My therapist often reminds me that two things can be true at the same time.

1. It is sad that his children will grow up without their father.

2. Their father was a terrible man who peddled dangerous ideologies that actively hurt people who are minding their business

Registered for my first 5K, and I hope the announcers actually do this.

Just sipping on my boba tea while listening to my daylist.

Can anyone confirm whether Fig Pals will be temporary? Bc I have formed an emotional bond with my Fig Pal. Figma, let me have this wee bit of whimsy in my work day.

Don't forget it's a blood moon tonight! You know what that means! The spirits of our fallen enemies will rise once again, so that we may harvest their weapons and use their body parts to upgrade our equipment.

Petition to change the U.S. national anthem to the theme of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Spent a good chunk of lunch gleefully explaining the beef between Kendrick and Drake to my bosses. They did not share my enthusiasm, but I appreciated the listening ear in these trying times.

All I want is for the winner to win via The Annexation of Puerto Rico play from The Little Giants.

Why the fuck am I working at 10:38pm when I have been spiraling all day about -gestures broadly at the U.S. political hellscape-

I thought we as a nation agreed that we don’t know that man and have never seen him in our lives.

People who think the Super Bowl is rigged have an admirable belief in the human ability to keep our fucking mouths shut.

"How much does she weigh?"
"33 pounds."
"She's at her Jesus weight."

My god. To have the confidence of the long-haired man in a croptop and heelys gliding across the Costco parking lot.