nobody in all my years of being bullied by people have ever been as mean and hateful to me as I am to myself. The most horrible things that have ever been said to and about me, have in fact been said by me to me.

I haven't really felt much better since then, but I had a med check-up appointment and they are changing some of my meds up, and I'm getting back into therapy.

However I had a breakdown, and I put my glock to my head. I almost turned out the lights for good that night, and only the thought of what that would do to Crys and Everest kept me from pulling the trigger.

A few weeks back in early October-ish, it got to the lowest point I think it's ever been. It caused a fight between me and Crys. It wasn't her fault, it was mine, but I don't really remember what we were arguing about.

My depression has been really bad the last few months, and everything has just kind of piled on this year with one bad thing after another. It has been tough and our family has gone through a lot of changes and hard times this year.