I’ve been writing a novel for the last 2.5 years, posting it online. About six months ago, I realized it was basically a 500+ page personal ad.

The craziest thing? It actually worked! A gal read it, emailed me, and now we’ve been together three months and I’m planning to move across the country.

autocorrupt
verb.

The act by autocorrect of changing something correct to something wrong

“Autocorrect just autocorrupted my text.”

noun.

Autocorrect when it changes something correct to something wrong

“Ducking autocorrupt!”

A panini in the hand is worth two in the bush.

I propose that a symposium for philosophers should be called a supposium.

A visual pun. Any guesses?

I found myself talking to the cells of my sudoku game…

“I thought you had 7 potential, but you just don’t. You’re lacking that cerrrttttaiiiinnnn……. 7.”

I’ve binged about 60 lesbian romance novel audiobooks in the last three months. The single greatest commonality between them is poor communication. It honestly drives me crazy, because you *can* write a good romance novel without all the drama and heartache poor communication causes. I’m doing it.

A 2019 poll in Great Britain found that 12% of men believed they could score a point off Serena Williams, which is obviously ludicrous. I, on the other hand, totally could. See, after she schooled the 3.3M overconfident men, her arm would be very tired and she’d double-fault.

I wonder how often scammers on dating sites end up trying to scam each other. Like five of the last seven people I’ve talked to weren’t real. They must run into each other pretty frequently, right?

Why are people just the worst? I’ve been writing a novel and posting it to a few websites. With the exception of one chapter (of 35 so far), every single time someone gives it a 1-star rating. Why read 500+ pages if you don’t like the story? Why go out of your way to make someone feel bad?

Job searching is like running bogosort.

I got a comment on my novel last night saying they want to purchase a copy once it’s finished and published. Talk about a compliment. #authorGoals

If detectives ever try to pin a murder on me, I’m going to ask if we’ve gone to the second commercial break yet. If not, it’s wayyyy too early for them to have caught the real culprit.

Why is it that I take people at their word in all things except compliments?

I’ve been reading/listening to #WindAndTruth. Szeth’s backstory—the way he thinks and wants to do what is right—wants to know The Rules—is like watching myself grow up.