Chainsaw Lawyer
@chainsawlawyer.bsky.social
I've got plenty of antiauthoritarianism and wholesome dad vibes to go around
I need to have these printed out to give to gentrifiers
March 19, 2025 at 9:01 PM
I need to have these printed out to give to gentrifiers
Your honor, IDGAF. Defense rests.
March 16, 2025 at 2:49 AM
Your honor, IDGAF. Defense rests.
Cigar + Tecate = A good Saturday night for an elder millennial
March 16, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Cigar + Tecate = A good Saturday night for an elder millennial
I keep a box of these in my trunk to give to deserving folks
March 4, 2025 at 11:32 PM
I keep a box of these in my trunk to give to deserving folks
Is it just me or does Mayor Whitmire look like a really pink Nosferatu?
February 27, 2025 at 3:50 AM
Is it just me or does Mayor Whitmire look like a really pink Nosferatu?
I don't normally like to brag but this morning in trial I did a voir dire so good that the state motioned for a dismissal and claimed that the officer suddenly realized his memory wasn't as good as he thought
Really living my best life rn
Really living my best life rn
February 26, 2025 at 12:02 AM
I don't normally like to brag but this morning in trial I did a voir dire so good that the state motioned for a dismissal and claimed that the officer suddenly realized his memory wasn't as good as he thought
Really living my best life rn
Really living my best life rn
It sure is fascinating how much of my job is basically trying to keep the government from extorting poor people
Anyway, don't forget to stand up and put your hand over your heart when they play the national anthem
Anyway, don't forget to stand up and put your hand over your heart when they play the national anthem
February 13, 2025 at 2:23 PM
It sure is fascinating how much of my job is basically trying to keep the government from extorting poor people
Anyway, don't forget to stand up and put your hand over your heart when they play the national anthem
Anyway, don't forget to stand up and put your hand over your heart when they play the national anthem
If you're ever feeling like you aren't up to whatever task it is you're facing, remember this:
A person with a fancy title and a big salary decided to have a factory full of people put a shaker top on whole bay leaves.
I promise, you'll do just fine.
A person with a fancy title and a big salary decided to have a factory full of people put a shaker top on whole bay leaves.
I promise, you'll do just fine.
February 7, 2025 at 1:38 AM
If you're ever feeling like you aren't up to whatever task it is you're facing, remember this:
A person with a fancy title and a big salary decided to have a factory full of people put a shaker top on whole bay leaves.
I promise, you'll do just fine.
A person with a fancy title and a big salary decided to have a factory full of people put a shaker top on whole bay leaves.
I promise, you'll do just fine.
No one likes being inundated with ads, yet somehow they're everywhere. How exactly did this happen?
Explain it to me like I'm a second grader.
Explain it to me like I'm a second grader.
February 3, 2025 at 2:48 AM
No one likes being inundated with ads, yet somehow they're everywhere. How exactly did this happen?
Explain it to me like I'm a second grader.
Explain it to me like I'm a second grader.
I hate sounding like an old man but 27 bucks for a snow cone for your kid at a monster truck show is why I'm going to be grumbling and complaining this week. That and back pain. But at least ibuprofen isn't twentyfuckenseven dollars
February 2, 2025 at 11:01 PM
I hate sounding like an old man but 27 bucks for a snow cone for your kid at a monster truck show is why I'm going to be grumbling and complaining this week. That and back pain. But at least ibuprofen isn't twentyfuckenseven dollars
How many people do you suppose Boeing will have to assassinate after all these crashes?
February 1, 2025 at 12:41 AM
How many people do you suppose Boeing will have to assassinate after all these crashes?
If anyone tells you they're from Louisiana but they don't have a bottle of this in their kitchen, they're a cop
January 31, 2025 at 6:27 PM
If anyone tells you they're from Louisiana but they don't have a bottle of this in their kitchen, they're a cop
"Sir, is your phone number enrolled in our rewards program?"
"I really hope not."
"I really hope not."
January 26, 2025 at 2:39 AM
"Sir, is your phone number enrolled in our rewards program?"
"I really hope not."
"I really hope not."
Stepping on someone smaller than you doesn't make you taller, and hurting someone weaker than you doesn't make you stronger.
Tag a bully who needs to hear this
Tag a bully who needs to hear this
January 24, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Stepping on someone smaller than you doesn't make you taller, and hurting someone weaker than you doesn't make you stronger.
