I just clocked theres an artist tag on it , cowlum 👍

I have tried multiple strains in multiple forms hoping to eventually land on something that felt good but each experiment just made me more stressed if not straight up anxious.

Also the guilt is bc of how difficult I've made things for my co workers just by leaving.

Which ok. Normal when you care abt people. But staying would've prompted a lupus flare and put my stress through the roof. They don't want that for me.

Beneath that, however, is anxiety that I've done something that will be reprimanded and soon receive correction. And *that's* recognizably irrational and tells me that yes I do need time away from this job.

I didn't draw my stupid pictures. Instead I cried and scrolled on my phone for 3 hours waiting for a restaurant to open for my door dash order.

For now I'm just gonna make some tea and draw my stupid pictures.

Will give it another week. This might have just been a tough night for everyone else too. If I really can't handle it, I'll call my director and we'll figure out the best time for me to leave the company.

I know I messed up. Seems like every 6 months I've this same mistake by moving too fast. I'm on a final warning.

If this is the plan for correction, I don't think I'm gonna last.

Kinda wish they had just fired me.

The room went silent each time each time I got a series of questions. Seemed like I was being asked to say where I was cutting corners or asked to verbally figure out where I went wrong. Those exchanges petered out as the questions ran out or other things came up.

He said there was nothing wrong with my tires. I gave a double thumbs up on at least two occasions.

I have to get hotter - it's the only way to get through being my awkward self. 😑😑😑

Hitting on people while they're on the job and have to be nice to you Or Else is ofc Off Limits which means I got to just sit in my car and overthink abt how is too long for each glance and moment of eye contact.