If you aren't already aware of it, "Hurts So Good" by Leigh Cowart is worth a read.

the camera just pulled up to give a full view down michigan ave and i gasped. that’s the art institute circled in red on the top left. people continue to pour out of grant park

Capitalist Blowjob Jesus sounds like a Depeche Mode B-side, and I'm here for it

And yet it could get even worse.

Results may vary

I'm angry laughing that I can no longer tell whether this is a serious statement or a headline from The Onion