5:57 am.
Wide awake.
Thinking about the homework my therapist gave me.

I’m not ready to face that reality.

I feel like I am constantly trying to stay afloat. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I am struggling to keep it all together.

And tonight I feel extremely sad and like I could almost fall back into that depression and I am trying to fight it so hard.

I was insecure beyond comprehension but I hid it whenever I could.

My live life was in shambles and simultaneously non existent.

I lost friends that I knew were going to be in my life forever.

That was the lowest I had ever reached and it took everything out of me to get out that hole.

I went into a full blown depression earlier this year that lasted for about 3 months. I couldn’t move. I felt nothing. I cried every single day. I thought of su*c*de. I questioned if anything was worth it.

But this past year has been full of ups and downs. And I know a lot of ppl go through that, but I just feel like the beginning of 2024 is happening all over again.

I just need a minute to get this off my chest and then I am starting anew.

How I been walking around since November 6:

Made a goal list for 2025. 😌

Y’all I’m ready for a relationship. And I know it’s not the best time for one, given the shitty dating pool, the uncertainty of what the next 4 years will look like, and everything else.

But my ass is lonely. Single life is cool and all, but this shit is a little boring.

And quite frankly it’s been nice to be seen. I haven’t felt seen in a long time.

In the past week, I’ve been told I am a hard working woman (twice), been given compliments, and asked how I am handling this lifestyle of mine…all by men.

I’ve always wanted a burner page, for all the things I can’t share with just everyone. I’m excited about this. 🤭