How tired am I? Well, on my way to work this morning I passed a gas station. Told myself I should check to see if I need to get gas. What did I see when I looked down? The handlebar of my bike....

I just told someone at the gym to put their weights away. My journey to full blown boomer is going GREAT 😭😭

Christians love to bring up verses in the Bible about homosexuality and then fully ignore this:

My fave hobby is saying yes I support the conservatives when I get the texts just to fuck with their data.

Elevators need a oh-shit-no-i-didnt-mean-to-push-that-button button.

Ran into an old coworker at the grocery store at checkout.

What do I have? Pickles and tofu. That's it.

This person now things I'm insane.

Listen, I may not be talented vocally...

but orally...

i love it when gays post a photo of the food they're making with some kind of caption about being husband material because of their skills

meanwhile, they're making a stir fry or frying an egg

Shoveled the driveway for the first time this winter. Smoked a joint while doing it.

Unrelated, do gender fluid people have freezing points?

I'm all for more gay representation, but do the straights really need to know everything?? Something's should remain a mystery.

The fact that Apple recap came out before Spotify wrapped is RUDE as hell.