So far my child has stolen a piece of lumber, insulted a mom’s cooking at a play date, and ripped up his summer reading log. School has been out for 34 hours

I have pneumonia and Spotify mocks me

Look, I cannot be held responsible for how excited I get about fried okra (I just said “Fuck, yes” in a Walmart)

Love finding notes from my son out of context

She tried to fight the weed eater (she’s fine). Being an idiot is exhausting

Power has been out since this afternoon and it has gotten chilly (not cold) so there are two adults, a 6 year-old and a whippet in the king size bed. Guess which one is taking up the most space. Hint: it is the 25 lb dog

Snow day

Yes, we have lost our minds a little over here. Got this book from the library and was like “Cool, cool, sure, why not, hold up WHAT?!”

My wife is trying to talk me into getting chickens. Please send help

Got my election year shirt

Still working on our selfie game

Stole a carrot from the garden. Has no regrets