Cobalt ಠ_ಠ Azurean
@cobaltazurean.bsky.social
"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you." -Stealers Wheel
Pinned
The only thing you need to know about me is that in 4th grade for Gifted & Talented we made a magazine, so I parodied Tommy LaSorda from Ultra Slim-Fast ads, swapped the Before and Afters, drew a bloated bottle called Ultra Fast-Fat w/ "Give us a week, we'll put on the weight!"
What if Presidents swore in with their hand on a Jefferson Bible? 🤔
January 23, 2025 at 2:50 PM
What if Presidents swore in with their hand on a Jefferson Bible? 🤔
"Hrrrrnnggh Admiral, I’m trying to sneak around but I’m dummy thicc and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps alerting the Jawas"
December 13, 2024 at 1:47 AM
"Hrrrrnnggh Admiral, I’m trying to sneak around but I’m dummy thicc and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps alerting the Jawas"
Her: What're you thinking about this time?
Me: Punching the clown.
Her: What a vaguely unsettling euphemism.
Me:
Me: Punching the clown.
Her: What a vaguely unsettling euphemism.
Me:
December 11, 2024 at 6:24 PM
Her: What're you thinking about this time?
Me: Punching the clown.
Her: What a vaguely unsettling euphemism.
Me:
Me: Punching the clown.
Her: What a vaguely unsettling euphemism.
Me:
Typical Redditor: what a vaguely unsettling euphemism
Typical Me: Dude, you just described my whole personality.
Typical Me: Dude, you just described my whole personality.
December 11, 2024 at 6:20 PM
Typical Redditor: what a vaguely unsettling euphemism
Typical Me: Dude, you just described my whole personality.
Typical Me: Dude, you just described my whole personality.
I'm not egotistical but I do think when the login tells me I got my password wrong, I definitely blame the computer 🙃
December 5, 2024 at 5:35 PM
I'm not egotistical but I do think when the login tells me I got my password wrong, I definitely blame the computer 🙃
Alright I'll admit that having Raynaud's and pounding a V8 Energy before going to shovel might not have been the best idea 🥶
December 5, 2024 at 5:03 PM
Alright I'll admit that having Raynaud's and pounding a V8 Energy before going to shovel might not have been the best idea 🥶
Wtf does transnational even mean
December 5, 2024 at 4:37 PM
Wtf does transnational even mean
The best life hack in the 2000s was realizing that you got basic cable for free with your internet connection 🤯
Follow me for more irrelevant shit
Follow me for more irrelevant shit
December 5, 2024 at 4:36 PM
The best life hack in the 2000s was realizing that you got basic cable for free with your internet connection 🤯
Follow me for more irrelevant shit
Follow me for more irrelevant shit
Fvck fear, typos are the real mind-killer 🤯
December 5, 2024 at 3:21 PM
Fvck fear, typos are the real mind-killer 🤯
I'm legitimately tired of seeing comic book artists literally ripping off content from the 90s/early 2000s and selling it as your own, as though the autistic nerds out here wouldn't remember.
And people wonder why comic books are dying.
Get rekt and get gud you fkn amateurs.
And people wonder why comic books are dying.
Get rekt and get gud you fkn amateurs.
December 5, 2024 at 3:11 PM
I'm legitimately tired of seeing comic book artists literally ripping off content from the 90s/early 2000s and selling it as your own, as though the autistic nerds out here wouldn't remember.
And people wonder why comic books are dying.
Get rekt and get gud you fkn amateurs.
And people wonder why comic books are dying.
Get rekt and get gud you fkn amateurs.
