Or that I am unworthy of it… an afterthought… I don’t wanna be an afterthought anymore. I want to be cherished and understood, because I know my worth. And it isn’t the bullshit that continues to try and be fed to me.

Just had an epiphany as to why I’m so quick to run/cut it off when I’m dating. Like an abused animal I’ve been holding anticipation that once I allow myself to be vulnerable enough for someone to sit with me through this process I fear they may not give me grace through it. Or even use it against me

overthink things I’ve said worried I upset you in some way. Once I find grousing I know I’m being to hard on myself. But my brain in programmed this way. It was a safety mechanism developed by walking on eggshells around my father and his explosive anger. Any little tiny thing could set him off

I already had this epiphany before but finally have to words to fully explain it

Which is hard thinking I was with someone for 5 years who didn’t love me… who put me down. Made me feel like I was never enough. Is similar ways my father made me feel as a child. Repeated patterns of trauma. Sometimes we accept this behavior because we were told as children this is love… ❤️‍🩹

& once you finally get into healthy dating dynamic it’s gonna feel off. Different. Because it’s not something you’ve experienced before. Like a hit dog, you might expect a hidden motive. Sit with those feelings. Has this person given a reason not to trust? Don’t take past trauma out on new partners

This ‼️

Wishing her then best, thank you for sharing your story with me. I hope you get to the place soon where you can fully live freely and authentically to who you are 💖