Waylander
@christt75.bsky.social
A little bit of life left in me
God doesn't want me, and the devil is scared of the competition.
All thoughts expressed here are my own.
God doesn't want me, and the devil is scared of the competition.
All thoughts expressed here are my own.
Its time for war...
All out war against trumps America.
The un needs to stand up and start sinking American ships, kicking them out of international harbours, other countries need to close American air bases etc.
They deserve nothing but a pine box and 6ft of earth ..
All out war against trumps America.
The un needs to stand up and start sinking American ships, kicking them out of international harbours, other countries need to close American air bases etc.
They deserve nothing but a pine box and 6ft of earth ..
January 3, 2026 at 12:36 PM
Its time for war...
All out war against trumps America.
The un needs to stand up and start sinking American ships, kicking them out of international harbours, other countries need to close American air bases etc.
They deserve nothing but a pine box and 6ft of earth ..
All out war against trumps America.
The un needs to stand up and start sinking American ships, kicking them out of international harbours, other countries need to close American air bases etc.
They deserve nothing but a pine box and 6ft of earth ..
But im too stubborn to leave.
Too heartbroken to care
Too damaged to be of use
Too fucked up to be cared about
Too useless to be good enough
Too kind to be edgy
Too angry to be kind
Too ugly to be handsome
Too nice to be bad
Too caring to be liked
And I dream of the warm comfort of death.
Too heartbroken to care
Too damaged to be of use
Too fucked up to be cared about
Too useless to be good enough
Too kind to be edgy
Too angry to be kind
Too ugly to be handsome
Too nice to be bad
Too caring to be liked
And I dream of the warm comfort of death.
December 27, 2025 at 4:12 PM
But im too stubborn to leave.
Too heartbroken to care
Too damaged to be of use
Too fucked up to be cared about
Too useless to be good enough
Too kind to be edgy
Too angry to be kind
Too ugly to be handsome
Too nice to be bad
Too caring to be liked
And I dream of the warm comfort of death.
Too heartbroken to care
Too damaged to be of use
Too fucked up to be cared about
Too useless to be good enough
Too kind to be edgy
Too angry to be kind
Too ugly to be handsome
Too nice to be bad
Too caring to be liked
And I dream of the warm comfort of death.
But what do i have.
Nothing.
Some cars
No money
Nothing sentimental for anyone
I could leave in a rucksack and take all I need and want in it.
I am Nothing
What legacy do I leave behind?
None
Im a name that will die out in a week or two.
Im a Nothing.
Nothing.
Some cars
No money
Nothing sentimental for anyone
I could leave in a rucksack and take all I need and want in it.
I am Nothing
What legacy do I leave behind?
None
Im a name that will die out in a week or two.
Im a Nothing.
December 27, 2025 at 4:09 PM
But what do i have.
Nothing.
Some cars
No money
Nothing sentimental for anyone
I could leave in a rucksack and take all I need and want in it.
I am Nothing
What legacy do I leave behind?
None
Im a name that will die out in a week or two.
Im a Nothing.
Nothing.
Some cars
No money
Nothing sentimental for anyone
I could leave in a rucksack and take all I need and want in it.
I am Nothing
What legacy do I leave behind?
None
Im a name that will die out in a week or two.
Im a Nothing.
How is a man supposed to go on?
How in this world can a man become so lonely and so isolated while being married with a group of friends around.
My friends don't know me
My wife certainly doesn't
My family have no idea.
I ordered a will writing kit today
I know I need one at my age.
How in this world can a man become so lonely and so isolated while being married with a group of friends around.
My friends don't know me
My wife certainly doesn't
My family have no idea.
I ordered a will writing kit today
I know I need one at my age.
December 27, 2025 at 4:07 PM
How is a man supposed to go on?
How in this world can a man become so lonely and so isolated while being married with a group of friends around.
My friends don't know me
My wife certainly doesn't
My family have no idea.
I ordered a will writing kit today
I know I need one at my age.
How in this world can a man become so lonely and so isolated while being married with a group of friends around.
My friends don't know me
My wife certainly doesn't
My family have no idea.
I ordered a will writing kit today
I know I need one at my age.
And after another night shift what has changed.
Nothing
Again
Im still lost
Im still seeking that something, that spark of life that has been thrown out with the rubbish bin for a sensible life.
Where did I go wrong?
Was it living this long?
Was it trying to be nice?
Being a good person?
