Last night I dreamt I was in a Home Depot because there was a sale, so I was browsed the store but the sale wasn’t good enough to actually buy anything. What a terrible welcome into middle aged dreaming.

I bet climate change will finally be taken seriously when white people lose Fall.

If you ever need to check in on your emotional state, just look at your most used emojis.

Gen alpha is 15 years old now, which means every newborn you meet is a total fucking beta.