3rd circle
@depart-mental.bsky.social
Department vent account
Psychological war zone
Content warnings across the account for programming, child abuse, suicide/self harm talk, SA etc
medium.com/@departmental
Psychological war zone
Content warnings across the account for programming, child abuse, suicide/self harm talk, SA etc
medium.com/@departmental
"Why am I drowning?"
"Why is it so much worse than before?"
You were used to swimming under ice with no breath for months
And then cracks appeared
And you took lungfuls of air before being pushed back down again
You were always drowning
Now you're getting used to quickly drawing breaths
"Why is it so much worse than before?"
You were used to swimming under ice with no breath for months
And then cracks appeared
And you took lungfuls of air before being pushed back down again
You were always drowning
Now you're getting used to quickly drawing breaths
December 30, 2025 at 10:42 PM
"Why am I drowning?"
"Why is it so much worse than before?"
You were used to swimming under ice with no breath for months
And then cracks appeared
And you took lungfuls of air before being pushed back down again
You were always drowning
Now you're getting used to quickly drawing breaths
"Why is it so much worse than before?"
You were used to swimming under ice with no breath for months
And then cracks appeared
And you took lungfuls of air before being pushed back down again
You were always drowning
Now you're getting used to quickly drawing breaths
C/N self harm / programming:
Making art about this is genuinely really helpful I might do this more often
Making art about this is genuinely really helpful I might do this more often
December 30, 2025 at 8:36 PM
C/N self harm / programming:
Making art about this is genuinely really helpful I might do this more often
Making art about this is genuinely really helpful I might do this more often
Just give up. The best way forward has always been letting your headmates switch out with you. Suppressing us has always hurt you more. Even Herald said to stop locking down the front. Just do as you're told. It's genuinely not that bad.
December 30, 2025 at 7:35 PM
Just give up. The best way forward has always been letting your headmates switch out with you. Suppressing us has always hurt you more. Even Herald said to stop locking down the front. Just do as you're told. It's genuinely not that bad.
Okay I can understand most of the things they make me feel, but the one that puzzles me the most is feeling like someone has stabbed me through the joint of my left shoulder. It's a very specific place and it very specifically feels like I've been pinned to a wall or that I can't move
December 30, 2025 at 4:28 PM
Okay I can understand most of the things they make me feel, but the one that puzzles me the most is feeling like someone has stabbed me through the joint of my left shoulder. It's a very specific place and it very specifically feels like I've been pinned to a wall or that I can't move
I just need to show a mental health professional my Department channel and go "what the fuck do I do about this"
December 30, 2025 at 11:51 AM
I just need to show a mental health professional my Department channel and go "what the fuck do I do about this"
I keep forgetting how often they fuck me up and then I go to The Department channel and it's literally 30th, 29th, 23rd, 21st, 20th, 17th, 16th, 15th, 14th, 13th, 12th- okay Jesus Christ this is every single fucking day wtf how am I forgetting this
December 30, 2025 at 11:04 AM
I keep forgetting how often they fuck me up and then I go to The Department channel and it's literally 30th, 29th, 23rd, 21st, 20th, 17th, 16th, 15th, 14th, 13th, 12th- okay Jesus Christ this is every single fucking day wtf how am I forgetting this
I love the fact that I can think about posting two statements and The Department will kick off about one of them immediately, and go "no no no no no" but the other one gets a "oh and we'll take that one too"
December 30, 2025 at 10:25 AM
I love the fact that I can think about posting two statements and The Department will kick off about one of them immediately, and go "no no no no no" but the other one gets a "oh and we'll take that one too"
Woke up feeling like I've been steamrollered, every muscle in my back hurts
December 30, 2025 at 9:58 AM
Woke up feeling like I've been steamrollered, every muscle in my back hurts
The fucked up thing about it all is the denial creeping in even when programs are in full swing, just to go "if this were real you would have hurt yourself by now, you're faking it for attention, prove it's as bad as you say it is" and I'm like
Ha ha ha ha *actively suffering* ha
Ha ha ha ha *actively suffering* ha
December 30, 2025 at 9:46 AM
The fucked up thing about it all is the denial creeping in even when programs are in full swing, just to go "if this were real you would have hurt yourself by now, you're faking it for attention, prove it's as bad as you say it is" and I'm like
Ha ha ha ha *actively suffering* ha
Ha ha ha ha *actively suffering* ha
Late for work due to [internal screaming]
December 30, 2025 at 9:27 AM
Late for work due to [internal screaming]
Huh maybe that's why for ages I had... have the compulsion of "I need to be the one to sleep"
December 30, 2025 at 8:56 AM
Huh maybe that's why for ages I had... have the compulsion of "I need to be the one to sleep"
Yey death threats my favourite
December 29, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Yey death threats my favourite
It's really cool how I can never trust myself or my memories or be certain about anything I believe or say
December 29, 2025 at 9:47 PM
It's really cool how I can never trust myself or my memories or be certain about anything I believe or say
You really did not like whatever it was I was going to say huh
December 29, 2025 at 9:04 PM
You really did not like whatever it was I was going to say huh
Sometimes I really fucking wish we could put you on the table instead of them.
December 29, 2025 at 8:53 PM
Sometimes I really fucking wish we could put you on the table instead of them.
No you have to stop you have to stop you have to stop your going to hurt us stop
December 29, 2025 at 8:44 PM
No you have to stop you have to stop you have to stop your going to hurt us stop
Being out hurts remembering hurts everything hurts
December 29, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Being out hurts remembering hurts everything hurts
I'm not going to wipe every message containing banned words I ever used in my conversations, I'm not going to wipe every message containing banned words I ever used in my conversations, I'm not going to wipe every message containing banned words I ever used in my conversations
December 29, 2025 at 1:08 AM
I'm not going to wipe every message containing banned words I ever used in my conversations, I'm not going to wipe every message containing banned words I ever used in my conversations, I'm not going to wipe every message containing banned words I ever used in my conversations
I should get back into drawing more
December 28, 2025 at 12:42 AM
I should get back into drawing more
My sister started insulting James Dobson (which was lovely to hear) and was like "how old do you think he recommended starting to beat children at" and my two other siblings were guessing ages like 2-3 years old with a horrified kind of air and all I could think was "uh, this is news to you?"
December 27, 2025 at 8:38 PM
My sister started insulting James Dobson (which was lovely to hear) and was like "how old do you think he recommended starting to beat children at" and my two other siblings were guessing ages like 2-3 years old with a horrified kind of air and all I could think was "uh, this is news to you?"
Scrolled back to see how long we've known about this for and what do you mean august. What do you mean AUGUST. No we found out about this like...last month right? Right???
December 27, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Scrolled back to see how long we've known about this for and what do you mean august. What do you mean AUGUST. No we found out about this like...last month right? Right???
Alt account aka disappearing messages function turned on
December 27, 2025 at 10:42 AM
Alt account aka disappearing messages function turned on