Nothing
Again
Im still lost
Im still seeking that something, that spark of life that has been thrown out with the rubbish bin for a sensible life.
Where did I go wrong?
Was it living this long?
Was it trying to be nice?
Being a good person?
December 27, 2025 at 4:04 PM
And after another night shift what has changed.
Nothing
Again
Im still lost
Im still seeking that something, that spark of life that has been thrown out with the rubbish bin for a sensible life.
Where did I go wrong?
Was it living this long?
Was it trying to be nice?
Being a good person?
Nothing
Again
Im still lost
Im still seeking that something, that spark of life that has been thrown out with the rubbish bin for a sensible life.
Where did I go wrong?
Was it living this long?
Was it trying to be nice?
Being a good person?
Yup that's right its me.
I go down.
Me.
Not her..
I lose my job, my career and probably my freedom.
Definitely my job.
Fucking brilliant, when life gets you down there is always some cunt ready to make it worse.
Im just not even getting out of bed today now
I can't even look at her.
I go down.
Me.
Not her..
I lose my job, my career and probably my freedom.
Definitely my job.
Fucking brilliant, when life gets you down there is always some cunt ready to make it worse.
Im just not even getting out of bed today now
I can't even look at her.
December 26, 2025 at 11:48 AM
Yup that's right its me.
I go down.
Me.
Not her..
I lose my job, my career and probably my freedom.
Definitely my job.
Fucking brilliant, when life gets you down there is always some cunt ready to make it worse.
Im just not even getting out of bed today now
I can't even look at her.
I go down.
Me.
Not her..
I lose my job, my career and probably my freedom.
Definitely my job.
Fucking brilliant, when life gets you down there is always some cunt ready to make it worse.
Im just not even getting out of bed today now
I can't even look at her.
And now I find the wife is smoking joints again, in my house, fucking brilliant.
A drug i have a criminal conviction for and she's buying it again after multiple conversations asking her not to, multiple times, because if we got busted, who goes down with previous?
A drug i have a criminal conviction for and she's buying it again after multiple conversations asking her not to, multiple times, because if we got busted, who goes down with previous?
December 26, 2025 at 11:46 AM
And now I find the wife is smoking joints again, in my house, fucking brilliant.
A drug i have a criminal conviction for and she's buying it again after multiple conversations asking her not to, multiple times, because if we got busted, who goes down with previous?
A drug i have a criminal conviction for and she's buying it again after multiple conversations asking her not to, multiple times, because if we got busted, who goes down with previous?
Who knows or dares to dream but I will continue this thread as the days go on.
Nobody will see it
It is just my mental 4am ramblings.
Nobody will see it
It is just my mental 4am ramblings.
December 26, 2025 at 4:06 AM
Who knows or dares to dream but I will continue this thread as the days go on.
Nobody will see it
It is just my mental 4am ramblings.
Nobody will see it
It is just my mental 4am ramblings.
I don't think im that unattractive or even a bad person
I try and eat well, stay in shape ish.
And yet I am not desired by a single soul out there.
Not now
I was
Or was it this dream of marriage that she has and she is living?
And yet here i am
Unwanted
By anyone now it seems
So what next?
I try and eat well, stay in shape ish.
And yet I am not desired by a single soul out there.
Not now
I was
Or was it this dream of marriage that she has and she is living?
And yet here i am
Unwanted
By anyone now it seems
So what next?
December 26, 2025 at 3:57 AM
I don't think im that unattractive or even a bad person
I try and eat well, stay in shape ish.
And yet I am not desired by a single soul out there.
Not now
I was
Or was it this dream of marriage that she has and she is living?
And yet here i am
Unwanted
By anyone now it seems
So what next?
I try and eat well, stay in shape ish.
And yet I am not desired by a single soul out there.
Not now
I was
Or was it this dream of marriage that she has and she is living?
And yet here i am
Unwanted
By anyone now it seems
So what next?
There is also a physical desire
A need to be touched intimately, to be desired, to be wanted.
Something i've not had in 7 years.
Something now alien to me
I'd be terrified now
There is no talking about it with the wife
There is no trying with others, nobody understands.
A need to be touched intimately, to be desired, to be wanted.
Something i've not had in 7 years.
Something now alien to me
I'd be terrified now
There is no talking about it with the wife
There is no trying with others, nobody understands.
December 26, 2025 at 3:53 AM
There is also a physical desire
A need to be touched intimately, to be desired, to be wanted.
Something i've not had in 7 years.
