Still thinking about the customer that asked me if Zo was short for Alonzo

I’m so high but god I love my partners

It’s surgery day, I’m running off 4-5 hours of sleep, and I haven’t eaten solid food in like 29 hours let’s fucking GO

I’m on a clear liquid diet today (pending surgery) and honestly the worst part of this is knowing there’s good food in the fridge. I have waffle fries whispering to me from the freezer.

“Zo what’s your secret to losing weight” it’s having a doctor that, ironically enough, didn’t just chalk my bad health up to my weight.

The worst part about having a planned Major Life Event is the waiting

I had beef with god before all this. Now he must beg me for mercy.

“But your chromosomes-“ buddy do you even know your own???

Get you a partner who’s happy to call you their best friend

Shitposting 24/7