Cea/Luzi
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countfishcula.bsky.social
Cea/Luzi
@countfishcula.bsky.social
3 followers 4 following 10 posts
30+ yrs | mostly SFW | NOT SPOILER FREE | pro-fiction | DNI min0rs/trfs/tranßmeds/ants/map/zoos | BPD+ADHD+Depression | love sharks | 🍉free everyone

🖤🤍💚🤍🖤|🌈| Any pronoun, but they/them preferred. | 🇧🇦/🇷🇸 🇹🇷 | GER based
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countfishcula.bsky.social
[7/7]
Page 13 of a square digital comic drawing. It is a mirror of page 8, with the tiny hand now being on the top, reaching otu to the adult hand. The colors are the same. The spark is now more visible and glows more. Top right text reads: "Connecting to my own self and my inner child ... was hard." Top left text reads: "But I am doing (trying) my BEST. :)"
May 31, 2025 at 5:59 PM
countfishcula.bsky.social
[6/7]
Page 9 of a square digital comic drawing. Top right shows drawn features of a face - closed eyes with eyebrows and a nose. The hair is made out of indigo and magenta strands. The brush here used has three lines in one stroke, resulting in an almost featherly like appearance of the drawing. Main text reads: "Since my childhood I had to deal with depersonlization and loss of identity, including dissociation. I didn't know what it was. It affects my memory the most. There is no conclusive answer which causes that specifically." Background text, meant to be thoughts, reads: "Is that truly my body? Who am I? Am I even human? Or am I an awful monster?" Page 10 of a square digital comic drawing. Drawing on the left shows two side profiles of a head, side to side. One is laughing with closed eyes, in the usual indigo color, but lower opacity. The other, on top, in full indigo color, looks disturbed and distraught, look to the bottom right, almost as if it's looking at the happy person. Main text reads: "I'm not capable of viewing my memories in first person. Ever. It's almost like they aren't mine. Of course, it doesn't help that I generally dissociate and depersonalize still to this day." and text in bold reads: "I'm a watcher of my own memories." Top right drawing has a kid with a pot on their head and holding a pan, laughing and smiling happy. Text right next to it reads "A memory of my childhood." Page 11 of a square digital comic drawing. Top left shows the eye of page 6, just not as tired looking. It is a bit more open with a magenta sheen, looking to the right. The top right is filled with indigo blue color that forms like hair. Text in magenta, on a white bg, over it reads "I am many. I am my masks. I am what I mirror. The masks and mirrors are ME." The center shows a person hanging into water, with droplets from the hair dripping into the water. The mid-.background shows two other 'mes', fading into nothingness. Behind that, there are two side profiles, essentially kissing. The one on the right, slightly higher, has a grin and is in indigo blue. The other, in magenta, is has a sad mouth, both mouths forming the infamous HAPPY SAD mask. There are no other facial features besides nose and mouth. They almsot take over the entire bg. Page 12 of a square digital comic drawing. It is a mirror of page 11, flipped horizontally. The eye is on the rip right, it is half closed, looking down. The background character shave swapped expression - indigo is sad, magenta 'happy'. The person hanging is no longer hanging, but standing in water. Text on the top left reads "There still is a ME, but sometimes I loose myself to appeal to those I don't want to loose."
May 31, 2025 at 5:59 PM
countfishcula.bsky.social
[5/7]
Cover of 'chapter 2' of a square digital comic drawing. In the middle it has a handwritten text that reads "BPD" that goes from the top to the bottom. It is indigo blue on a magenta background. It is multiplied, with the ones behind it in lower opacity. Left and right, some parts of the sides are indigo chaotic squiggles. Page 8 of a square digital comic drawing. This page shows an adult (indigo lines) hand reaching out to a kids hand (magenta lines). A spark forms between them. Text on the top right reads: "We all were tiny humans once. That tiny human had to make experiences it couldn't deal with. Very often combination of factors is what makes BPD happen. Sometimes the brain's amygdala and hippocampus are smaller and can't comprehend emotions. The pre-frontal cortex can't handle the info overflow." The background has magenta squiggle lines. Bottom left text: "That child wasn't able to learn how to deal with terrible situations. The child who had no help." The background has indigo colored squiggle lines.
May 31, 2025 at 5:59 PM
countfishcula.bsky.social
[4/7] BIG TW here for attempted suic*de.