Something now alien to me
I'd be terrified now
There is no talking about it with the wife
There is no trying with others, nobody understands.
A need to be touched intimately, to be desired, to be wanted.
Something i've not had in 7 years.
Something now alien to me
I'd be terrified now
There is no talking about it with the wife
There is no trying with others, nobody understands.
I cant even breathe without feeling like im doing wrong.
Wrong by them and definitely wrong by me
And yet nobody sees it.
Literally nobody
How
I'm not exactly known for my acting abilities
Not one person sees past the veneer of my eyes.
Not one friend or best friend
Not the wife
Not my family
Wrong by them and definitely wrong by me
And yet nobody sees it.
Literally nobody
How
I'm not exactly known for my acting abilities
Not one person sees past the veneer of my eyes.
Not one friend or best friend
Not the wife
Not my family
December 26, 2025 at 3:50 AM
I cant even breathe without feeling like im doing wrong.
Wrong by them and definitely wrong by me
And yet nobody sees it.
Literally nobody
How
I'm not exactly known for my acting abilities
Not one person sees past the veneer of my eyes.
Not one friend or best friend
Not the wife
Not my family
Wrong by them and definitely wrong by me
And yet nobody sees it.
Literally nobody
How
I'm not exactly known for my acting abilities
Not one person sees past the veneer of my eyes.
Not one friend or best friend
Not the wife
Not my family
But now what?
Seriously what now?
Im not a cheater, so that's done and dusted.
I'm not a quitter so suicide is off.
I'm a pleaser, its everyone else first and never me. And yet if I went to do something for me I'd be selfish, untrustworthy, a lowlife.
Seriously what now?
Im not a cheater, so that's done and dusted.
I'm not a quitter so suicide is off.
I'm a pleaser, its everyone else first and never me. And yet if I went to do something for me I'd be selfish, untrustworthy, a lowlife.
December 26, 2025 at 3:48 AM
But now what?
Seriously what now?
Im not a cheater, so that's done and dusted.
I'm not a quitter so suicide is off.
I'm a pleaser, its everyone else first and never me. And yet if I went to do something for me I'd be selfish, untrustworthy, a lowlife.
Seriously what now?
Im not a cheater, so that's done and dusted.
I'm not a quitter so suicide is off.
I'm a pleaser, its everyone else first and never me. And yet if I went to do something for me I'd be selfish, untrustworthy, a lowlife.
But my soul is wrecked, my heart is destroyed, not by bad faith or cheating, but by indifference and genuine boredom.
My lust for life has disappeared, gone!
Now I just exist in this horrendous experience.
I'm done
I'm over
Thank fuck I don't have kids.
My lust for life has disappeared, gone!
Now I just exist in this horrendous experience.
I'm done
I'm over
Thank fuck I don't have kids.
December 26, 2025 at 3:32 AM
But my soul is wrecked, my heart is destroyed, not by bad faith or cheating, but by indifference and genuine boredom.
My lust for life has disappeared, gone!
Now I just exist in this horrendous experience.
I'm done
I'm over
Thank fuck I don't have kids.
My lust for life has disappeared, gone!
Now I just exist in this horrendous experience.
I'm done
I'm over
Thank fuck I don't have kids.
But she would forget, everyone does sooner or later
I am the man of a million friends whose phone is always silent.
I am everything to people who don't know me
Nobody actually does
And yet I've let slip my mask to one
So im not checking out
I am the man of a million friends whose phone is always silent.
I am everything to people who don't know me
Nobody actually does
And yet I've let slip my mask to one
So im not checking out
December 26, 2025 at 3:31 AM
But she would forget, everyone does sooner or later
I am the man of a million friends whose phone is always silent.
I am everything to people who don't know me
Nobody actually does
And yet I've let slip my mask to one
So im not checking out
I am the man of a million friends whose phone is always silent.
I am everything to people who don't know me
Nobody actually does
And yet I've let slip my mask to one
So im not checking out
She's awesome
Bold, beautiful, adventurous and funny, with a huge caring side and a smile to light up a galaxy and eyes to dive into
And yet innocent as a young adult, not scarred and ruined like me
Nothing has happened
Nothing at all
We are friends that's it
Back in the zone its been a while
Bold, beautiful, adventurous and funny, with a huge caring side and a smile to light up a galaxy and eyes to dive into
And yet innocent as a young adult, not scarred and ruined like me
Nothing has happened
Nothing at all
We are friends that's it
Back in the zone its been a while
December 26, 2025 at 3:28 AM
She's awesome
Bold, beautiful, adventurous and funny, with a huge caring side and a smile to light up a galaxy and eyes to dive into
And yet innocent as a young adult, not scarred and ruined like me
Nothing has happened
Nothing at all
We are friends that's it
Back in the zone its been a while
Bold, beautiful, adventurous and funny, with a huge caring side and a smile to light up a galaxy and eyes to dive into
And yet innocent as a young adult, not scarred and ruined like me
Nothing has happened
Nothing at all
We are friends that's it
Back in the zone its been a while
No vanishing point ending for me then.
