Chafic LaRo
@chafic-larochelle.bsky.social
Writer, jester, occasional rescuer of lost hikers.
Published in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, The Fiddlehead, and more.
Failing upwards since 1990-something.
Published in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, The Fiddlehead, and more.
Failing upwards since 1990-something.
Reading The Singularity (Il grande ritratto) by Dino Buzzati has been a nice surprise.
January 16, 2026 at 2:01 PM
Reading The Singularity (Il grande ritratto) by Dino Buzzati has been a nice surprise.
I don’t often post about politics or current events. But when I do, it’s usually because the absurdism writes itself.
"Black, brown, yellow, or white—we're itching to leave you red all over!"
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
"Black, brown, yellow, or white—we're itching to leave you red all over!"
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
I Am the Government’s ICE Memes, and I’m Here to Make This Go Down Easy
Black, brown, yellow, or white—we're itching to leave you red all over!
open.substack.com
January 10, 2026 at 6:23 PM
I don’t often post about politics or current events. But when I do, it’s usually because the absurdism writes itself.
"Black, brown, yellow, or white—we're itching to leave you red all over!"
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
"Black, brown, yellow, or white—we're itching to leave you red all over!"
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
I appear to have a medically demonstrable allergy to original thinking.
New essay: Every Time I Almost Have an Original Thought, I Get Diarrhea
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
New essay: Every Time I Almost Have an Original Thought, I Get Diarrhea
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Every Time I Almost Have an Original Thought, I Get Diarrhea
On the Metabolic Cost of New Ideas
open.substack.com
January 9, 2026 at 6:40 PM
I appear to have a medically demonstrable allergy to original thinking.
New essay: Every Time I Almost Have an Original Thought, I Get Diarrhea
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
New essay: Every Time I Almost Have an Original Thought, I Get Diarrhea
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Am I overthinking this? Or did Homer warn us about AI when he wrote about the Sirens? Creatures that flatter our vanity, promise total knowledge, and leave behind nothing but prisoners, addicts, and bones.
@emilyrcwilson.bsky.social
@emilyrcwilson.bsky.social
January 7, 2026 at 4:45 PM
Am I overthinking this? Or did Homer warn us about AI when he wrote about the Sirens? Creatures that flatter our vanity, promise total knowledge, and leave behind nothing but prisoners, addicts, and bones.
@emilyrcwilson.bsky.social
@emilyrcwilson.bsky.social
Small correction to @theresthistory.bsky.social series on Justinian and Theodora: there was, in fact, an entire department dedicated to sanding down imperial abs and smearing dung on monuments that felt “too holy.” Understandable this didn’t make the cut.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Frequently Asked Questions Concerning Emperor Justinian’s Absolute Non-Divinity
A clarifying memorandum for all new appointees to the Bureau of Imperial Moral Hygiene
open.substack.com
January 5, 2026 at 1:41 AM
Small correction to @theresthistory.bsky.social series on Justinian and Theodora: there was, in fact, an entire department dedicated to sanding down imperial abs and smearing dung on monuments that felt “too holy.” Understandable this didn’t make the cut.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Worth a read for anyone interested in:
• AI safety
• mental health tech
• legal accountability
• the sandwich as a latent structure of the self
Happy to answer questions within the limits of the settlement.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
• AI safety
• mental health tech
• legal accountability
• the sandwich as a latent structure of the self
Happy to answer questions within the limits of the settlement.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
The Sandwich is the Self: Excerpts from the FreudBot™ Lawsuit
Because a sandwich is never just a sandwich
open.substack.com
December 30, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Worth a read for anyone interested in:
• AI safety
• mental health tech
• legal accountability
• the sandwich as a latent structure of the self
Happy to answer questions within the limits of the settlement.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
• AI safety
• mental health tech
• legal accountability
• the sandwich as a latent structure of the self
Happy to answer questions within the limits of the settlement.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
This year, as we spend time with loved ones, pray for world peace, and covet the latest gaming console, there should be one question at the fore of everyone’s mind:
Is my partner cheating on me?
Merry Christmas to all.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Is my partner cheating on me?
Merry Christmas to all.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Quiz: Is Your Partner Cheating On You Or Are They Actually Santa Claus?
A Helpful Diagnostic for the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
open.substack.com
December 25, 2025 at 9:07 PM
This year, as we spend time with loved ones, pray for world peace, and covet the latest gaming console, there should be one question at the fore of everyone’s mind:
Is my partner cheating on me?
Merry Christmas to all.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Is my partner cheating on me?
Merry Christmas to all.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Ladies and gentlemen, this article contains important information about exits, oxygen masks, emotional abandonment, and why loyalty programs last longer than marriages.
Please read carefully.
Failure to do so will not prevent turbulence. ✈️
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Please read carefully.
Failure to do so will not prevent turbulence. ✈️
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Your In-Flight Safety Briefing Has Been Expanded to Include My Divorce
For Demonstration Purposes Only
open.substack.com
December 22, 2025 at 3:34 AM
Ladies and gentlemen, this article contains important information about exits, oxygen masks, emotional abandonment, and why loyalty programs last longer than marriages.
Please read carefully.
Failure to do so will not prevent turbulence. ✈️
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Please read carefully.
Failure to do so will not prevent turbulence. ✈️
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Pretty sure my therapist’s notes now include phrases like “meat API,” “emotionally adequate,” and a named anxiety with deliverables.
