I learned such a powerful lesson that day- I learned that I could do more than I believed I could, especially when I have the courage to share my fears. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel like you will give up, but make sure you let others know so they can lift you up.

When I shared my weakness, others gave me strength. When I became vulnerable, others gave me courage.

Just a few minutes later, my baby was born. He was healthy and perfect. He still is, 21 years later.

Instantly, the team jumped into action. They didn’t judge me at all, instead their cheers grew louder. They got out a mirror so I could see my baby as he was crowning. Their coaching was more instructive and directed. Somebody grabbed my hand, which gave me more strength.

So I said that. I told the team, “I don’t think I can do this.” In my mind it was a moment of shameful vulnerability, but I had to give voice to what was in my brain before it stopped me from birthing this baby.

I remember this so vividly- there was this moment where I thought, oh crap. This is too much. I can’t do this. I am scared and I just don’t have the energy and strength to get through this. The pain is just too much and I am beat.

Everything progressed smoothly and it comes time to push. I push for about an hour and the baby is slowly making his way out, but I was getting really worn out. The pain was really intense and I had been doing my best but it was so hard.

Lastly, in the spirit of protecting the organizations involved, I won’t release more info about the meeting than what is here. I was certain the meeting would be canceled, but because it wasn’t funded by federal dollars it did take place. Nonetheless, there is palpable fear in DC right now.

In spite of it all, you can’t put that many smart people in a room and not see sparks fly. I loved being able to meet my heroes, hang with friends, and make good trouble. As always, I am returning home re-energized and ready to go.

Oh- we weren’t allowed to record or photograph anything. The meeting was supposed to be live streamed and that option was cancelled at the last minute. There were people circulating the room stopping people from using cameras.

It almost felt like the meeting organizers were given instructions that we should avoid problem solving and community coordination. I am sure that is not the case, but it was pretty frustrating.

Given the number of very esteemed guests in attendance, the amount of time we spent (a lot of time) sitting around waiting for something to happen was extremely unusual. Usually meetings like this are tightly organized to maximize time spent picking each other’s brains and problem solving.

We were instructed at the start of the meeting that we would NOT be discussing any of the issues related to the recent executive orders. If this content came up, the facilitators adeptly redirected the discussion.