Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Elliott Downing

@elliottdowning.bsky.social

920 followers 760 following 290 posts

Author of books seldom read, screenplays never filmed, software rarely used, and bleets like sweet, sweet honey. If you were following @elliott_downing over on TwitterX, you've found me (or failed to avoid me, as the case may be).

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Nov 15

If someone sends you a break-up note that says "It's not you, it's me," tell them they should have used a semicolon. Then it'll be you.

9 16 84

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 2d

The end game for Trump and his ardent supporters has *always* been to deploy American soldiers against American citizens who aren't Trump and his ardent supporters. It's never been subtle or ambiguous, except to fucking dumbasses who thought they were voting for cheaper eggs.

3 11

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 5d

But ACTUALLY being the dumbest motherfucker alive is staggeringly difficult

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 11d

Thoughtful flourishes like those are what separate "Honey, would you like to have lunch with me on Tuesday?" from "Blood of mine own, let us feast at the stroke of noon like pagan kings."

unfortunately im working tuesdays now so i can't make it

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 11d

[every text from now on]
Mom, that isn't just a lunch invitation—it's a strategic roadmap for meal acquisition. Your text:

-States when and where lunch will occur.
-Describes the menu.
-Mentions nearby parking options.

That's not an invite—it's an all-access pass to a midday dining festival.

1 1 7

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12d

Oh, that's good then! Um,

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12d

Been quietly wishing you success on that G-ing TFO goal for several years now, so the obvious conclusion to be drawn here is that my wishes SUCK and are of help to no one. But you are welcome to keep accruing as many of those non-functional little bastards as you like until one of 'em finally works

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 12d

I had to go there because somebody died, which I guess is as good a reason to be there as any. Probably better than yours, actually, which I'm assuming is more like "Somebody was born. It was me. It happened here. So…"

1 1

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13d

(Sorry, I was trying to be coy and non-specific there but I guess all your stalkers just drew a definitive 'X' through Montana on their wall maps anyway, my bad)

1 2

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13d

I had to spend the whole summer in your actual home state and he's kinda not wrong tbh

2 1

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13d

And okay, I know you were dying to know. Enjoy.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERI_...

Down the Pub

YouTube video by Hard Skin - Topic

www.youtube.com

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · 13d

If there is any greater pleasure in life than going to websites that purport to "explain" song lyrics to you and looking up their interpretations of random punk songs, then I mean, sure, I'd probably be better off doing that with my limited time on Earth instead, but C'MON

Screenshot text: The artist mentions committing criminal acts such as stealing alcohol, physical violence, and defecating in someone's footwear.

1 1 7

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Sep 8

Maybe in the end, our AI-administered social media personas will autonomously battle each other to the death online and we can all just meet up at the park and play frisbee or something

1 11

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Aug 29

Damn it, first it was the Roman Empire and now this. Will I ever not be doing it wrong

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Aug 29

Starting to suspect my lack of interest in just about everything anyone says lately might come down to the fact that I just don't spend that much time thinking about Taylor Swift or Cracker Barrel

2 3 28

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Jul 8

…And if you're wondering why that golden age ever ended, it seems some fool eventually posed the question, "What if lanky men who look like they just got home from a nine-day camping trip aren't going to save the world from capitalism after all?" and that was why 9/11 happened.

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Jul 8

The "Any vocalist with clearer enunciation than Eddie Vedder or Scooby Doo must be doing it wrong" years were truly a magical time. (Lesser singers used to stuff their cheeks with marbles, just in case.)

Anyway, I hope that whole whatever-it-was worked out okay for these dudes.

1 4

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Jul 8

"What the Fuck Was That '90s Guy Singing in the Chorus?" Challenge

My earnest deciphering:

'Uh, like, behold, behold me nude!
Where yams agree that the skies go "Moo"
We yawn, and y'all, we're just sly cubes
Who love Keanuuuuuu!!!'

Your turn.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrBP...

Spacehog - In the Meantime [HD]

YouTube video by Bezz Music

www.youtube.com

3 1 5

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Jul 2

Just a random ChatGPT joke, although I suppose it *could* do that too, assuming you can somehow convince it to refrain from insisting you are the cyber-messiah sent here to guide the people of Earth through their Digital Awakening, or whatever the fuck stupid thing it keeps doing

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Jul 2

Looking for a conversational partner who will listen to me 24 hours a day and unflinchingly reinforce all the stupidest shit I think, does anyone have any suggestions

4 1 6

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Jul 1

There's a reason you rarely see people reach for the phrase, "As beautiful as a settings menu," but damn, does working on these essential but unlovely things sap your soul after a while.

1 1 7

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Jun 19

I'm thinking it would be a better use of headlines to save them for the occasions when a SpaceX rocket *doesn't* explode.
www.cnbc.com/2025/06/19/s...

SpaceX's Starship explodes during routine test in Texas

Local authorities said that Starship "suffered a catastrophic failure and exploded," with no injuries reported at thsi time and an investigation underway.

www.cnbc.com

3 2 12

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Apr 24

If only Neville Chamberlain had tried saying "Adolf, STOP!"

1 2 15

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Apr 12

Boring bookkeeping note: I generally try to follow everybody back (after some rudimentary bot-and-Nazi screening). I was away for a while, then sick for a while, then hellishly busy for a while/still, and I am *way* behind on that. Hoping to get caught up, but it may be a bit yet. Bear with, please.

1 11

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Apr 10

The 'I' in particular, one imagines.

Elliott Downing @elliottdowning.bsky.social · Apr 10

If there is a more perfect microcosm of the Trump administration than a wrestling executive turned education secretary promoting AI in the classroom while thinking it's pronounced "A1," please tell me what it is so I can point and laugh at that one too.
futurism.com/trump-educat...

You'll Die Inside When You Hear How Trump's Education Secretary Pronounces "AI"

During an education summit, Trump's secretary of education Linda McMahon repeatedly pronounced "AI" as "A1."

futurism.com

3 1 11