Part 4: At this juncture I hear an ominous sound rumbling above , and suddenly a torrent of water starts pouring out of the ceiling, like a broken pipe or overflowing sink. I think of all the expensive woodwork and furniture and electronics being ruined. It’s just… so church.

Part 3: We are all waiting for the service to start, to go into the sanctuary. It’s like an upscale reception going on with snacks and beverages. These women are like “ pick me” girls and seem offended that I am not paying attention to them; one especially. I am annoyed at them… leave me alone.

Part 2: Anyway, I’m there, and wandering through the building. I come to a lounge that has a TV built in the wall broadcasting the Religious News Service 24/7. I think that is odd. I find myself sitting next to three women who are lesbians, middle aged.