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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 5h

NEW: Hegseth sets record for largest military D&D campaign ever www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-set-...

Hegseth sets record for largest military D&D campaign ever

Hundreds of generals trapped at Quantico after DTS crash forced to role-play their way out.

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 2d

NEW: Following the announcement that the U.S. Naval Academy would begin accepting applications from students using the Classic Learning Test, officials confirmed today that See Spot Run has been added to the school's official reading list. www.duffelblog.com/naval-academ...

Naval Academy adds 'See Spot Run' to reading list

Officials say advanced students may graduate to Green Eggs and Ham

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 5d

NEW: General officer summit extended for K-Pop Demon Hunter singalong www.duffelblog.com/general-offi...

General officer summit extended for K-Pop Demon Hunter singalong

Generals relieved it wasn’t a firing squad or Eyes Wide Shut reenactment

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Reposted by Duffel Blog

Arctic Velocipedist @arcticvelocipedist.bsky.social · 7d

Available for ICE in extra large and above with our patented “muffin top” holster (you just stash your rusty pistol in the natural folds of your gut) below your J6 jailhouse tats.

Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 8d

New in the @duffelblog.com shop. It even comes in military green, so you can wear it under your uniform during Operation Ending Freedom in a city near you. shop.duffelblog.com/products/ope...

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 7d

"I think we should maybe start thinking about battleships...I don't think it's old technology when you look at those guns," President Trump said today.

And he's got a point. Battleships are very impressive, even when viewed on the seafloor after battle.

www.duffelblog.com/battleship-h...

Battleship History In 15 Awesome Pictures

They're the most powerful ships in the fleet until they are sunk.

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 8d

New in the @duffelblog.com shop. It even comes in military green, so you can wear it under your uniform during Operation Ending Freedom in a city near you. shop.duffelblog.com/products/ope...

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 8d

NEW: Leaked agenda outlines schedule for generals’ meeting at Quantico www.duffelblog.com/leaked-agend...

Leaked agenda outlines schedule for generals’ meeting at Quantico

Generals brace for height/weight checks, essay contests, and trial by combat

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 9d

NEW: Shockwaves have rippled across Washington in recent days following surprise orders from Secretary of Defense (and also War and also Pew Pew) Pete Hegseth that the entirety of U.S. military leadership would muster aboard Marine Corps Base Quantico on Tuesday. www.duffelblog.com/master-strat...

Master strategist Pete Hegseth to gather all U.S. military leaders in same place at same time

Defense secretary insists meeting is secure because it’s on Google Calendar as “Private”

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Reposted by Duffel Blog

Paul Szoldra @paulszoldra.com · 12d

Hegseth waiting for the generals and admirals to show up

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 12d

NEW: CIA destabilizes China by sending them Tylenol www.duffelblog.com/cia-destabil...

CIA destabilizes China by sending them Tylenol

Agency says it will weaponize Benadryl next

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 14d

NEW: The military’s annual Warrant Officer Convention has been deemed a rousing success as over 5,000 officers’ hats registered and flew to the Indian Ocean paradise of the Maldives.

Warrant Officer Convention draws 5,000 hats, only three warrants

Thousands of hats check in for four days of PowerPoint and disappearing acts

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 16d

NEW: Hours after the Pentagon announced it was renaming the Department of Defense to the Department of War, veteran-themed t-shirt companies launched an all-out sprint to design the douchiest War Department tee imaginable, sources confirmed today.

Inside the race to design the douchiest Department of War t-shirt

Pete Hegseth demands designs that are ‘super fucking lethal.’

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 19d

NEW: Captain barely keeping a lid on all the Marxism onboard www.duffelblog.com/captain-bare...

Captain barely keeping a lid on all the Marxism onboard

USS Wasp leadership fears crew will collectivize chow line

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 21d

NEW: Pentagon to prioritize EUCOM, INDOPACOM, AFRICOM, CENTCOM, SOUTHCOM, NORTHCOM www.duffelblog.com/pentagon-to-...

Pentagon to prioritize EUCOM, INDOPACOM, AFRICOM, CENTCOM, SOUTHCOM, NORTHCOM

DoD pledges undivided attention to all six commands at once using math, magic, and PowerPoint

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 23d

NEW: US invades Venezuela after discovering massive stores of 'big booty Latinas' www.duffelblog.com/us-invades-v...

US invades Venezuela after discovering massive stores of 'big booty Latinas'

Recruiting offices report record surge in male applicants aged 13 to 97

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 26d

NEW: Following a brief ceremony in which President Donald Trump acknowledged that he’s actually okay with preferred pronouns, Duffel Blog had the unique opportunity to spend the day with freshly rebranded Secretary of War Pete Hegseth. www.duffelblog.com/newly-rename...

Newly renamed Secretary of War briefly feels something other than crippling insecurity

Secretary of War orders maximum lethality, receives minimum validation

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · 28d

NEW: Pentagon leadership were stunned this morning to find they no longer had access to the nearly $1 trillion budget approved for the Department of Defense following its recent name change to the Department of War, sources confirmed today. www.duffelblog.com/department-o...

Department of War loses access to $1 trillion DoD budget after name change

Check rejected after department fails standard government name verification form

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Sep 8

NEW: Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced this morning that the Department of Defense will cease all operations related to warfighting and instead shift its entire focus toward lethality. www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-anno...

Hegseth announces Pentagon will stop fighting wars, focus on lethality

Department of Defense to rebrand as Also War Department

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Sep 5

NEW: President Donald Trump is calling for the unorthodox activation of January 6th veterans to augment the recent extension of a National Guard troops deployed in the nation’s capital, White House sources confirmed late last night. www.duffelblog.com/trump-recall...

Trump recalls Jan 6ers to D.C.

This marks the first time a cosplay militia has been federally activated by executive order

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Sep 3

NEW: Following the surprise decision to provide military funeral honors to Air Force veteran and January 6th tourist Ashli Babbitt, Under Secretary of the Air Force Matthew Lohmeier announced today that Elmendorf Air Force Base will be renamed in her honor. www.duffelblog.com/air-force-ba...

Air Force base renamed after Ashli Babbitt

Pentagon insists new base name will really bring the country together this time

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Aug 29

NEW: Pentagon finds Hegseth pullups as root cause of failures in Iraq, Afghanistan

Pentagon finds Hegseth pullups as root cause of failures in Iraq, Afghanistan

Audit finds lack of dead hang directly correlated with collapse of two nations

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Aug 25

NEW: Pentagon changes rear admiral rank to something less gay

Pentagon changes rear admiral rank to something less gay

Historic title to be replaced with something the SECDEF can say without giggling

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Aug 22

NEW: Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has mobilized the Florida National Guard to pick fruit, sources confirmed today. www.duffelblog.com/p/national-g...

National Guard mobilized to pick fruit

Governor hails “historic partnership” between citrus industry and underpaid weekend warriors

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Aug 20

NEW: The Pentagon’s newest spokesman introduced himself today in an unorthodox manner — hanging upside down over the Department of Defense seal, wearing nothing but a crisply ironed American flag tie. www.duffelblog.com/p/chimp-hang...

Chimp hanging upside down from lectern named new Pentagon spokesman

Banana tariffs, China, and showing his butt top agenda for new flack

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Duffel Blog @duffelblog.com · Aug 18

NEW: D.C. man forgets to thank Guardsman for his service while being detained www.duffelblog.com/p/dc-man-for...

D.C. man forgets to thank Guardsman for his service while being detained

Witnesses say the disrespect rivaled Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and kneeling during the anthem

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