I feel so blessed. Maybe it was all worth it though. Anyway. I am done rambling. Haha 💕

I absolutely adore his faith and his convictions. We can talk about anything for hours. I could listen to him talk about his own path for hours and hours. His voice immediately settles every anxious thought and feeling in my chest. And I never ever knew that love could feel like this.

He's patient... and if he's not sure, he asks me what I mean. And he's calm and he's understanding. And he steadies me when I start to slip back into that space. He wrote me a love letter for me to keep and still reminds me often how much he cares about me. All of this feels completely new.

I still flinch when I think I said the wrong thing. I brace for withdrawal of affection and being screamed at and cut off. I get weakness/dizzy spells and have a hard time learning to trust that I can express my thoughts and feelings without being punished for them. But he wants to know everything.

But I also noticed that my heart... didn't come out unscathed from the last relationship I was in. I miscalculated what I was capable of and thought that my mind could protect my heart. And I was wrong. So wrong in fact that despite my mind being steady, my body is reactive now.

Great. That makes two of us.

I was homeless and fighting for the right to exist as a trans queer before you were even thought of probably. And you're what?

Keep showing the world what you are. I promise you it's doing way more damage than my existence will. And if you think I'm joking, you've clearly never worked at a Cooperative before.

Thank you for illustrating my point. The black and white approach is literally the exact opposite of a dialectical one. And no, I'm not talking about classical philosophy.

I guess it's easier to just not think and avoid nuance. Seems to be improving society somewhat.