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ericalan.bsky.social
Payphone Times
@ericalan.bsky.social
The universe you are trying to reach is not currently connected. Please hang up and meditate on the meaning of intimacy until your waveform fully aligns with now. Everett branching anomaly one nine five seven. ^Please deposit another 25¢^
This is all due to the Mandela Effect… or something eerily similar.
April 4, 2025 at 4:01 AM
It’s only the stage directions, I know, but ya gotta plant your wordplay trees wherever you can find purchase!
February 2, 2025 at 6:15 PM
I only take medications that have a memorable jingle.
January 26, 2025 at 1:29 AM
Next time you are frustrated with a friend, get all huffy, and in the poshest voice you can muster say, “Why you cumbersome florentine!” (*optional: throw a handkerchief to the floor, exeunt with flourish).

You are welcome.
January 20, 2025 at 7:39 PM
‘Ersatz Haderach’

Will be the name of my upcoming ‘Improvised Dune’ stage show.
January 15, 2025 at 4:53 AM
When I attempt an interpersonal exchange in real life I will normally create a fictional character configured to act on my behalf in that specific situation; at that point I let that character take the reins for as long as no one notices.

You know… like everyone does… right? …right?!
January 12, 2025 at 11:47 PM
I tried this once before with no luck… but what have we got to lose…

COMPUTER!
END PROGRAM!

Damn it. Still this.
January 12, 2025 at 3:50 AM
“…and just like when I woke up during my colonoscopy, I was surprised to find out I had it in me.”
January 11, 2025 at 1:31 PM
New studies have shown that unfortunately, just like Goggle Glasses, the voluntary purchase of Amajon Ecco Frames does indeed indicate that you are an asshole.
January 10, 2025 at 11:49 AM
“No matter what we tried, the suspect was like a gyroscopic server at a vegan restaurant, it didn’t look like they were ever gonna spill the beans.”
January 10, 2025 at 3:55 AM
Stanley Tucci has finally given in and renamed all of his previous and upcoming Italian food travel shows to: “(gasp) You’ve Never Beeeen?!”
January 5, 2025 at 10:02 PM
I went to a buffet restaurant that exists throughout the multiverse called ‘EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL YOU CAN EAT’. Honestly, I could take it or leave it.
January 5, 2025 at 4:32 AM
“…but like a drunk tambourine player in the bathroom, I would not be going quietly.”
January 2, 2025 at 10:11 PM
Note to self: Don’t workshop bits during group therapy.
January 2, 2025 at 4:12 AM
This is me (see attached photo) - just to lay the groundwork.

(I have no idea what “groundwork” is. I assume I has something to do with perennials or cemeteries; either way, apt.)
February 26, 2024 at 1:14 AM
February 26, 2024 at 1:04 AM