If I see crumb on the counter and flick it then the house is all clean
January 8, 2025 at 8:18 PM
If I see crumb on the counter and flick it then the house is all clean
All I wanted for Christmas was to properly coil an extension cord
December 27, 2024 at 7:36 PM
All I wanted for Christmas was to properly coil an extension cord
In “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the worst thing in life that can happen to woman without a man is to become a librarian
December 25, 2024 at 7:47 PM
In “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the worst thing in life that can happen to woman without a man is to become a librarian
When it rains, no matter where we are walking, my dog believes that if she just pulls to the left a little more, everything will be better
December 23, 2024 at 7:32 PM
When it rains, no matter where we are walking, my dog believes that if she just pulls to the left a little more, everything will be better
How do you pronounce it?
Criss-miss
Criss-muss
or
Criss-mehss
?
Criss-miss
Criss-muss
or
Criss-mehss
?
December 22, 2024 at 9:29 PM
How do you pronounce it?
Criss-miss
Criss-muss
or
Criss-mehss
?
Criss-miss
Criss-muss
or
Criss-mehss
?
Look. Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. Die Hard is a movie that takes place at Christmastime. There’s a difference.
Die Hard 2 is a Christmas movie.
Die Hard 2 is a Christmas movie.
December 22, 2024 at 9:21 PM
Look. Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. Die Hard is a movie that takes place at Christmastime. There’s a difference.
Die Hard 2 is a Christmas movie.
Die Hard 2 is a Christmas movie.
I owe my healthy disrespect of authority to the example set by Frosty the Snowman
December 21, 2024 at 5:32 AM
I owe my healthy disrespect of authority to the example set by Frosty the Snowman
Waking up isn’t the hard part. Getting out of bed is.
December 10, 2024 at 6:13 PM
Waking up isn’t the hard part. Getting out of bed is.
The Golden Gate Bridge is the bridge that spans The Golden Gate, which is why it isn’t painted gold. Otherwise it would be The Gate Golden Bridge.
December 1, 2024 at 1:51 AM
The Golden Gate Bridge is the bridge that spans The Golden Gate, which is why it isn’t painted gold. Otherwise it would be The Gate Golden Bridge.
TIL Snoopy is a dog and not a funny-looking kid with a big nose
November 28, 2024 at 3:31 AM
TIL Snoopy is a dog and not a funny-looking kid with a big nose
So do you pronounce it “Sweet Tarts” or “Swee-tarts?”
November 26, 2024 at 9:33 PM
So do you pronounce it “Sweet Tarts” or “Swee-tarts?”
How long does it really take for the cows to come home anyway?
November 26, 2024 at 6:47 AM
How long does it really take for the cows to come home anyway?
Just bought earplugs and a sleep mask from Amazon. So naturally, they recommended the handcuffs.
November 17, 2024 at 7:57 PM
Just bought earplugs and a sleep mask from Amazon. So naturally, they recommended the handcuffs.
The devil is in the detals
October 22, 2024 at 8:37 PM
The devil is in the detals
Boy, did I used to think carbon paper was a lot of fun
October 20, 2024 at 11:49 PM
Boy, did I used to think carbon paper was a lot of fun
Gender-specific shampoo is a lie
October 20, 2024 at 5:02 PM
Gender-specific shampoo is a lie
Walk dog; man on street asks what kind she is. I tell man. Man chuckles, then shouts, "Well, improve the virgin!" I continue walking dog, unsure how to proceed with advice
October 19, 2024 at 4:39 PM
Walk dog; man on street asks what kind she is. I tell man. Man chuckles, then shouts, "Well, improve the virgin!" I continue walking dog, unsure how to proceed with advice
“Sir, can you spare an Arizona Green Tea?” - Los Angeles panhandler
October 18, 2024 at 9:05 PM
“Sir, can you spare an Arizona Green Tea?” - Los Angeles panhandler
My neighbor, calling out across the street -
"Have you seen Mr. Felcher?"
Me, responding - "Mr. Felcher?"
Him - "I think? I can never remember his name!"
Me - "I bet it's not Felcher."
"Have you seen Mr. Felcher?"
Me, responding - "Mr. Felcher?"
Him - "I think? I can never remember his name!"
Me - "I bet it's not Felcher."
October 18, 2024 at 4:21 PM
My neighbor, calling out across the street -
"Have you seen Mr. Felcher?"
Me, responding - "Mr. Felcher?"
Him - "I think? I can never remember his name!"
Me - "I bet it's not Felcher."
"Have you seen Mr. Felcher?"
Me, responding - "Mr. Felcher?"
Him - "I think? I can never remember his name!"
Me - "I bet it's not Felcher."