Current Update Media | News Network
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currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Current Update Media | News Network
@currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
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Current Update Media is the ultimate unbiased news source, written only by White Moms with crime podcasts. We works around the clock to almost provide you with sufficient enough knowledge about the modern day. Our writers are almost payed minimum wage!
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Current Update Media | News Network @currentupdatemedia.bsky.social · Jan 17
Tired of your old news sources? Try us and our meaningless slop instead!

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currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Read our article on the UKs new Online Safety Act: sites.google.com/view/current...

In the article are links to petitions and donate boxes.
The cover image for the article
July 27, 2025 at 9:16 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Google has let us out of a block, we have full access to the website again but are planning on changing domains so we don't get locked again. Sorry about the delays but everything is back to normal.
July 27, 2025 at 9:14 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Elon has officially stepped down as First Buddy of the United States, changing his profile picture on X (formerly Twitter) to a black void, rumored to be a diagram of his soul. Elon announced his firing earlier this night, the other firing that will hopefully happen is a gun to his head soon.
May 29, 2025 at 1:23 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Inspirational Quotes from rich fuckers to get you through your day, a 🧵
"I just asked where the bathroom was once and now I'm a CEO. Please help me I'm trapped here, I stole someone else's skin hoping to get arrested but the cops just wished me luck on Windows 12, this is torture." - Billiard Gate
May 29, 2025 at 1:20 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
FUCK YOUR COMPUTER

Read the full article here: sites.google.com/view/current...
FUCK YOUR COMPUTER
May 13, 2025 at 12:20 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
The Pope is dead and the Conclave starts May 5th, and we know people have questions. We have officially started a HYPOTHETICALS branch to Current Update Media! Can Joe Biden become the Pope? Read more to find out!

sites.google.com/view/current...

Feel Free to ask questions you want answered below!
April 30, 2025 at 12:10 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
The woke mob cancels Trump because his left testicle hangs lower‽‽

#news #breakingnews #trending #Testicle
March 21, 2025 at 7:38 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Want to express how mad you are at the world? Purchase a tee-shirt with your discretionary spending money!

sites.google.com/view/current...
A teeshirt of a Airplane falling out of the sky For sale: https://www.zazzle.com/crashin_out_plane_t_shirt-256744484275150045 A teeshirt of Stocks crashing For sale: https://www.zazzle.com/crashin_out_stocks_t_shirt-256900494538392014 A teeshirt of a really ugly, fat JD Vance For Sale: https://www.zazzle.com/crashin_out_sane_person_t_shirt-256953569381150684 A teeshirt of a White Man getting angry, all red and shit For Sale: https://www.zazzle.com/crashin_out_white_person_anger_t_shirt-256740451438383468
March 11, 2025 at 9:33 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
90% of people who signed up for the United States army reported to have only done so to kill someone and get away with it because "it's so damn fun, god the thrills"
March 8, 2025 at 4:38 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
"People don't want to do what they're told, we tell them to pour bleach into their bloodstream to stop all ailments and they disobey. I just wanted them to be safe but nooooo..." - Greg Abbot, after getting asked about the recent Measles outbreaks.
Greg Abbott, Texas's Governor and future head on pike
March 1, 2025 at 4:49 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Too many plane crashes have happened in America recently that 9/11 jokes are now set in October according to Vice President JD Vance in recent interview
February 17, 2025 at 10:32 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
It wasn't a Roman salute, the sun was hitting his eyes really badly

Full article here:
sites.google.com/view/current...
It wasn't a Roman salute, the sun was hitting his eyes really badly Full article here: https://sites.google.com/view/currentupdatemedia/controversial/it-wasnt-a-roman-salute-the-sun-was-hitting-his-eyes-really-badly
January 21, 2025 at 10:51 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
We've been panicking here over at Current Update Media, having to do live tracking on this motherfucker. Vivek is gone already, and so are my braincells.

Track Donald Trumps second term here: sites.google.com/view/current...
2017 Inauguration: Gas: $2.41 Eggs: $1.47 Unemployment: 4.7% Inflation: 2.1% Dow Jones: 19,827.25 2021 Inauguration: Gas: $3.05 Eggs: $4.17 Unemployment: 6.4% Inflation: 2.6% Dow Jones: 30,996.98 Bills Passed: 42 Exec Orders: 220 2025 Inauguration: Gas: $2.77 Eggs: $3.37 Unemployment: 4.1% Inflation: 2.9% Dow Jones: 43487.83 Bills Passed: 1 Exec Orders: 16
January 21, 2025 at 2:00 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
It's inauguration day, meaning the Donald Trump counters are going live! As Hell leaks to earth in real time, at least you know that Gas went up 35 cents total.

Track Here:
sites.google.com/view/current...
2021 (Biden to Trump): Gas: $2.42 Eggs: $4.17 Unemployment: 6.4% Inflation: 2.6% 2025 (Trump to Biden): Gas: $2.77 Eggs: $3.37 Unemployment: 4.1% Inflation: 2.9%
January 20, 2025 at 7:30 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
TikTok feels quaint and peaceful now... almost perfect
Tiktok feels quaint and peaceful now.. almost perfect Full Article Here: https://sites.google.com/view/currentupdatemedia/entertainment/tiktok-feels-quaint-and-peaceful-now-almost-perfect
January 19, 2025 at 4:12 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Tired of your old news sources? Try us and our meaningless slop instead!

sites.google.com/view/current...
Home
TOP STORY TODAY:
sites.google.com
January 17, 2025 at 7:39 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
"Remember Your Oath, because I can't remember mine"
"Remember Your Oath, because I can't remember mine" Full Article Here: https://sites.google.com/view/currentupdatemedia/politics/remember-your-oath-because-i-cant-remember-mine
January 17, 2025 at 7:38 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
BREAKING!!

Famous Matt Gaets Cosplayer, Rumpelstiltskin announces after a long and tedious time in and out of the courthouse, he has changed his name to Rubmyforeskin. He then later announced that nobody listens to directions anymore.
January 1, 2025 at 3:12 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Title: It's 2025 and Shitty Indie Bands are recording their newest cover of "We Didn't Start the Fire" Article: Rather than making a good song, many bands are making covers of a average song. They all have very similar google docs with events from 2024 written down, just so they can list them all as if they're a activist. Your Spotify is going to be bombarded with at least 10 covers all titled 'We Didn't Start The Fire: 2024 Edition', because the 35 editions weren't enough I guess. Fallout Boy covered that shit and ruined its legacy years ago, you don't have to piss on its grave further. The moral of the song is to not let the earth and its culture die, but this is a piece of culture that needs to get put on euthanasia ASAP.
January 1, 2025 at 5:30 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Breaking: The gayest person you know comes out as bisexual.
December 28, 2024 at 6:54 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Fuel our capitalist fire and spiral into madness with our first ever merch drop! We are hoping to release the second drop later this week, and let's just say, my peanits

www.zazzle.com/store/curren...
www.zazzle.com
December 25, 2024 at 1:05 PM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
"STOP CALLING HIM PRESIDENT MUSK" - Trump after losing his job to a immigrant.

(December 21st, 9:03pm est)
December 23, 2024 at 2:58 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Missing Congress woman found in nursing home after 6 months, diagnosed with Dementia. GOP huzzahs because they've been looking for a 2028 Trump replacement
December 23, 2024 at 2:38 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
Hillary Clinton unvails her witches brew while playing Maroon 5 at Panera.
December 18, 2024 at 1:17 AM
currentupdatemedia.bsky.social
🧵

We have gotten exclusive interviews with North Korean citizens and asked them on their opinions on topics.
December 17, 2024 at 3:27 AM