@dcmastromatteo.bsky.social
Sometimes jokes, sometimes quotes, sometimes scathing political commentary. Usually drunk, always filled with righteous indignation about something.
My hastags will never be popular, or serious.
My hastags will never be popular, or serious.
So did you know the movie Speed didn't have a director? Because if it had direction it'd be called Velocity. #physics #yeahfinecinemasins #iknowpunfu
January 10, 2026 at 10:42 PM
So did you know the movie Speed didn't have a director? Because if it had direction it'd be called Velocity. #physics #yeahfinecinemasins #iknowpunfu
In case anyone is wondering how to describe why "that time of the month" is so horrible to women... it's called MENstruation. #NotAllNouns #IdVerbHerNoun #GoodLordBeBetter
December 17, 2025 at 9:28 AM
In case anyone is wondering how to describe why "that time of the month" is so horrible to women... it's called MENstruation. #NotAllNouns #IdVerbHerNoun #GoodLordBeBetter
So there's a phrase about "having your tail between your legs" as a dog focused idiom for being embarrassed. I have a Lab/Weimaraner mix, whose tail, when between her legs, means she's the happiest possible thing on the planet. #Idioms #Idiosyncratic #SoIgnoranceReallyIsBliss
December 10, 2025 at 8:04 AM
So there's a phrase about "having your tail between your legs" as a dog focused idiom for being embarrassed. I have a Lab/Weimaraner mix, whose tail, when between her legs, means she's the happiest possible thing on the planet. #Idioms #Idiosyncratic #SoIgnoranceReallyIsBliss
"On the one hand, look what it took to tear us apart. On the other, what the shit were we doing?" #TheDevilYouKnow #MeetsTheOneYouThoughtYouKnew #AndThenWhatHappens
December 8, 2025 at 8:27 AM
"On the one hand, look what it took to tear us apart. On the other, what the shit were we doing?" #TheDevilYouKnow #MeetsTheOneYouThoughtYouKnew #AndThenWhatHappens
"What's the difference between meditation, and disassociation?...Consent." #IKnowAGuyWhoDoesItOnPurpose #DSMVIOnPreorder #ParalysisDemonsCanBeFriendly
October 14, 2025 at 3:39 AM
"What's the difference between meditation, and disassociation?...Consent." #IKnowAGuyWhoDoesItOnPurpose #DSMVIOnPreorder #ParalysisDemonsCanBeFriendly
"Why did the orca jump the sea wall? Because he Willy wanted to!" #FuckDemBoats #freethemantibesorcasanddolphins #noseriouslyorcasaresosmart
September 14, 2025 at 3:01 AM
"Why did the orca jump the sea wall? Because he Willy wanted to!" #FuckDemBoats #freethemantibesorcasanddolphins #noseriouslyorcasaresosmart
August 2, 2025 at 2:26 PM
"Evil thoughts, and evil doings/Cold, alone, you hang in ruins" #thereapersyouandthereaperisme #evendarknesscriestonight #SoLongOzzy
July 22, 2025 at 10:30 PM
"Evil thoughts, and evil doings/Cold, alone, you hang in ruins" #thereapersyouandthereaperisme #evendarknesscriestonight #SoLongOzzy
Reposted
"As I handed my father his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, 'You know, one would have been enough.'" #jokesaboutdads #itwasactuallyhis51st #lestoldacquaintanceblahblahblah
July 22, 2025 at 3:42 AM
"As I handed my father his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, 'You know, one would have been enough.'" #jokesaboutdads #itwasactuallyhis51st #lestoldacquaintanceblahblahblah
"My friend invited me to an Open Mike night, which was pretty cool, because I'd never been to an autopsy before." #GetIt #beautyisontheinside #notastevenwrightjokebutitcouldbe
July 10, 2025 at 4:08 PM
"My friend invited me to an Open Mike night, which was pretty cool, because I'd never been to an autopsy before." #GetIt #beautyisontheinside #notastevenwrightjokebutitcouldbe
"We are all of us going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone ought to make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing. #cb #yeahhewasadickbuthehadsomegoodwords #culturallyrelevant
July 4, 2025 at 5:53 PM
"We are all of us going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone ought to make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing. #cb #yeahhewasadickbuthehadsomegoodwords #culturallyrelevant
Would writing poetry as a pain reliever be... grab-a-pen-tin? #thepenismightier #thereisasolutionforeverything #ihearitdoesnotworkonitsown
May 31, 2025 at 4:00 AM
Would writing poetry as a pain reliever be... grab-a-pen-tin? #thepenismightier #thereisasolutionforeverything #ihearitdoesnotworkonitsown
"When I die, if I'm given a choice between regular heaven and pie heaven, I'm choosing pie heaven. Might be a trick, but if not, mmmm boy." #deepthoughtswithJackHandey #doesitincludeshepherdspie #Imreallymoreofacakeperson
May 28, 2025 at 11:19 PM
"When I die, if I'm given a choice between regular heaven and pie heaven, I'm choosing pie heaven. Might be a trick, but if not, mmmm boy." #deepthoughtswithJackHandey #doesitincludeshepherdspie #Imreallymoreofacakeperson
"Remember the war against Franco/That's the kind where each of us belongs/He may have won all the battles/But we had all the good songs" #readyaimsing #isTomLehrerstillalive #hardonsforendingfascism
May 7, 2025 at 3:09 AM
"Remember the war against Franco/That's the kind where each of us belongs/He may have won all the battles/But we had all the good songs" #readyaimsing #isTomLehrerstillalive #hardonsforendingfascism
April 5, 2025 at 9:25 PM
"Hail Gary, full of Mace", "Thy Lord is a Shoving Leopard", and others. #aspoonybard
April 3, 2025 at 7:56 PM
"Hail Gary, full of Mace", "Thy Lord is a Shoving Leopard", and others. #aspoonybard
When Elmo pulled this same stunt in PA he had to officially declare it a scam, right? Like it's only legal because it wasn't real, and he had to officially declare it wasn't real? #thegreaterfool #butallstillfools #didyoueverknowyourenotmyhero
March 31, 2025 at 4:41 PM
When Elmo pulled this same stunt in PA he had to officially declare it a scam, right? Like it's only legal because it wasn't real, and he had to officially declare it wasn't real? #thegreaterfool #butallstillfools #didyoueverknowyourenotmyhero
Nothing says 'Mets Baseball' like their $765 million dollar man, who they picked up to stop this exact thing, striking out with the game on the line opening day. #imametsfansoidonthavetowatch #ijusthopebothteamshadfun #fairweatherisforcowards
March 28, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Nothing says 'Mets Baseball' like their $765 million dollar man, who they picked up to stop this exact thing, striking out with the game on the line opening day. #imametsfansoidonthavetowatch #ijusthopebothteamshadfun #fairweatherisforcowards
"I'm sure you know Al Pacino, but have you heard of his more popular brother, Cap?" #thinkythoughtsrhymeswithdrinkythoughts
March 26, 2025 at 5:23 PM
"I'm sure you know Al Pacino, but have you heard of his more popular brother, Cap?" #thinkythoughtsrhymeswithdrinkythoughts
"It is better to be an optimist who is often wrong, than a pessimist who is always right." #twain #hewaskindofadickthough #iseewhatididthere
March 24, 2025 at 2:17 PM
"It is better to be an optimist who is often wrong, than a pessimist who is always right." #twain #hewaskindofadickthough #iseewhatididthere
"It's not who you say you are, it's who you are after you say who you are." #arewestillsupposedtohashtag
February 26, 2025 at 7:04 PM
"It's not who you say you are, it's who you are after you say who you are." #arewestillsupposedtohashtag