Tag a bully who needs to hear this
Tag a bully who needs to hear this
Oh shit, I forgot my Facebook password. I need to practice my sad face in case any boomers ask
January 23, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Oh shit, I forgot my Facebook password. I need to practice my sad face in case any boomers ask
Are there questions you'd like to ask a lawyer? Hit me up if you want me to make videos answering those questions
And if you want it confidential, inbox me at [email protected]
And if you want it confidential, inbox me at [email protected]
January 23, 2025 at 4:47 AM
Are there questions you'd like to ask a lawyer? Hit me up if you want me to make videos answering those questions
And if you want it confidential, inbox me at [email protected]
And if you want it confidential, inbox me at [email protected]
Every time you confess to a crime online, a fed gets their wings.
Also, my friend Swim smashed that order button faster than the ADL defended Hitler salutes.
Also, my friend Swim smashed that order button faster than the ADL defended Hitler salutes.
January 23, 2025 at 4:43 AM
Every time you confess to a crime online, a fed gets their wings.
Also, my friend Swim smashed that order button faster than the ADL defended Hitler salutes.
Also, my friend Swim smashed that order button faster than the ADL defended Hitler salutes.
A lot of people seem to think they need big trucks and SUVs to navigate bad weather.
*Laughs in cheap Volkswagen
*Laughs in cheap Volkswagen
January 21, 2025 at 5:27 PM
A lot of people seem to think they need big trucks and SUVs to navigate bad weather.
*Laughs in cheap Volkswagen
*Laughs in cheap Volkswagen
Looking back at the times before smartphones, I didn't realize how good we had it
January 19, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Looking back at the times before smartphones, I didn't realize how good we had it
Do trains stop and block roads where you live? Have you noticed how they don't do that in rich neighborhoods?
Here are 3 interesting but unrelated facts:
1 It's done because it's profitable
2 They'll stop when it's no longer profitable
3 Creativity makes humanity great
This is not legal advice
Here are 3 interesting but unrelated facts:
1 It's done because it's profitable
2 They'll stop when it's no longer profitable
3 Creativity makes humanity great
This is not legal advice
January 17, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Do trains stop and block roads where you live? Have you noticed how they don't do that in rich neighborhoods?
Here are 3 interesting but unrelated facts:
1 It's done because it's profitable
2 They'll stop when it's no longer profitable
3 Creativity makes humanity great
This is not legal advice
Here are 3 interesting but unrelated facts:
1 It's done because it's profitable
2 They'll stop when it's no longer profitable
3 Creativity makes humanity great
This is not legal advice
I should have known this day was coming back when chronic back pain started. Unfortunately I am now old enough to find Dickens entertaining. Entertaining enough to highlight in my e-reader.
Send me out to pasture.
Send me out to pasture.
January 15, 2025 at 3:40 AM
I should have known this day was coming back when chronic back pain started. Unfortunately I am now old enough to find Dickens entertaining. Entertaining enough to highlight in my e-reader.
Send me out to pasture.
Send me out to pasture.
Looking mighty tempting in this traffic
January 14, 2025 at 1:14 PM
Looking mighty tempting in this traffic
2/2
3. My personal favorite was Dolly Parton singing about how she'll always love you. Very wholesome and far more accepting than most churches
4. The collection bowl pays for some rich jerk to get richer. My tip goes directly to someone who actually needs it.
Do better, evangelicals
3. My personal favorite was Dolly Parton singing about how she'll always love you. Very wholesome and far more accepting than most churches
4. The collection bowl pays for some rich jerk to get richer. My tip goes directly to someone who actually needs it.
Do better, evangelicals
January 12, 2025 at 4:24 PM
2/2
3. My personal favorite was Dolly Parton singing about how she'll always love you. Very wholesome and far more accepting than most churches
4. The collection bowl pays for some rich jerk to get richer. My tip goes directly to someone who actually needs it.
Do better, evangelicals
3. My personal favorite was Dolly Parton singing about how she'll always love you. Very wholesome and far more accepting than most churches
4. The collection bowl pays for some rich jerk to get richer. My tip goes directly to someone who actually needs it.
Do better, evangelicals
1/2
Today we went to Waffle House instead of church and I have notes
1. Serving a full breakfast takes the edge off of the cheap coffee
2. The jukebox gives a far better sermon than most ministers ever do
Today we went to Waffle House instead of church and I have notes
1. Serving a full breakfast takes the edge off of the cheap coffee
2. The jukebox gives a far better sermon than most ministers ever do
January 12, 2025 at 4:24 PM
1/2
Today we went to Waffle House instead of church and I have notes
1. Serving a full breakfast takes the edge off of the cheap coffee
2. The jukebox gives a far better sermon than most ministers ever do
Today we went to Waffle House instead of church and I have notes
1. Serving a full breakfast takes the edge off of the cheap coffee
2. The jukebox gives a far better sermon than most ministers ever do
I can has screaming death machine?
January 11, 2025 at 8:39 PM
I can has screaming death machine?