I would assume that it has some "dedovshchina" roots where people been forced to laugh in the fear of wrath of your superior officers (extreme abuse and torture). To put this on a higher scale - it's basically you understand the meme (laugh), or you are excluded from the group.

There was an anecdote that I couldn't comprehend in my childhood: "laugh when I say the word "shovel"". The absurdity is that you are not supposed to ask questions of why is it funny.

I always swing between optimism and cynicism. They both look like two extremes, the first grants you an energy of blind belief without a room to reconsider, another comforts you in distancing from the reality hence why every action is "just a prank bro, why do you take it so seriously?"

Never I felt so urged to touch the grass just to proof some old geezer I build in my head to be wrong. Anyway, it's winter outside and grass is eepy, go back to your cave and draw thicc big boobas on the walls.

Or like, you can physically touch the grass, but your senses are so numbed at this point that you barely feel any friction of it. And all you can think of is the 6 hours long yt essay about grass or that ad that tries to sell you something spiritual out of touching the grass.

Mmmm-maybe

Now I'm thinking about how rapid changes contribute to the lack of motivation to learn new stuff. Subconsciously we might understand that knowledge can be deemed as outdated even before we finish our studies.

Probably my favourite essay on the topic.
youtu.be/I4mdMMu-3fc

Trends in art and tech shifting so fast and it discouraged to put anything on paper. Like I'm still using Blender 2.79 for these low poly models and feel myself seen as a dinosaur.

Transition effects look really satisfying to look at!

I went into the rabbit hole of Jean Baudrillard's ideas (french philosopher whose ideas inspired the Matrix). This level of absurdism is incredibly hard to comprehend.

Shout-outs to to @seanseanson.bsky.social
and his lovely YT channel that's occupying my second monitor almost daily while I'm grinding pixel art.

You'd love to see it.
www.youtube.com/@SeanSeanson

YEAH

Congratulations on the release Phil! ✨

It is indeed, bittersweet emotional rollercoaster