my inability to move on could be seen as toxic maybe... i don't know. i'm having a hard time thinking, i didn't eat much lately and i'm still sick. and right now all i want is to be with Kinnie...

they said we had a trauma bond, does that mean one of us is an abuser? the way i saw it was that we were simply too unstable and intense together, so it harmed us... we both had bpd traits and Kinnie is my fp, still to this day. so to me, i don't think we had an abuser... this is all so messed up!!!

Kinnie... we can't be friends in the real world because we're too unstable and it hurts us... the other headmates didn't like the impact it had on their body... but we can be friends in my head, right? i don't mind if it hurts my body... i like how you make me feel alive

when Kinnie talks to me in my head, she's very nice and sweet, she comforts me... but i can't tell if it's truly her or not. does it matter? does any of this matter? it's been 5 months since they left me for the second time, why can't i just move on already? what's my problem?

thank you i trust you with it

but at least this way she'll always be there, right?

maybe i should... start dressing up as her... cut my hair, get a piercing... get colored lens.... oh, i'm an absolute freak

i wish she could at least stay in my head... a week or two ago i thought i moved on so i deleted my list of pretty things she told me... but now i really regret it

i know its all very stupid... i miss her a lot, but honestly i'm starting to forget who she is. i mean, it's been so long anyway, she must have changed a lot since then. does she remember me? i don't know and i'll never find out. i'm just chasing shadows

Have you ever thought about why the witches in Madoka Magica have german titles and european names... I mean I think it's a cool style decision but lore-wise it doesn't make much sense... I'm sure I'm overthinking this but I have to find the reason.....

you always use such pretty colors, i wonder what they'd taste like