And its disappointing
Infact distressing
It is what it is.
So I go on again tomorrow.
I've met someone who sparks my life into existence
Too young for me but she shows me how it used to be
How it could be
I can't hurt her now
And its disappointing
Infact distressing
It is what it is.
So I go on again tomorrow.
I've met someone who sparks my life into existence
Too young for me but she shows me how it used to be
How it could be
I can't hurt her now
December 26, 2025 at 3:21 AM
No vanishing point ending for me then.
And its disappointing
Infact distressing
It is what it is.
So I go on again tomorrow.
I've met someone who sparks my life into existence
Too young for me but she shows me how it used to be
How it could be
I can't hurt her now
And its disappointing
Infact distressing
It is what it is.
So I go on again tomorrow.
I've met someone who sparks my life into existence
Too young for me but she shows me how it used to be
How it could be
I can't hurt her now
I took my car out tonight, Christmas day, trying so hard for it to be my last drive.
The beautiful ball of flames death i deserve
I'd just finished work
1am open clear roads
120mph country lanes
Icy cold weather
But the car handles too well, and my instincts are to just drive.
The beautiful ball of flames death i deserve
I'd just finished work
1am open clear roads
120mph country lanes
Icy cold weather
But the car handles too well, and my instincts are to just drive.
December 26, 2025 at 3:18 AM
I took my car out tonight, Christmas day, trying so hard for it to be my last drive.
The beautiful ball of flames death i deserve
I'd just finished work
1am open clear roads
120mph country lanes
Icy cold weather
But the car handles too well, and my instincts are to just drive.
The beautiful ball of flames death i deserve
I'd just finished work
1am open clear roads
120mph country lanes
Icy cold weather
But the car handles too well, and my instincts are to just drive.
Because its all i can do.
I can't afford a divorce
I cant afford to live on my own
Im screwed
I can't afford a divorce
I cant afford to live on my own
Im screwed
December 26, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Because its all i can do.
I can't afford a divorce
I cant afford to live on my own
Im screwed
I can't afford a divorce
I cant afford to live on my own
Im screwed
And I love my wife, I truly do.
But its stagnant
Its been dead and buried for 7 years.
Its not fun anymore
Its a housemate I share a bed and a cat with.
I smile and go through the motions
I nod and agree, go on the holidays to the same shitty places everyone else goes.
I agree to everything.
But its stagnant
Its been dead and buried for 7 years.
Its not fun anymore
Its a housemate I share a bed and a cat with.
I smile and go through the motions
I nod and agree, go on the holidays to the same shitty places everyone else goes.
I agree to everything.
December 26, 2025 at 3:14 AM
And I love my wife, I truly do.
But its stagnant
Its been dead and buried for 7 years.
Its not fun anymore
Its a housemate I share a bed and a cat with.
I smile and go through the motions
I nod and agree, go on the holidays to the same shitty places everyone else goes.
I agree to everything.
But its stagnant
Its been dead and buried for 7 years.
Its not fun anymore
Its a housemate I share a bed and a cat with.
I smile and go through the motions
I nod and agree, go on the holidays to the same shitty places everyone else goes.
I agree to everything.
And where does it end?
And how soon?
Because every day is a chore, a slog through the mire of just existing.
My brain, my soul, my body yearns for more.
For adventures again,
For seeing new things
Meeting new people
Excitement
Thrills
Passion
Even romance, even adoration or even new love.
And how soon?
Because every day is a chore, a slog through the mire of just existing.
My brain, my soul, my body yearns for more.
For adventures again,
For seeing new things
Meeting new people
Excitement
Thrills
Passion
Even romance, even adoration or even new love.
December 26, 2025 at 3:12 AM
And where does it end?
And how soon?
Because every day is a chore, a slog through the mire of just existing.
My brain, my soul, my body yearns for more.
For adventures again,
For seeing new things
Meeting new people
Excitement
Thrills
Passion
Even romance, even adoration or even new love.
