downthetownnews
LightNews LightNews
banner
downthetownnews.bsky.social
downthetownnews
@downthetownnews.bsky.social
32 followers 36 following 67 posts
Satirical Irish News

downthetownnews.com
Posts Replies Media Videos
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Metal Machine Music: The Music Column with Pól E. Fónaic www.downthetownnews.com/2025/12/10/m...
#Musicsky #MichaelBuble #NickiMinaj #Nice #Bland #Christmas #Turkey #IrvingBerlin #LiffeyValley
Metal Machine Music: The Music Column with Pól E. Fónaic
Music correspondent in excelsis Bublé wishes you a Bland Christmas Like a supermarket shelf in mid-September, or the sight of Neven McGuire plastering something in butter, there are certain signs that tell us Christmas is nigh. But perhaps the most shameless showman of the Shop-Apocalypse is crooner
www.downthetownnews.com
December 10, 2025 at 9:22 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Peacemaker Trump to solve Stranger Things war www.downthetownnews.com/2025/12/06/p...
#DonaldTrump #FIFA #PeacePrize #WorldCup2026 #StrangerThings #Vecna #Eleven #Eggs #Upsidedown
www.downthetownnews.com
December 6, 2025 at 1:45 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Ronaldo free to play in World Cup, ICE to round up Irish defender www.downthetownnews.com/2025/11/25/r...
#CR7 #Cristiano #Sportsky #FIFA #WorldCup2026 #DonaldTrump #FAI #Soccer #Soccerball #Narcissist
Ronaldo free to play in World Cup, ICE to round up Irish defender
In news that will gladden the heart of even the most jaded football fan, Portuguese show pony Cristiano Ronaldo is free to play in the 2026 World Cup after having a further two match ban suspended by FIFA. Ronaldo, who is the only footballer to also be a cod, was sent off earlier this month for elbo
www.downthetownnews.com
November 25, 2025 at 7:08 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Local woman discovers mould in shape of Catherine Connolly on utility room wall www.downthetownnews.com/2025/11/11/l...
#CatherineConnolly #President #Aras #Mould #Politics #Ireland #IvanYates #Bandwagon
www.downthetownnews.com
November 11, 2025 at 6:20 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Local Christmas enthusiast already pissing off neighbours www.downthetownnews.com/2025/11/09/l...
#Christmas #Santa #Enthusiast #Neighbours #Grinch #Frosty #LED #Sleigh #Neighbour
www.downthetownnews.com
November 9, 2025 at 5:38 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Metal Machine Music: The Music Column with Pól E. Fónaic www.downthetownnews.com/2025/11/07/m...
#musicsky #music #metalmachinemusic #Westlife #Coasttocoast #Buffet #Sausagerolls #Dublin #pressconference #Ireland
www.downthetownnews.com
November 7, 2025 at 5:09 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
All Republican candidates to be renamed ‘Donald J. Trump’ for future elections www.downthetownnews.com/2025/11/05/a...
#zohranfornewyork #donaldtrump #prop50 #newyorkcity #Election2025 #LosAngeles #Politics #USA
www.downthetownnews.com
November 5, 2025 at 6:55 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Public backlash at ‘brutal’ treatment of Prince Andrew by royal family www.downthetownnews.com/2025/11/02/p...
#PrinceAndrew #KingCharles #Epsteinfiles #RoyalFamily #Britain #Cucumbers #Sweat #bloodypeasants
www.downthetownnews.com
November 2, 2025 at 5:00 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Fianna Fail and Fine Gael battle to sign up new political sensation Spoiled Vote www.downthetownnews.com/2025/10/28/f...
#Ireland #Politics #PresidentialElection #Spoiled #Vote #FineGael #FiannaFail #pearlnecklace #MariaSteen #CatherineConnolly
Fianna Fail and Fine Gael battle to sign up new political sensation Spoiled Vote
Last week’s Presidential Election saw Independent candidate Catherine Connolly win in a landslide over pearl necklace enthusiast Heather Humphreys. However, what caught the eye for many was the over 213,000 spoiled votes, nearly half of the total garnered by Humphreys. “This Spoiled Vote, whoever th
www.downthetownnews.com
October 28, 2025 at 6:24 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Further Presidential Election controversy as Humphreys revealed to be AI Bot www.downthetownnews.com/2025/10/23/f...
