Love being personally invited to get robbed early. Thanks for the “presale,” Live Nation.

Who is Victoria Lochkans’ plug because no legit doctor is handing out 60 lorazepam like it’s Halloween candy.

Every time I open X, it’s like I’m in a toxic relationship with myself—gaslighting, doomscrolling, and emotional damage, all self-inflicted. Is it worth it for a few FAFO posts?

Whoever unplugged me from the Matrix, I need you to fix it. Put me back in my pod. This timeline is defective.

LA is hurting. Fires are devastating our communities, and people need help. Donate to support those affected—every bit makes a difference. ❤️ #LAFires #SupportLocal

I had hoped 2025 would be a turning point, but it’s starting with devastation. Fires are destroying lives, and the cruelty online—attacking LA and its leaders—makes me question if there’s any hope left for humanity.

Los Angeles is in flames, and hearts are heavy. Thinking of those evacuating, the brave firefighters battling the destruction, and the wildlife caught in the chaos. Praying for containment, safety, and healing for our city. Stay strong, LA. #LAfires #StaySafe

One more travel day tomorrow, and I’m already pre-tired. Holiday cheer? More like holiday endurance training. #Sendhelp #TravelBurnout

The gym and the airport: where humanity’s true colors shine—dirty, disgusting, and wildly rude. Peak civilization.

“Got a $600 bill from LAST December’s tonsil eviction. Meanwhile, Blue Shield wasn’t going to cover full anesthesia anymore—until yesterday’s murder made them backtrack. Nothing like public outrage to make billion-dollar companies rethink their greed. #HealthcareScam”

Blue Cross Blue Shield won’t cover anesthesia in some states—what in the actual fuck is this? Meanwhile, UnitedHealth’s CEO gets murdered. What are these execs thinking? Read the room—people hate you!

UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, the mastermind behind turning healthcare into a luxury item, met his maker today. While millions struggle with sky-high premiums and denied claims, he was out making deals at investor conferences. Karma works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?

Spotify Wrapped has arrived—the time to showcase your impeccable music taste while quietly ignoring the fact that your favorite artists are making pennies per stream. Meanwhile, Spotify’s execs are raking in billions. Daniel Ek really needs another yacht.

Saw a clip where A MAGA dude said sex is only for making babies, not for pleasure, because enjoying it is ‘what gay people do.’ So straight sex is a tax? A chore? A group project with God? I would say he’s repressed but I’m leaning more towards closeted. They always tell on themselves.

December always sneaks up like, ‘Oh, you thought you had time?’ Suddenly it’s all holiday plans last-minute shopping, and reflecting on the year while pretending cardio was a personality trait. Everything’s fine. Totally fine.

Temu, we need to set some boundaries. The nonstop emails, the ads everywhere—it’s giving desperation. I don’t need a $1.49 gadget that’ll fall apart faster than your marketing strategy.

Nothing like being called a MILF and a Ma'am before 9 AM to kick off the Monday after a long holiday weekend. 🫠 I wasn’t ready for this energy, but here we are. Matcha first, existential crisis later. 🍵