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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel
@elijfinkel.bsky.social
2.3K followers 500 following 77 posts
Professor at Northwestern/Kellogg • Author of THE ALL-OR-NOTHING MARRIAGE • Co-host of the LOVE FACTUALLY podcast • Co-director of the CENTER FOR ENLIGHTENED DISAGREEMENT • Post about relationships (sex, marriage) and politics (polarization, free speech).
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · Nov 12
Welcome to the surge of new folks here!

I'm a Northwestern/Kellogg psychology professor who studies: (1) romantic relationships and (2) U.S. political polarization/free speech.

I co-direct NU's CENTER FOR ENLIGHTENED DISAGREEMENT & co-host the LOVE FACTUALLY podcast.

lovefactually.substack.com
Love Factually Podcast | Paul Eastwick | Substack
Click to read Love Factually Podcast, a Substack publication with hundreds of subscribers.
lovefactually.substack.com
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · 3d
📢POSTDOC POSITION ANNOUNCEMENT📢

@nourkteily.bsky.social & I are recruiting a postdoc in the #LitowitzCenter for Enlightened Disagreement. We seek research excellence regarding navigating conflict.

Application deadline: Nov. 17.

Salary: ~$80k.

facultyrecruiting.northwestern.edu/apply/MjQzNw==
Northwestern Faculty Search -
facultyrecruiting.northwestern.edu
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Reposted by Eli Finkel
mrossignacmilon.bsky.social
Maya Rossignac-Milon @mrossignacmilon.bsky.social · Sep 4
What kinds of conversations spark instant connection?

Excited to share my first NYT Guest Essay, with @ericaboothby.bsky.social.

We argue that playful riffing — creating a little world together — forges and deepens relationships through shared reality.

www.nytimes.com/2025/09/04/o...
Opinion | You’re Probably Doing Small Talk Wrong
www.nytimes.com
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · Sep 3
📢 MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT 📢

@nourkteily.bsky.social and I are delighted to introduce the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement, supercharged by a $20M gift from Jennifer and Alec Litowitz.

The #LitowitzCenter helps people harness the power of difference.

www.chicagotribune.com/2025/09/03/n...
Northwestern trustee and husband gift $20 million to Center for Enlightened Disagreement
A Northwestern University trustee and her husband have donated $20 million to support the school’s Center for Enlightened Disagreement.
www.chicagotribune.com
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · Aug 25
The Center employs scientific evidence to help people, organizations, and societies leverage the power of disagreement for good.

To learn more about the Center, see this Northwestern Magazine cover story.

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magazine.northwestern.edu/features/cen...
Enlightened Disagreement
Northwestern professors Eli Finkel and Nour Kteily, co-founders of the Center for Enlightened Disagreement housed in the Kellogg School of Management, discuss polarization in the U.S. and how Democrat...
magazine.northwestern.edu
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · Aug 25
📢JOB POSTING: Senior Director for the Center for Enlightened Disagreement (CED).📢

@nourkteily.bsky.social and I seek a strategic leader to help us build the Center (see ensuing post for information about CED).

Target salary range: $125,000-$155,000.

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careers.northwestern.edu/psc/hrnu_er/...
An error has occurred.
careers.northwestern.edu
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · Aug 4
Welcome, Eric -- thanks for subscribing to the show!

And good question. I'd love to listen to such a podcast, too. To my knowledge, no such show exists, but I've tagged @pauleastwick.bsky.social in case he might have any leads.
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · Aug 4
A big THANK YOU to @davidmcraney.bsky.social for featuring the #LoveFactually podcast on #YouAreNotSoSmart!

The episode delves into #TheNotebook, figuring out what the movie gets right -- and what it gets wrong -- about how relationships work.

