“Nice dewlap, my friend.”
“Thanks. Nice goiter.”

Normal conversation I heard on the nuclear submarine today

I hate AI. They built a new data center in my hometown which polluted the local water supply with carcinogens. I just got diagnosed with a penile lesion, and my doctor says I have 69 days to live. AI gave me penis cancer.

Did Taio Cruz ever consider that life might not be dynamite for children dying of bone cancer?

Once I thought I was a unicorn, but then the meth wore off and I realized I'd stapled my severed cock to my forehead

I spun the Dharma Wheel of Fortune and won a trip to the Pure Lands.