so hopefully in my return to getting mental help i can hopefully get better and see things move positively forward and maybe someday i can see getting help as not a weakness…

in the end of all this i realize that at some rate either i give up or persevere. in the moment, i realize that giving up isn’t an answer any more because there are people that are around me who would notice my absence should i choose to leave them behind, something that i could never go through…

as much as i would hope that things will change, that the better i do to pass better, the more friendly and warm i am. the better ill be treating because SURELY people reciprocate kindness and compassion forward… what else would makes sense than to do unto those that they have done unto you?

at what point do people sit back and realize that the pain and judgement they cast upon others only makes the burden heavier on those people? that kicking someone who is already down is a recipe for disaster? i’m not sure if they ever will learn as people who have done this to me continue to do so.

and yet i find that no matter what i do, an inevitability finds me, be it government interference, or a boss that doesn’t like who i am, or a coworker or just doesn’t like the bathroom i use, and so once again i am subjected to being out to stake for the mere transgression of being myself

but as i go along i yearn for something better so that hopefully i can carve a piece of happiness in a way so that i can finally spend time living my life rather than worrying about everyone and everything out to harm me, that i can be spared the difficulties of the world and the pain that it bears

it pains me that people tell me that i have this and that skill, that i am ABLE to achieve things, and yet i always feel that i am crippled and never really see myself able to do anything of note… i have felt for a long time that my final moments in life would be my most memorable, and it is scary

Thank you Erin for all your work, you are a pillar of journalism.