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Clare Blackwood

@clareblackwood.bsky.social

25K followers 920 following 3.6K posts

Actor/comedian/writer. Words in The Beaverton, CBC Comedy, McSweeney’s, etc. Pierre Poilievre's personal assistant Mandy. she/her [email protected] https://buymeacoffee.com/clareblackwood

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · Mar 8

Listening to radio ads right now is like "Canadians are strong. Canadians are tough. Canadians never back down. Canadians deserve the best. That's why at Bob's Lube Garage, we know your tire lube should smell like poutine and Lake Erie fish,"

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 1h

No, I made a hyperbolize joke

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 1h

Elderly Man In Wheelchair: Crosses the street in front of ICE officer

Stephen Miller, blood leaking from his eyes as he receives mental directives from his Dark Lord Patron: pepper spray this man until he sees god

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 1h

Yep, that's pretty much what this was about haha

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 2h

Stephen Miller goes on camera saying ICE is fighting Antifa on the streets because the country is a war zone with dangerous criminals out to destroy America and then the video will just cut to a video of a group of ICE officers suplexing a 110-year-old blind nun

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 13h

YUP

Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 13h

Fingers, toes, teeth etc crossed

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 13h

This team is so good. We just cannot have a defensive game like that again. Here's hoping the bullpen returns to its badass state, comes through tomorrow, and we don't even need to worry about Friday. Play Lukes. Play your best guys. And, as always, fuck the Yankees and their Canada-booing fans.

a man in a white shirt and tie is standing on a stage with his arms outstretched and says i believe .

ALT: a man in a white shirt and tie is standing on a stage with his arms outstretched and says i believe .

media.tenor.com

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 14h

looool thank you for the valuable perspective

Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 14h

Update on the Blue Jays game:

a man with a beard is laying in bed with his eyes closed .

ALT: a man with a beard is laying in bed with his eyes closed .

media.tenor.com

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 19h

a man with a cowboy hat and mustache looks down

ALT: a man with a cowboy hat and mustache looks down

media.tenor.com

Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 20h

Y'all a friend asked to see pictures of my cat when I first adopted him at eight weeks old, ten years ago, and just LOOK AT HIM my LORD 😭

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 20h

It's like dungeons and dragons, you'd get made fun of playing it before but now everyone is doing it. the vindication is delicious.

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 23h

Yessss I want it so bad

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Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 1d

No. I want them to sweep them in Trey's honour. Let's go.

Clare Blackwood @clareblackwood.bsky.social · 1d

"I don't care if the Blue Jays win," I attempt to convince myself, delusionally. "The Blue Jays winning does not affect my life in any way," I chant, like a fool. "Just enjoy the game like a normal person," I intone finally, lighting the last candle on my Shane Bieber shrine, completing The Ritual