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Dan Howdle

@danhowdle.bsky.social

41K followers 6.9K following 2.4K posts

'Comedian'. Part-time iRacer. Art appreciator. Pro-LGBT, pro-Ukraine, pro-EU. Cis gentleman. He/him. Location: Babé, Belvaria.

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · Apr 14

and people always told me
be careful of what you do
don't go around breakin' young girls' hearts (hee-hee)
and mother always told me
be careful of who you love
and be careful of what you do
cause the lie becomes the truth
hey-ey!

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 5h

badenoch conference speech live now. expect quixotic batshittery of every stripe.

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Reposted by Dan Howdle

craftyprimrose.bsky.social @craftyprimrose.bsky.social · 5h

When the Tories closed down manufacturing industry in the 70s and 80s it was because Britain (or should that be Britian?) was going to be a knowledge economy. Now they're closing down knowledge. They want us to be a subsistence serf economy don't they? #TheGoodOldDays

Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 6h

current tory policy platform: reducing students by 100,000, banning wednesdays, halving gravity, capping birthdays at three per lifetime, introducing a national bedtime, limiting colours to two, privatising rain and banning foreign clouds

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 5h

good take

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 6h

wednesdays to be replaced by a day of national flag-licking

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 6h

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 18h

1. press gently into the cavities either side of your nose. if soft, jelly-like spheres are present, you're good to go
2. go outside and listen for moths and owls. if present, you're on time. if not, wait
3. point the socket-jellies in the opposite direction to your shoes

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 18h

they switched again for old time's sake

Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

if a racist is racist in a forest and there's no one around to hear it...

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

somewhere there's a warm watermelon with a hole in it that's missing a wig

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

maybe magas got a point

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

'mermen are dangerous, they're armed, and we're sending our best subs to have a word with their supervisor'

Farrukh @implausibleblog.bsky.social · 1d

Karoline Leavitt says that ANTIFA is organised anarchy and they're going to uncover who is funding ANTIFA

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

is it too much to ask for an experienced diplomat to be foreign secretary? for a surgeon to be healthy secretary? for head of a national residents association or similar to be housing minister? for a former general or admiral to be secretary of defence? this should be the standard we expect. 5/4

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

what kind of system is that? when your country has enormous problems to solve you need people who have the intelligence, experience and know-how to bring forward and enact effective solutions, not someone who, for example, talks a good game, tows the party line, but is on some personal vendetta 4/4

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

so they have advisors who feed them insights and facts as they go. they operate on an autocue of advice they often barely understand and misinterpret. and they have their own opinions. their own biases that frequently lead them to ignore the facts entirely to pursue their own personal crusades 3/4

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

people put into jobs they aren't remotely qualified for for a host of absurd reasons. maybe they're yes men or women or other who will tow the party line. maybe they're popular or talk a good game on tv and radio. but they are, largely, completely unqualified for the role. 2/4

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

when i step back and think about it, this absolutely boggles my mind: some of the most technical and difficult jobs in the country — those of government ministers — require zero experience or knowledge of the area of their remit. none. this is how out political system works. 1/4

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Dan Howdle @danhowdle.bsky.social · 1d

'rescuers found jenrick clutching his mywaitrose card, sobbing into an ordnance survey map of the cotswolds, and rocking gently inside a makeshift shelter constructed from yesterday’s telegraph'