Enjoy!

youarenotsosmart.com/2025/08/04/y...
YANSS 319 – What movies often get wrong about romantic love, relationships, and human mating in general
Two psychologists who study love, relationships, and human mating behavior pick apart the movie “The Notebook” and tell us what it gets right and what it gets wrong when it comes to por…
youarenotsosmart.com
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Reposted by Eli Finkel
ipratnu.bsky.social
Institute for Policy Research at Northwestern University @ipratnu.bsky.social · Jul 29
Dive into the science behind your favorite rom-coms with
@elijfinkel.bsky.social and Paul Eastwick’s "Love Factually" podcast. Discover what Hollywood gets right—and wrong—about love. ❤️ 🎥

Listen now: www.lovefactuallypod.com
Love Factually
www.lovefactuallypod.com
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Reposted by Eli Finkel
keremoktar.bsky.social
Kerem Oktar @keremoktar.bsky.social · Jun 3
🎉Life update🎉

After 6 wonderful years at Princeton, I am officially *Dr.* Oktar!

Next: Postdoc at Meta FAIR w/ @asli-celikyilmaz.bsky.social; then, postdoc at Kellogg studying disagreement w/ @elijfinkel.bsky.social & @nourkteily.bsky.social!

Thanks @tanialombrozo.bsky.social for the hood :)
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Reposted by Eli Finkel
ipratnu.bsky.social
Institute for Policy Research at Northwestern University @ipratnu.bsky.social · May 21
Agree to disagree? That's the goal of Kellogg's Center for Enlightened Disagreement, led by @elijfinkel.bsky.social and Nour Kteily. Read more about how two leading scholars of conflict and polarization want to help us have more productive conversations. magazine.northwestern.edu/features/cen...
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
If you'd like to read the chapter -- or even if you'd just like to see more of the quotes I use to illustrate the principles of relationship science -- you can read it here:

openpublishing.princeton.edu/read/romantic-
openpublishing.princeton.edu
elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
Time won’t fly
it’s like I’m paralyzed by it
I’d like to be my old self again
But I’m still trying to find it

— Taylor Swift (2012), All Too Well
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
The practice of love offers no place of safety. We risk loss, hurt, pain.

— bell hooks (2000), All About Love
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.

— Ursula Le Guin, The Lathe of Heaven
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
Every action of theirs, that seems to them an act of their own free will, is in an historical sense not free at all, but in bondage to the whole course of previous history.

— Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
The chapter quotes liberally from major thinkers and pop-culture icons alike -- from Leo Tolstoy to Ursula Le Guin to bell hooks to Taylor Swift. Here are some examples:
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
Finally, the chapter considers three major challenges confronting relationship science: (1) biased research samples, (2) the chasmic divide separating the field from evolutionary-psych perspectives on relationships, and (3) measurement challenges that hamper our theory-testing.
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
Next, the chapter considers three emerging topics in relationship science: (1) consensual nonmonogamy, (2) relationships-as-microcultures, and (3) singlehood.
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
The chapter then considers the dissolution of romantic relationships, including a discussion of whether a relationship that breaks up is necessarily a failure.
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
The second batch encompasses 12 interpersonal tendencies that we can cultivate to strengthen our relationships, including constructive patterns of thought and behavior.
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
Then the chapter gets into the field's major ideas and findings, discussing them in two batches. The first batch encompasses seven exogenous constraints that impinge upon our relationships, including the nature of human psychology, human sociality, and time itself.
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
The chapter then considers the methods of relationship science -- how researchers design studies and use empirical evidence to test falsifiable hypotheses about the nature of romantic relationships.
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
"[I]f the sociologists and psychologists can get even a suggestion of the answer to our pattern of romantic love, marriage, disillusions, divorce—and the children left behind—it would be the best investment of federal money since Jefferson made the Louisiana purchase.”
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Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
The chapter discusses the fraught history of relationship science, including attacks from Congressmen and clergy, such as: “Who granted these ‘scientists’ the ability to see into men’s minds and hearts?"

It also discusses forceful defenses of the field, including in the NYT:
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elijfinkel.bsky.social
Eli Finkel @elijfinkel.bsky.social · May 21
🎇NEW PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENT🎇

“Love may be a many-splendored thing, but it’s also a battlefield.”

So begins my "Romantic Relationships" chapter in the new, OPEN-ACCESS, Handbook of Social Psychology (6e). The chapter synthesizes what I've learned in my 28 years in the field.

🧵
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