wwx smiles, his tears overflowing, as he bites his finger and drags it along their bodies where they are connected.

they take a deep breath and close their eyes as one.

they don't open them again.

he moves his face down as far as it will go, kissing at lwj's ear and nape, and sobs. he knows how to end this, he's been trapped in all these lives just like lwj and he's had enough. "keep your head down." he tells lwj, who somehow holds him even tighter.

"it's okay. we'll be okay. this has to end, lan zhan." he repeats. "you can't go on like this anymore. i'll help you, alright? this will be the end." wwx voice is thick as he talks and he gasps when lwj kisses his neck.

"i know, i know." wwx shushes him. "hold me tighter, lan zhan. i'm not going anywhere." lwj squeezes his waist so hard any other body would burst, but wwx huffs out a laugh and guides lwj's head bury in the crook of his neck.

he can't— not to his wwx, not to him too.

but wwx sighs, soft and sad, and kisses him. lwj kisses back while he can. he hasn't always gotten far enough for them to become lovers, so they haven't kissed in so very long. he misses it. he misses wwx so much.

"sweetheart, it's time to let go. let me go. this has to end." he pleads, and lwj finally sees who he is, the pain in his eyes, the melted together mix of every life and every wwx he has lived. there's blood dripping from his nose already. no. lwj has fucked up again.

"lan zhan," he murmurs, tears welling in his eyes. "you've worked so hard." wwx comes and embraces lwj—and it's so so easy to return it, fit his arms around his waist where they belong. "i love you." wwx continues, pushing lwj's hair out if his eyes.

every time, he has failed.

lwj doesn't know how long he's been stuck in this never ending loop, but he's tired. he's exhausted and hurt and pained, emotionally and physically.

when he meets wwx in this life, however, wwx looks at him for the first time with recognition in his eyes.

the end! 🥹🤍

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"lan zhan, i love you." he murmurs.

lwj doesn't stir in the slightest. wwx smiles, looking at his lips, then closes his eyes. the storm rages on outside. maybe he'll get to sleep before morning.

wwx kisses his forehead and his nose and his cheeks, feeling how his fever has lowered, before he presses a chaste kiss against his lips and settles down.

when he crawls back into bed, he gathers lwj into an embrace the best he can without moving and jostling him too much and presses his lips to the top of lwj's head.
lwj is soft in his sleep, crinkle in his brow smoothed out.

no. lwj deserves to be able to show his hurt and not be punished anymore for it.

he just wishes... he just wishes lwj didn't have any pain at all.

the thought that he wishes lwj wasn't in pain as well so he would take care of wwx instead poisons his mind for a selfish second before he slaps at his own face.

-

it doesn't take much longer for lwj to close his eyes and fall asleep, the time being later than wwx thought. he gets out of bed to relieve himself and splash some water on his face, to wipe again at the sweat forming at his joints from the pain

he cradles lwj's hand, carefully bringing it up towards his chest. running on hand along his forearm, wwx presses a kiss to each of lwj's fingers.
"let me take care of you." he murmurs against them. they twitch in his hold.