I now suspect that Super Mario Bros was a long marketing campaign for Big Shroom, stop suggesting microdosing you stupid goombots 😠
a video game scene with a mushroom that looks like a person
ALT: a video game scene with a mushroom that looks like a person
media.tenor.com
December 5, 2024 at 2:53 PM
I now suspect that Super Mario Bros was a long marketing campaign for Big Shroom, stop suggesting microdosing you stupid goombots 😠
My first email address was at Hotmail dot com, we are not the same 🤨
December 5, 2024 at 2:50 PM
My first email address was at Hotmail dot com, we are not the same 🤨
Everyday Normal Guy @jonlajoiecomedy
wrote a song where he made $12/hr back in 2007, but that's all he needs and the amount of money he saves is off the hook 😏
wrote a song where he made $12/hr back in 2007, but that's all he needs and the amount of money he saves is off the hook 😏
December 5, 2024 at 2:50 PM
Everyday Normal Guy @jonlajoiecomedy
wrote a song where he made $12/hr back in 2007, but that's all he needs and the amount of money he saves is off the hook 😏
wrote a song where he made $12/hr back in 2007, but that's all he needs and the amount of money he saves is off the hook 😏
When you think that meme wasn't all that long ago, but you're 72 scroll-clicks through your collection and you still haven't found it 😒
December 4, 2024 at 4:42 PM
When you think that meme wasn't all that long ago, but you're 72 scroll-clicks through your collection and you still haven't found it 😒
"I want a hiphopapotamus for Christmas, who's lyrics are bottomless" 🎶
a group of men are dancing in a dark room . one man is wearing a green shirt .
ALT: a group of men are dancing in a dark room . one man is wearing a green shirt .
media.tenor.com
December 4, 2024 at 4:34 PM
"I want a hiphopapotamus for Christmas, who's lyrics are bottomless" 🎶
Whenever someone puts up the high-five, I always say, "Eyes on the wenis" to make it awkward 💪
December 4, 2024 at 4:22 PM
Whenever someone puts up the high-five, I always say, "Eyes on the wenis" to make it awkward 💪
Her: What're you thinking about?
Me: Lil Luke and the Lightside Boyz
Me: Lil Luke and the Lightside Boyz
December 4, 2024 at 4:20 PM
Her: What're you thinking about?
Me: Lil Luke and the Lightside Boyz
Me: Lil Luke and the Lightside Boyz
Once I notice rogue ear-hair, it's the first thing I look at before eye contact after that 👀
December 4, 2024 at 4:17 PM
Once I notice rogue ear-hair, it's the first thing I look at before eye contact after that 👀
If I could tell seven year old me that one day I would be searching, "how to become a professional magician" on this thing called the internet, it'd blow his mind 🤯
December 4, 2024 at 4:16 PM
If I could tell seven year old me that one day I would be searching, "how to become a professional magician" on this thing called the internet, it'd blow his mind 🤯
There's a part of me that wishes I was just a bit more autistic so I could answer questions like, "I wonder how many times I've watched Willow" or "Did Bigfoot win that monster truck rally I was at" 🤔
December 4, 2024 at 4:15 PM
There's a part of me that wishes I was just a bit more autistic so I could answer questions like, "I wonder how many times I've watched Willow" or "Did Bigfoot win that monster truck rally I was at" 🤔
I got 175 gallons of free heating oil because I told them I was selling the house 👍
Follow me for more life hacks /s
Follow me for more life hacks /s
December 4, 2024 at 4:14 PM
I got 175 gallons of free heating oil because I told them I was selling the house 👍
Follow me for more life hacks /s
Follow me for more life hacks /s
Why people don't refer to dog parks as bark parks is beyond me 🤔
December 4, 2024 at 4:14 PM
Why people don't refer to dog parks as bark parks is beyond me 🤔
Does anyone even say, "blow smoke up their ass" anymore? I mean, as a euphemism, of course 😅
December 4, 2024 at 4:12 PM
Does anyone even say, "blow smoke up their ass" anymore? I mean, as a euphemism, of course 😅
Therapist: When was the first time you experienced anxiety?
Me: So, there's this scene in GoldenEye with counting pen clicks...
Me: So, there's this scene in GoldenEye with counting pen clicks...
December 4, 2024 at 4:11 PM
Therapist: When was the first time you experienced anxiety?
Me: So, there's this scene in GoldenEye with counting pen clicks...
Me: So, there's this scene in GoldenEye with counting pen clicks...