Erik Johnson
@erikjwithak.bsky.social
Introvert + Writer + Coffeeholic = Awkward Dork. WSET Level 3 wine educator. SMU Mustang. All You Need is Love. And Hockey.
My life summed up in one sentence: “That sure didn’t go as planned.”
April 20, 2025 at 8:06 PM
My life summed up in one sentence: “That sure didn’t go as planned.”
Helpful tech support hint: When your computer is acting up just yell at it to Megabyte Me. Works every time. Follow me for more IT support tips.
April 20, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Helpful tech support hint: When your computer is acting up just yell at it to Megabyte Me. Works every time. Follow me for more IT support tips.
There is this girl in our astronomy club who is so melodramatic. She is such an Andromeda queen.
April 19, 2025 at 5:15 PM
There is this girl in our astronomy club who is so melodramatic. She is such an Andromeda queen.
The Keurig machine in the office took *forever* to fill my cup. Googling how to check its prostate.
April 19, 2025 at 3:03 PM
The Keurig machine in the office took *forever* to fill my cup. Googling how to check its prostate.
Coffee and wine are my life coaches. Coffee is there for a pat on the ass "Go get 'em, we can do this." And then wine is like, "You'll get 'em tomorrow. You gave it a good shot."
April 19, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Coffee and wine are my life coaches. Coffee is there for a pat on the ass "Go get 'em, we can do this." And then wine is like, "You'll get 'em tomorrow. You gave it a good shot."
The awkward introvert's guide to speed dating:
Don’t overthink it. You’ll do that later. In bed. At 3:47am.
Don’t overthink it. You’ll do that later. In bed. At 3:47am.
April 15, 2025 at 10:45 PM
The awkward introvert's guide to speed dating:
Don’t overthink it. You’ll do that later. In bed. At 3:47am.
Don’t overthink it. You’ll do that later. In bed. At 3:47am.
Me: “We need to focus.”
Brain: What if dogs think we’re the pets?
Brain: What if dogs think we’re the pets?
April 15, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Me: “We need to focus.”
Brain: What if dogs think we’re the pets?
Brain: What if dogs think we’re the pets?
The awkward introvert’s version of interval training:
Make eye contact with someone across the room. Look away. Then accidentally look back. Repeat until death.
Make eye contact with someone across the room. Look away. Then accidentally look back. Repeat until death.
April 15, 2025 at 12:32 AM
The awkward introvert’s version of interval training:
Make eye contact with someone across the room. Look away. Then accidentally look back. Repeat until death.
Make eye contact with someone across the room. Look away. Then accidentally look back. Repeat until death.
You miss 100% of the naps you don’t take.
April 14, 2025 at 10:45 PM
You miss 100% of the naps you don’t take.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with checking to see if there will be wifi.
April 13, 2025 at 9:55 PM
The journey of a thousand miles starts with checking to see if there will be wifi.
When Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage, and all of the men and women are merely players” do you think he knew we were living in a simulation?
April 10, 2025 at 3:34 AM
When Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage, and all of the men and women are merely players” do you think he knew we were living in a simulation?
Just like with lines at the grocery store, had a 50-50 chance on Wordle and picked the wrong one.
Wordle 1,389 3/6
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Wordle 1,389 3/6
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
April 8, 2025 at 7:58 PM
Just like with lines at the grocery store, had a 50-50 chance on Wordle and picked the wrong one.
Wordle 1,389 3/6
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Wordle 1,389 3/6
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
I’m watching basketball. Just saw a player cross the half court line in front of his teammate who had the ball and for a split second thought they were going to call offsides.
March 29, 2025 at 2:09 AM
I’m watching basketball. Just saw a player cross the half court line in front of his teammate who had the ball and for a split second thought they were going to call offsides.
I tried to think of a way to always have clean bed sheets, so I bought bed sheets that are the same color as my wine.
March 28, 2025 at 5:14 PM
I tried to think of a way to always have clean bed sheets, so I bought bed sheets that are the same color as my wine.
What a wonderful world this might be if we spent less time defending our honor and more time defending our relationships.
March 28, 2025 at 2:03 AM
What a wonderful world this might be if we spent less time defending our honor and more time defending our relationships.
Had to say it to myself 3 times already this morning: You’ll never know what worse luck your bad luck saved you from.
March 28, 2025 at 12:46 AM
Had to say it to myself 3 times already this morning: You’ll never know what worse luck your bad luck saved you from.
“A bottle of wine is the ultimate distillation of time and place; a poetic expression of individuality itself.” ― Amor Towles
March 27, 2025 at 10:45 PM
“A bottle of wine is the ultimate distillation of time and place; a poetic expression of individuality itself.” ― Amor Towles
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.“ – Kurt Vonnegut
March 27, 2025 at 5:41 PM
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.“ – Kurt Vonnegut
"What wine goes with Captain Crunch?"
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
March 27, 2025 at 1:53 AM
"What wine goes with Captain Crunch?"
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
March 27, 2025 at 12:38 AM
You know which I prefer.
March 26, 2025 at 10:45 PM
You know which I prefer.
"Where there is no wine there is no love."
--Euripides
--Euripides
March 26, 2025 at 9:01 PM
"Where there is no wine there is no love."
--Euripides
--Euripides
“WINE! Because these problems aren’t going to solve THEMSELVES!”
― Comic Strip Mama
― Comic Strip Mama
March 26, 2025 at 5:19 PM
“WINE! Because these problems aren’t going to solve THEMSELVES!”
― Comic Strip Mama
― Comic Strip Mama
“If the women don’t find you handsome, at least they’ll find you handy.”
-Red Green
-Red Green
March 26, 2025 at 1:47 AM
“If the women don’t find you handsome, at least they’ll find you handy.”
-Red Green
-Red Green