Theyre pissing me off again due to a multitude of intricate reasons but we’re talking lightheartedly right now so it’s okay

sometimes it’s scary to get helped and be vulnerable and I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES. It’s a habit. But i can’t stop myself from feeling angry when I make it as obvious as I can that there’s nothing to worry about around me, and yet… okay I just feel angry and feel bad about feeling angry. Sorry.

I want to maintain this somewhat friendly relationship with them and do what I can for them when I can but I don’t even fucking know if they see me or WANT to see me the same way. They always complain about nobody being able to understand them and I am TRYING to be understanding, and I KNOW that

you’ve suddenly made the conversation about yourself when I was excited and sharing with you, and I’m upset about that.” I cant stop myself from being selfish innately, but I’m trying to be compassionate, but I dont know if having these feelings at all makes me the bad guy in the first place.

Like I know… I KNOW. I know some people really cannot respond sometimes and it’s not their fault and they’re tired, and I WANT TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSIONATE. But I can’t stop myself from getting angry, I can’t stop something inside me from saying “What the fuck this is the TRILLIONTH time

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY IS EVERYTHING LIKE THIS FUCK EVERYTHING

its going to be very bad if i let myself throw that exam but its not going to be ALL over, i don’t need to panic THAT much BUT I STILL NEED TO PANIC.