Now I realize that having the “time to draw” isn’t nearly as important as having the time to truly rest. To daydream, to soothe, to twiddle my thumbs. Being bored has, so far, been the most impactful action I’ve taken to paint more, and regularly. When there’s nothing to do, I will create something.

I worried that all the “cutting out” would make me less inspired, my work less cutting edge, tamper my discovery of new techniques. Maybe it will, but I haven’t found that yet. I still find heightened states good for inspiration, but not for actually sitting tf down.

I also have been looking forward to the sitting down and spending time painting more. I didn’t realize how I was coming to feel like the actual process was the means to the end of a piece. But when I’m actually bored, it feels just like a great way to kill a couple hours.

It’s not enough for me to “have the time” to draw. I still work the same hours, and I still struggle to paint after work. It’s because my mind is buzzing with the stimulation of the day: frustration, anxiety, insecurities. But on weekends, I wake up bored and almost always make my way to the studio.

I realize now it was probably bc I was BORED. I was addicted to the internet as a teen, too, but your feed would end when you saw the new posts from people you followed. No endless suggestions and ads. We may feel bored when we scroll bc we are not sated, but I mean running out of things to do.

Seems that I’ve ALWAYS been trying to paint more and more consistently. I’ve listened and tried a ton of advice from popular YouTube gurus. Some helped more than others but none have really stuck. When I think about when I was most prolific, though, it was when I was a teenager with no art routine.

This made me start reading again! I needed a book for my morning doo, at the drs office, on the bus, before bed. I also realized I was MUCH more present with friends, at yoga, in my cooking. I started daydreaming again, making shapes out of clouds out the window. THEN I started painting again.

I had to get REALLY REAL with myself and cut back. I did a lot of things, this thread isn’t really about those things but about the eventual ABSENCE. I replaced my phone w a SM-free BlackBerry dupe. The first weeks were hell, constantly seeking entertainment. I realized I couldn’t just Be Bored.

What WAS I doing? It was that damn phone. I was carrying to high-stimulation dopamine casino everywhere I went. I would lose hours 😬 easily swiping videos. And I didn’t feel better after my journey through Instaland and Twitteropolis. I just replaced my worries and desires with a thousand strangers’

I began My Season of Rest and Relaxation by cutting out drinking and socializing with new people: huge anxiety sources for me. That wasn’t too hard during Vermont winter. And it would give me time to do things that calm me: reading, painting, cooking, etc. But it didn’t. I was still a frazzled mess.

Audio was poor, with ambient noise for sureeee

Right now the biggest obstacle is that my computer is only 8GB of RAM and I don’t have a camera. But I was surprised to see that my kinda outdated iphone could actually handle filming, editing, and uploading! I’ll save up for better equipment soon, hopefully :)

Congrats! I also deleted mine last weekend, after 16 years 🥲 I feel lighter but also I keep like going to check it and realizing I deleted the app…