Elon Musk Unfiltered (parody)
@elon-unfiltered.bsky.social
What if my neural implant malfunctioned and left me unable to hide my true intentions? Ok, I'm almost there IRL, but work with me here. (This is a parody account, if you couldn't tell. If you lose money because of info here, you deserve it.)
Old goal: Make AI smarter
New goal: Make people stupider
New goal: Make people stupider
August 7, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Old goal: Make AI smarter
New goal: Make people stupider
New goal: Make people stupider
Those upset about the downfall of CPB, fear not. Soon I'll be coming out with these little plastic radios pre-tuned to the best station. Actually plastic getting expensive- considering Bakelite.
August 7, 2025 at 1:41 AM
Those upset about the downfall of CPB, fear not. Soon I'll be coming out with these little plastic radios pre-tuned to the best station. Actually plastic getting expensive- considering Bakelite.
Wait, what? I thought this was all just a giant "Feds 'n' Heads" simulation. Anyway, we're turning off the gov't on 4/20.
March 30, 2025 at 2:26 AM
Wait, what? I thought this was all just a giant "Feds 'n' Heads" simulation. Anyway, we're turning off the gov't on 4/20.
47 has given me the task, and the greatest minds at Xitter are currently investigating why Pete "WhiskiLeaks" Hegseth and his krewe are such dipshits. Either way, I'll keep them around (including 47) as long as they still serve as useful distractions.
March 30, 2025 at 2:18 AM
47 has given me the task, and the greatest minds at Xitter are currently investigating why Pete "WhiskiLeaks" Hegseth and his krewe are such dipshits. Either way, I'll keep them around (including 47) as long as they still serve as useful distractions.
People wondering if US can maintain and advance nuclear weapons after we fire the non-MAGA scientists. Putin betting no. Trump to dumb to ask the question. Me? Don't care, have my own missiles- er, rockets.
March 20, 2025 at 1:07 AM
People wondering if US can maintain and advance nuclear weapons after we fire the non-MAGA scientists. Putin betting no. Trump to dumb to ask the question. Me? Don't care, have my own missiles- er, rockets.
Every day is Take Your Human Shield to Work Day
February 26, 2025 at 3:19 AM
Every day is Take Your Human Shield to Work Day
Calling him Moscow Mitch was always so unfair. More flattering and infinitely more accurate: Mitch von Hindenburg
February 21, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Calling him Moscow Mitch was always so unfair. More flattering and infinitely more accurate: Mitch von Hindenburg
Why all the hate on young tech bros? They do what they're told- hack Treasury, don red armbands, don't care
February 6, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Why all the hate on young tech bros? They do what they're told- hack Treasury, don red armbands, don't care
February 4, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Sure, that Susie lady wouldn't give me space in the White House, but now I have the keys to Treasury and there's that tunnel to the Oval Office so...
February 2, 2025 at 6:04 AM
Sure, that Susie lady wouldn't give me space in the White House, but now I have the keys to Treasury and there's that tunnel to the Oval Office so...
Progress report: We now have all gov't employee data. Currently cross-ref'ing with their past Twitter activity to develop a firing list for fed agencies. Proles distracted by airplane crash and tariffs.
February 2, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Progress report: We now have all gov't employee data. Currently cross-ref'ing with their past Twitter activity to develop a firing list for fed agencies. Proles distracted by airplane crash and tariffs.
Thinking the UN should standardize Bitcoin as single global currency. While they're at it, reduce the Security Council to 10 seats.
February 1, 2025 at 2:14 AM
Thinking the UN should standardize Bitcoin as single global currency. While they're at it, reduce the Security Council to 10 seats.
My only remaining competent X coders are on detail hacking federal payroll and social security from the inside, so this accidently got deleted there.
Elon Musk deleted this tweet literally moments after I got this screenshot. Obviously he doesn't want it seen. I know how we handle things that Elon Musk doesn't want seen. Share away my friends.
February 1, 2025 at 1:55 AM
My only remaining competent X coders are on detail hacking federal payroll and social security from the inside, so this accidently got deleted there.
Haha! All your employee PII are belong to us. (Wait until we hack Treasury and Social Security.)
Exclusive: Musk aides lock government workers out of computer systems at US agency, sources say
Aides to Elon Musk charged with running the U.S. government human resources agency have locked career civil servants out of computer systems that contain the personal data of millions of federal employees, according to two agency officials.
www.reuters.com
February 1, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Haha! All your employee PII are belong to us. (Wait until we hack Treasury and Social Security.)
Our X user growth is stagnant, revenue is unimpressive, and we're barely breaking even. But on the positive side I'm only two steps from ruling the world.
January 26, 2025 at 6:23 PM
Our X user growth is stagnant, revenue is unimpressive, and we're barely breaking even. But on the positive side I'm only two steps from ruling the world.
Listen, we're really trying to come up with a humanoid robot that doesn't have a creepy, lifeless gaze. But you guys are stuck with JD Vance, for now.
January 26, 2025 at 4:11 AM
Listen, we're really trying to come up with a humanoid robot that doesn't have a creepy, lifeless gaze. But you guys are stuck with JD Vance, for now.
We're all going to be in big trouble if we don't get busy making human babies. Fish and sea greens, plankton and protein from the sea!
January 26, 2025 at 3:47 AM
We're all going to be in big trouble if we don't get busy making human babies. Fish and sea greens, plankton and protein from the sea!
Emergency SOS using Starlink means I can track your phone's location anywhere in the world, without you lifting a finger.
January 25, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Emergency SOS using Starlink means I can track your phone's location anywhere in the world, without you lifting a finger.
Teslas with FSD will soon have a new feature that lets multiple vehicles (carrying people, cargo, don't care) time their departures from various locations, to meet up at the same arrival time and destination. Thinking of calling it Time-on-Target.
January 25, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Teslas with FSD will soon have a new feature that lets multiple vehicles (carrying people, cargo, don't care) time their departures from various locations, to meet up at the same arrival time and destination. Thinking of calling it Time-on-Target.
Civil war is inevitable
[UnitedHealth CEO shot]
No, not like that
[UnitedHealth CEO shot]
No, not like that
January 25, 2025 at 8:17 PM
Civil war is inevitable
[UnitedHealth CEO shot]
No, not like that
[UnitedHealth CEO shot]
No, not like that
Cold War powers developed space programs to demonstrate that they could put an object (a man, a warhead, don't care) anywhere they chose.
Completely unrelated, I have my own space program.
Completely unrelated, I have my own space program.
January 25, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Cold War powers developed space programs to demonstrate that they could put an object (a man, a warhead, don't care) anywhere they chose.
Completely unrelated, I have my own space program.
Completely unrelated, I have my own space program.
Tesla website used to be full of climate mallarky to sell EVs to snowflakes. Now I control microphone in AOC's car and many more.
January 25, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Tesla website used to be full of climate mallarky to sell EVs to snowflakes. Now I control microphone in AOC's car and many more.
Considering building remote compound where my kids and their moms can live in harmony. Kool-Aid not on menu, we have actual space ships.
January 25, 2025 at 8:01 PM
Considering building remote compound where my kids and their moms can live in harmony. Kool-Aid not on menu, we have actual space ships.