And how soon?
Because every day is a chore, a slog through the mire of just existing.
My brain, my soul, my body yearns for more.
For adventures again,
For seeing new things
Meeting new people
Excitement
Thrills
Passion
Even romance, even adoration or even new love.
The thing is its a win win for government
Most excess deaths are the elderly.
So:
No pension payouts
No nhs care costs
Increase in gp appointments
Less nursing costs
More capital in the markets (savings etc)
More housing
Inheritance taxes
Less right wing voters
A win win situation
.
Most excess deaths are the elderly.
So:
No pension payouts
No nhs care costs
Increase in gp appointments
Less nursing costs
More capital in the markets (savings etc)
More housing
Inheritance taxes
Less right wing voters
A win win situation
.
December 22, 2025 at 1:04 PM
The thing is its a win win for government
Most excess deaths are the elderly.
So:
No pension payouts
No nhs care costs
Increase in gp appointments
Less nursing costs
More capital in the markets (savings etc)
More housing
Inheritance taxes
Less right wing voters
A win win situation
.
Most excess deaths are the elderly.
So:
No pension payouts
No nhs care costs
Increase in gp appointments
Less nursing costs
More capital in the markets (savings etc)
More housing
Inheritance taxes
Less right wing voters
A win win situation
.
And if I change it, what do I change it to?
Im too old for the dating game, too ugly, too damaged, too unhealthy for anyone to want.
I'm broke
So what next?
I guarantee its more drudgery and boredom
More smiling at friends that my wife thinks I like.
More lies about happiness and contentment.
Im too old for the dating game, too ugly, too damaged, too unhealthy for anyone to want.
I'm broke
So what next?
I guarantee its more drudgery and boredom
More smiling at friends that my wife thinks I like.
More lies about happiness and contentment.
December 19, 2025 at 10:12 AM
And if I change it, what do I change it to?
Im too old for the dating game, too ugly, too damaged, too unhealthy for anyone to want.
I'm broke
So what next?
I guarantee its more drudgery and boredom
More smiling at friends that my wife thinks I like.
More lies about happiness and contentment.
Im too old for the dating game, too ugly, too damaged, too unhealthy for anyone to want.
I'm broke
So what next?
I guarantee its more drudgery and boredom
More smiling at friends that my wife thinks I like.
More lies about happiness and contentment.
And yet it is what it is.
I feel more alive at work than I do at home.
I feel wanted at work, needed even
I work with danger and it is exciting, thrilling, impulsive, all those things that life used to be
And now it isn't
So what to do?
Do it keep 'living the dream'?
Or do i change the narrative
I feel more alive at work than I do at home.
I feel wanted at work, needed even
I work with danger and it is exciting, thrilling, impulsive, all those things that life used to be
And now it isn't
So what to do?
Do it keep 'living the dream'?
Or do i change the narrative
December 19, 2025 at 10:10 AM
And yet it is what it is.
I feel more alive at work than I do at home.
I feel wanted at work, needed even
I work with danger and it is exciting, thrilling, impulsive, all those things that life used to be
And now it isn't
So what to do?
Do it keep 'living the dream'?
Or do i change the narrative
I feel more alive at work than I do at home.
I feel wanted at work, needed even
I work with danger and it is exciting, thrilling, impulsive, all those things that life used to be
And now it isn't
So what to do?
Do it keep 'living the dream'?
Or do i change the narrative
And there is no way out.
Its a prison cell with no walls.
A life sentence.
A gentle decline into alcoholism as a means to cope with the dreadfullness of my existence.
I use the booze to be nice, to be funny, to be the me that people want to see.
Its not every day
Its not even a lot.
Its a prison cell with no walls.
A life sentence.
A gentle decline into alcoholism as a means to cope with the dreadfullness of my existence.
I use the booze to be nice, to be funny, to be the me that people want to see.
Its not every day
Its not even a lot.
December 19, 2025 at 10:06 AM
And there is no way out.
Its a prison cell with no walls.
A life sentence.
A gentle decline into alcoholism as a means to cope with the dreadfullness of my existence.
I use the booze to be nice, to be funny, to be the me that people want to see.
Its not every day
Its not even a lot.
Its a prison cell with no walls.
A life sentence.
A gentle decline into alcoholism as a means to cope with the dreadfullness of my existence.
I use the booze to be nice, to be funny, to be the me that people want to see.
Its not every day
Its not even a lot.