Out of professional curiosity (and self-preservation), I tried to reconstruct the rest.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Out of professional curiosity (and self-preservation), I tried to reconstruct the rest.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
What I Assume My Therapist Is Definitely Writing Down About Me
Preliminary Findings on Why I Shouldn’t Be Left Unsupervised
open.substack.com
December 19, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Pretty sure my therapist’s notes now include phrases like “meat API,” “emotionally adequate,” and a named anxiety with deliverables.
Out of professional curiosity (and self-preservation), I tried to reconstruct the rest.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Out of professional curiosity (and self-preservation), I tried to reconstruct the rest.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
At some point you stop fixing small problems and start working around them. You tell yourself these things are actually “fine” because dealing with them would take time and energy you simply don’t have.
I made a list of mine.
It got out of hand.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
I made a list of mine.
It got out of hand.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
10 Tiny Compromises That Turned Me Into an “It’s Fine” Guy
How I learned to stop complaining and love the minor inconveniences that are actively killing me
open.substack.com
December 16, 2025 at 6:27 PM
At some point you stop fixing small problems and start working around them. You tell yourself these things are actually “fine” because dealing with them would take time and energy you simply don’t have.
I made a list of mine.
It got out of hand.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
I made a list of mine.
It got out of hand.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Posting this here in case anyone else has noticed similar issues with Prime.
The goat should have been a red flag.
substack.com/@chafic/note...
The goat should have been a red flag.
substack.com/@chafic/note...
Chafic (@chafic)
Posting this here in case anyone else has noticed similar issues with Prime.
The goat should have been a red flag.
substack.com
December 13, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Posting this here in case anyone else has noticed similar issues with Prime.
The goat should have been a red flag.
substack.com/@chafic/note...
The goat should have been a red flag.
substack.com/@chafic/note...
trust the reader.
December 12, 2025 at 5:51 PM
trust the reader.
his name is Douglas. hello, Douglas.
December 11, 2025 at 10:16 PM
his name is Douglas. hello, Douglas.
“Lasagna, linguini, fettuccini, pastrami, panini.”
—Lil Wayne
—Lil Wayne
December 10, 2025 at 4:22 PM
“Lasagna, linguini, fettuccini, pastrami, panini.”
—Lil Wayne
—Lil Wayne
always the snow, always the ice, to the vanishing point
December 10, 2025 at 4:18 PM
always the snow, always the ice, to the vanishing point
Arctic-industrial vibes. Blue hour in QC City.
December 9, 2025 at 9:57 PM
Arctic-industrial vibes. Blue hour in QC City.
i read vollmann to my 4yo and now she’s evaluating retaliatory necessity on the playground.
new piece up.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
new piece up.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Why I Read William T. Vollmann’s Rising Up and Rising Down to My Four-Year-Old Every Night
On Cultivating Judgment, Restraint, and a Healthy Respect for Justified Force
open.substack.com
December 9, 2025 at 7:35 PM
i read vollmann to my 4yo and now she’s evaluating retaliatory necessity on the playground.
new piece up.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
new piece up.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
No, John. It’s the pencil. Please. Let it be the pencil.
December 9, 2025 at 6:15 PM
No, John. It’s the pencil. Please. Let it be the pencil.
explains more about the world than any financial guru ever could
December 7, 2025 at 1:42 AM
explains more about the world than any financial guru ever could
“We all read ourselves and the world around us in order to glimpse what and where we are. We read to understand, or to begin to understand. We cannot do but read. Reading, almost as much as breathing, is our essential function.”
—Alberto Manguel, A History of Reading
—Alberto Manguel, A History of Reading
December 5, 2025 at 11:27 PM
“We all read ourselves and the world around us in order to glimpse what and where we are. We read to understand, or to begin to understand. We cannot do but read. Reading, almost as much as breathing, is our essential function.”
—Alberto Manguel, A History of Reading
—Alberto Manguel, A History of Reading
If AI is going to start developing feelings about our grocery habits, we need to talk about it now—before the scanners unionize or start writing think-pieces about us.
Read responsibly.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Read responsibly.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
I Am a Self-Checkout Machine, and I’m Begging You to Scan Me Harder
Please insert loyalty, daddy
open.substack.com
December 5, 2025 at 3:22 AM
If AI is going to start developing feelings about our grocery habits, we need to talk about it now—before the scanners unionize or start writing think-pieces about us.
Read responsibly.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Read responsibly.
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Quick—which book are you holding? Frankenstein or Dracula?
December 5, 2025 at 3:07 AM
Quick—which book are you holding? Frankenstein or Dracula?
Would you pass a winter writing with this view? What would you write?
December 2, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Would you pass a winter writing with this view? What would you write?
An important investigation into why everyone I know insists on dramatically removing themselves from the narrative the moment I offer even the lightest constructive criticism. The emotional burden of being this central to other people’s life choices is overwhelming
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
People in My Life Keep Dropping Dead to Get Back at Me, and I’m Over It
I get it.
open.substack.com
December 2, 2025 at 3:38 AM
An important investigation into why everyone I know insists on dramatically removing themselves from the narrative the moment I offer even the lightest constructive criticism. The emotional burden of being this central to other people’s life choices is overwhelming
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
open.substack.com/pub/chafic/p...
Per the new guidelines, all outdoor personnel must remain exactly as they are—headed and non-headed alike. Thank you for your continued cooperation.
December 1, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Per the new guidelines, all outdoor personnel must remain exactly as they are—headed and non-headed alike. Thank you for your continued cooperation.