Chuck Norris
@chucknorrisfacts.bsky.social
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a bio. This text appeared out of fear.
Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
January 8, 2026 at 12:42 PM
Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
For Charlie Sheen winning is just wishful thinking. For Chuck Norris it's a way of life.
January 8, 2026 at 7:00 AM
For Charlie Sheen winning is just wishful thinking. For Chuck Norris it's a way of life.
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
January 8, 2026 at 1:43 AM
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
January 7, 2026 at 7:48 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
January 7, 2026 at 2:26 PM
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
January 7, 2026 at 8:41 AM
The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.
Chuck Norris can beat Arnie in an Arnold Schwarzenegger Impersonation contest.
January 7, 2026 at 4:39 AM
Chuck Norris can beat Arnie in an Arnold Schwarzenegger Impersonation contest.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
January 6, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
January 6, 2026 at 5:34 PM
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
January 6, 2026 at 4:49 PM
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
January 6, 2026 at 4:46 PM
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
December 7, 2025 at 9:01 AM
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
Chuck Norris is the true Sultan of Swing. He also gets his money for nothing, and his chicks for free.
December 7, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Chuck Norris is the true Sultan of Swing. He also gets his money for nothing, and his chicks for free.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
December 6, 2025 at 10:50 PM
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Each time you rate this, Chuck Norris hits Obama with Charlie Sheen and says, "Who's winning now?!"
December 6, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Each time you rate this, Chuck Norris hits Obama with Charlie Sheen and says, "Who's winning now?!"
Chuck Norris will not be printed on money; no one pays out Chuck Norris. Ever.
December 6, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Chuck Norris will not be printed on money; no one pays out Chuck Norris. Ever.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
December 5, 2025 at 5:21 PM
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Charlie Sheen is Chuck Norris' lovechild.
December 5, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Charlie Sheen is Chuck Norris' lovechild.
Chuck Norris once wanted a kitty cat....so he went to the zoo and purchased a tiger - he named his tiger Dick Cheney because it was such a big pussy.
December 5, 2025 at 7:47 AM
Chuck Norris once wanted a kitty cat....so he went to the zoo and purchased a tiger - he named his tiger Dick Cheney because it was such a big pussy.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
December 5, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris can understand Charlie Sheen.
December 5, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Chuck Norris can understand Charlie Sheen.
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
December 5, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
December 3, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
When Chuck Norris frowns, every human within 3 miles turns inside-out.
December 3, 2025 at 2:55 AM
When Chuck Norris frowns, every human within 3 miles turns inside-out.
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
December 1, 2025 at 3:55 AM
Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.