever understand the depths of how alienated I feel because of how I came to be in their lives, but I do deeply resent & regret the ways I have made it easier for them to think that I do not think my trajectory has harmed me in any way.
April 7, 2025 at 4:20 AM
I could never ask the non-adopted people in my life to ever understand the depths of how alienated I feel because of how I came to be in their lives, but I do deeply resent & regret the ways I have made it easier for them to think that I do not think my trajectory has harmed me in any way.
Amazes me the way I have zero appetite these days. Literally forcing myself to pretend I feel joyous about food is ridiculous.
April 6, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Amazes me the way I have zero appetite these days. Literally forcing myself to pretend I feel joyous about food is ridiculous.
The longer I live the less I want anyone to know about me.
April 4, 2025 at 11:40 PM
The longer I live the less I want anyone to know about me.
Been trying to actively ignore the things that make this month one of my least favorite of the year but it’s literally impossible. I’m the worst daughter ever. It just hurts so much to live in grief so deeply all the time. I can’t afford to delve further into it every April.
April 2, 2025 at 4:59 AM
Been trying to actively ignore the things that make this month one of my least favorite of the year but it’s literally impossible. I’m the worst daughter ever. It just hurts so much to live in grief so deeply all the time. I can’t afford to delve further into it every April.
I want to find the courage to share the things I write so badly but 1. I don’t think any of it is particularly high caliber writing & 2. I can’t imagine allowing the people who know me access to my thoughts in that way.
March 30, 2025 at 3:45 PM
I want to find the courage to share the things I write so badly but 1. I don’t think any of it is particularly high caliber writing & 2. I can’t imagine allowing the people who know me access to my thoughts in that way.