I wish to rip my heart out just to see it bleed that crimson. And know that I’m alive. Just to feel that I’m alive. To find the pieces I lost and stitch them back together. I will become all that I could never receive

I hope you rot in hell for what you’ve done. I pray you never see me again for I’ll be much less kind than I ever was

I’m… haunted by those images. Seeing my own character in such a horrible light hurts me. I can’t believe how much of a monster you have to be to do what happened. I’m disgusted, it makes me sick

The things that eat what’s left of me are the broken promises I’ll never be able to fulfill. Everytime I gave my word to always be there. Everyone of you that I couldn’t keep my word to. I’m sorry. Im so unbelievably sorry and I wish I could’ve been better for you. I’ll be crushed over and over

I should hate. I should be bitter yet all I can feel is sadness and grief over how I failed you. In every moment I did what I thought to be right, I will only see that one failure. You deserved my best and I never gave you that.
Now you’re gone.
And all I have left is the absence and silence alone

Every single time life has had to change seasons for me… it’s been with a great deal of grief. It feels like I can only see the grief things will cause instead of the good times to be had.

My heart. My body. My mind. Are all so tired. Every day they ache and scream to rest. If I found my rest nobody would cry for me. This battle would be over finally.even I can’t cry for me.

Even I did cry out for help. I don’t think anything could help me feel better in the hell im in.

And to you. Those who even see this. Don’t worry. Don’t stress. You know I can’t even do anything stupid if I wanted to

I don’t even know who I am anymore. I want this stupid life to end but I’m too fucking weak to do it myself. I hate it. I hate feeling numb. I hate that I will only lose. I hate myself for caring too much. I hate my family for not caring enough. I just want it to stop. I want to be left alone.

God I’m pathetic aren’t I. Even memories feel like poison after all this

I’m so fucking tired. Keeping my self moving everyday. Letting myself burn for every one else. When will I put myself first? When will I be a priority? There’s a loneliness in me that’s won it’s war long ago and I don’t know why it hasn’t claimed me yet

I finally understand what that canid in the dream was telling me. The more lost I get the more I find the pieces of myself I misplaced earlier in this walk through hell.

With a mind going faster than I can handle I need to be in silence

I want to see the pitch black water again. I want to feel the waves crash against my ankles in the dead of night. I won’t get lost. Not this time