#HeatherHumphreys #Election2025 #President #Ireland #FineGael #SimonHarris #AIBot #Malfunction #Ruralpursuit
Further Presidential Election controversy as Humphreys revealed to be AI Bot
As the nation prepares to go to the polls tomorrow to vote for our next President, the election has been hit by further controversy with Fine Gael candidate Heather Humphreys shockingly revealed to be an AI bot. The revelation came when Humphreys malfunctioned on the final day of the campaign trail,
www.downthetownnews.com
October 23, 2025 at 8:49 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Netanyahu to appear on popular panel show Would I Lie to You? www.downthetownnews.com/2025/07/25/n...
#BBC #Israel #Netanyahu #Genocide #Gaza #Gazastarvation #WouldIlietoyou #RobBrydon #DavidMitchell #LeeMack
www.downthetownnews.com
July 25, 2025 at 4:22 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Local man creating Ireland’s first cockroach farm to combat rising food prices www.downthetownnews.com/2025/07/23/l...
#Costofliving #Ireland #Foodprices #Eurozone #CSO #Cockroaches #Organic #Farming #Healthy #NevenMaguire #readymeals
www.downthetownnews.com
July 23, 2025 at 7:28 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Trump to launch range of ‘saucy’ birthday greeting cards www.downthetownnews.com/2025/07/18/t...
#DonaldTrump #Esptein #Espteinfiles #WallStreetJournal #Bawdy #Crass #Trumpotica #MAGA #Guns #Deadeyedblondes
www.downthetownnews.com
July 18, 2025 at 4:46 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Local man confirms intention to become President as race for Áras hots up www.downthetownnews.com/2025/07/16/l...
#Politics #Ireland #Aras2025 #President #CatherineConnolly #MichaelDHiggins #Pints #Whiskey #Peanuts #Gaza #Ukraine
www.downthetownnews.com
July 16, 2025 at 4:34 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Trump reveals Chelsea fandom, football skills www.downthetownnews.com/2025/07/14/t...
#FIFA #Chelsea #PSG #ClubWorldCup #Sportsky #Football #Soccer #DonaldTrump #CaptainLeaderLegend
www.downthetownnews.com
July 14, 2025 at 5:51 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Local man watches Glastonbury, says it was better in his day www.downthetownnews.com/2025/06/30/l...
#Glastonbury2025 #Glastonburyfestival #MusicSky #PyramidStage #WetLeg #The1975 #CMAT #NeilYoung #Chic #RodStewart #Flags
www.downthetownnews.com
June 30, 2025 at 5:23 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
RTE present Joe Duffy with woman from Clontarf to mark his retirement www.downthetownnews.com/2025/06/27/r...
#JoeDuffy #RTE #Liveline #Clontarf #Caller #Retirement #Goon #Radio #Ireland
www.downthetownnews.com
June 27, 2025 at 8:30 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
It’s Fierce Hot: Local woman takes to sauna to cool down www.downthetownnews.com/2025/06/21/i...
#Weather #Heatwave #Humid #Sunshine #Ireland #Sauna #Workfromhome #Fiercehot
It’s Fierce Hot: Local woman takes to sauna to cool down
With Met Eireann reporting today as the hottest in Ireland since 2022, a local woman has taken to the sauna at the gym in a desperate bid to cool down. Sinead Sexton (34), who works from home, said that the increasingly humid weather had driven her to despair and extreme measures. “I’d all the windo
www.downthetownnews.com
June 21, 2025 at 4:37 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Local shopkeeper claims to have sold winning EuroMillions ticket, demands photo of him drinking champagne www.downthetownnews.com/2025/06/19/l...