Page 4 of digital comic drawing. Centered black colored text is what's immediately in the front, reading: "For YEARS (in red) I never knew why I would go from happy to so ANGRY (in red) in seconds if something happened that upset me or made me sad" The background has a drawing on the bottom left of a side profile of a depiction of my face, with a smiling and laughing face, eyes closed. That part of the background is white. Top right, upside down reflection of me, portrayed in bold red lines, with an angry screaming expression, the background black instead of white. Page 5 of a square digital comic drawing. The page is arranged with imagery drawn out of order, in a chaotic manner. Top left displays someone crying, top right shows a close up of a wallet that's being looked through, with some slowly distorted hand written text reading "Where... where is it?". Bottom left shows a crying and distraught side profile, with the middle showing an arm grabbing a cutter and on the bottom right showing a close up of the wrist that's being cut. In the top half, centered, there is black text on a red background, that reads "Day before this event was a parent-teacher conference in my school. "---- could do so well, but just doesn't want to." Between the wallet and wrist drawing, white text on a black background reads "I remember the next day. I couldn't find my bus ticket." Almost centered, close to the bottom left, it reads "I GOT SO ANGRY AT MYSELF" in bright red on a black background. Page 6 of a square digital comic drawing. More somber and not as chaotic as page 5, top left shows a single sorrowful eye, drawn with black ink, crying red tears. They flow across the page, bending to the right and then down again before fusing with the red imagery on the right, that turns into squiggles with a distorted grin with sharp teeth. It is a bodyless mouth, shown from the side profile. Text in the middle reads: "The anger was always aimed at myself, doors, walls, etc. Many suicide attempts when I was a minor" and then becomes slightly bigger in font: "You know, sometimes minors can be diagnosed with BPD." Then, still slightly centered, but more on the bottom left, it reads "Maybe if I had been one of them my life might have been easier." and then on the right, in bigger font: "Well, I wasn't." Page 7 of a square digital comic drawing. Top left shows the eye wide open, small iris and a pupil with a red light. It is filled with squiggly balck lines, slowly reaching into the bottom right of the image. Top right shows a side profile, fusing with the black lines, colored in black, with a red questionmark for the face. Red shadow behind it. Background text reads "Borderline Personality Disorder." Bottom right shows drawn diagnose papers. Written red text in the bottom left says: "Now to the event that kickstarted my diagnosis. I was working on an -----. I was almost done." It continues in digital black text: "Please stop working on the -----. You can continue soon... I understand it's almost finished, but please stop for now. There is no need to be this upset." Written text in red on the bottom, centered, reads: "I got so angry and almost threw the ----- at them." Text on the right is someone talking "For a while we have assumed you have... Borderline Personality Disorder."
May 31, 2025 at 5:59 PM
countfishcula.bsky.social
[3/7]
Cover of 'chapter 1' of a square digital comic drawing. In the middle it has a handwritten text that reads "ANGER" that goes from the top to the bottom. It is bright red text on a black background. Left and right, some parts of the sides are red chaotic squiggles. Page 1 of digital comic drawing. It is filled with fluid squiggly lines, that stretch across on the right and slighty across the rest. Top left text reads "I'm happy, but sad. Angry, but lifeless." In the bottom left, close to the center, there is parts of a face visible - just the eyes and eyebrows, looking sorrowful, with squiggly lined tears flooding out of the eyes. The iris is red and the red color stretches into the tears slightly. It then becomes a black void. Page 2 of digital comic drawing. It has an uneven red border, which repeats inside the rest of the image, alternating between grey and red. Underneath the text in the center, there are scar likes drawings in red. They stretch and are slightly distorted. The centered text reads: "ANGER (in red, rest is black text), is my closest friend. Always has been with me. Reaching out to me whenever I didn't know how to deal with something." Page 3 of digital comic drawing. On the centered left, there is centered text that reads "ANGER (in red, rest is black text) always had a grip on me. I never understood what was happening to me." The background is overall filled with distorted black squiggle lines, on the right it has an imagery of part of a body being gripped by a hand with claws digging into the body, coming out of a mouth with pure red lips.
May 31, 2025 at 5:59 PM
countfishcula.bsky.social
I wanna note, some of the TWs aren't 100% accurate, but as I might expand on this in the future when I'm brave enough, I will keep them there.

[2/7]
Square image, it's just black, with my signature (CountFishcula) in the bottom left. Square image that has a centered text that reads as follows: TRIGGER WARNINGS Mention of Suicide Attempts Sexual Violence Bullying General Violence Disorders
May 31, 2025 at 5:59 PM