“Friendship” is my favorite movie.

Why aren’t THC beverages called,
“drinkables?”

For my 37th birthday, I bought myself some Preparation H

Best part about celebrating 4/20 is the leftovers

Why don’t any women pass down their first names?

I think it’d be cool to meet a
Tiffany Jr.

I’m 8 seasons into The X-Files, and the biggest question I have is why there isn’t a skip intro option

Been trying to put my friends up on taking fiber supplements because it’s really got my movement game on point.

One finally jumped on board and told me today,

“I feel like a new man.”

Regularity rocks

Whenever I hear about someone having to pass a kidney stone, I always start feeling afraid that I’ll get one.

But then I hear what their diet is and I stop worrying, because it’s always someone that says some shit like,

“Water is gross.”

Dune 2? More like, Snooze 2

I fell asleep in that shit.

Anora? More like, A-snore-a

I fell asleep in that shit.

I want to do a severance thing, but for shitting my pants.

just got word from @merriam-webster.com

they finally adding “cumpilation”

I think it’s time we give Church’s Chicken their flowers