#Local #Shop #EuroMillions #Winner #Ticket #Champagne #Cork #Ireland #Lottery
Local shopkeeper claims to have sold winning EuroMillions ticket, demands photo of him drinking champagne
A local shopkeeper has come forward claiming to have sold the EuroMillions ticket that landed the €250m jackpot in Tuesday’s draw. Sheamie O’ Shame (71), proprietor of Shame’s Corner Shop, told DTTN, he was certain he’d sold the winning ticket on the morning of the draw. “I remember I was serving, l
www.downthetownnews.com
June 19, 2025 at 4:08 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Trump watches Mean Girls, says Iran needs to stop trying to make Fetch happen www.downthetownnews.com?p=1822
#Trump #Israel #Iran #Netanyahu #MeanGirls #Fetch #Plastics #Pink #Nerds #ReginaGeorge
Trump watches Mean Girls, says Iran needs to stop trying to make Fetch happen
US President Donald Trump has told Iran’s supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei to stop trying to make fetch happen and that if he continues he may just have to take him out. The threat comes after The Melon Felon watched the cult 2024 film Mean Girls as part of his 79th birthday celebrations. “Benj
www.downthetownnews.com
June 17, 2025 at 6:01 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Netanyahu – Israel will continue Cobra Kai approach to warfare www.downthetownnews.com?p=1819
#Israel #Iran #Netanyahu #Palestine #Trump #DCParade #Netflix #CobraKai
www.downthetownnews.com
June 14, 2025 at 2:52 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Trump calls for US citizens to embrace ICE www.downthetownnews.com?p=1815
#ICE #ICEraids #Protests #Trump #DonaldTrump #LosAngeles #California #Mexico #Soda #CocaCola #Pepsi
Trump calls for US citizens to embrace ICE
As protests over immigration raids continue in Los Angeles and other parts of the US, President Donald Trump has called for citizens to embrace a love of ICE. “I see so many on our streets saying they don’t want ICE,” said Trump. “I don’t get it, folks. We’re in June, a great month for American summ
www.downthetownnews.com
June 10, 2025 at 2:23 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Kneecap to run in Presidential Election www.downthetownnews.com?p=1811
#Kneecap #FreePalestine #musicsky #BritsOut #Ketamine #Politics #Ireland #CEARTA #PresidentialElection #SinnFein #FineGael #Music
Kneecap to run in Presidential Election
Hip hop trio Kneecap have announced that they will jointly run in this year’s Presidential Election. In a surprise move, it is expected that Mo Chara, Móglaí Bap and DJ Próvaí will run under the banner of the newly formed Fuck the Brits, Free Palestine and Ketamine for All Party. “The lads are start
www.downthetownnews.com
May 26, 2025 at 3:37 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Trump reveals Arsenal fandom: ‘They’re just like me’ www.downthetownnews.com?p=1808
#DonaldTrump #Arsenal #Liverpool #PremierLeague #Sportsky #Newcastle #CrystalPalace #Football #Spurs #NBA #Tariffs #Sad #Winner #Simplythebest
Trump reveals Arsenal fandom: ‘They’re just like me’
US President Donald Trump has today surprisingly revealed that he is a big fan of perennial Premier League bridesmaids Arsenal. “Arsenal are a great team, incredible team. Just like me they’ve suffered from fake news saying they’re not the best, but they surely are, folks. Their manager, Mikel, just
www.downthetownnews.com
May 24, 2025 at 2:30 PM
downthetownnews.bsky.social
Medical experiments & empty burger buns: Inside Manchester United’s increasingly desperate cost cutting measures www.downthetownnews.com?p=1804
#ManchesterUnited #Spurs #football #Meme #EuropaLeague #Final #JimRatcliffe #Medical #Experiments #BBQ #Burgerbuns #LukeShaw #Onana #finance
Medical experiments & empty burger buns: Inside Manchester United’s increasingly desperate cost cutting measures
Following last night’s Europa League final defeat to Spurs, Manchester United’s football overlord ‘Brexit’ Jim Ratcliffe has announced a new raft of sweeping cuts to compensate for the club missing out on a Champion’s League qualification windfall. “We couldn’t even beat a meme side like Spurs,” sai
www.downthetownnews.com
May 22, 2025 at 3:24 PM