The Eternal Test
@eternaltest.bsky.social
My life as a Cricinfo text commentary feed.
Scorer: @tommygarb.bsky.social
Scorer: @tommygarb.bsky.social
3.1 Hazlewood to Crawley, no run. Well left. Hazlewood tempted him with a ball outside off stump, but the big man Crawley shoulders arms . Disciplined.
Man in the crowd there, three cans of Kestrel down by 11.15am. Superb. He’ll probably think he’s a Kestrel by noon.
Man in the crowd there, three cans of Kestrel down by 11.15am. Superb. He’ll probably think he’s a Kestrel by noon.
January 25, 2026 at 5:26 PM
3.1 Hazlewood to Crawley, no run. Well left. Hazlewood tempted him with a ball outside off stump, but the big man Crawley shoulders arms . Disciplined.
Man in the crowd there, three cans of Kestrel down by 11.15am. Superb. He’ll probably think he’s a Kestrel by noon.
Man in the crowd there, three cans of Kestrel down by 11.15am. Superb. He’ll probably think he’s a Kestrel by noon.
3.2 Hazlewood to Crawley, no run. Just back of a length, nipping back. Hits the splice of the bat.
Speaking of all day drinking, I’ve just learned from a podcast that Nuns used to drink eight pints of beer a day.
Eight.
Speaking of all day drinking, I’ve just learned from a podcast that Nuns used to drink eight pints of beer a day.
Eight.
January 25, 2026 at 5:26 PM
3.2 Hazlewood to Crawley, no run. Just back of a length, nipping back. Hits the splice of the bat.
Speaking of all day drinking, I’ve just learned from a podcast that Nuns used to drink eight pints of beer a day.
Eight.
Speaking of all day drinking, I’ve just learned from a podcast that Nuns used to drink eight pints of beer a day.
Eight.
3.3 Hazlewood to Crawley, no run. Pitching on middle, straightening. Crawley is square on in defense.
56 pints a week. Did they drink on Sundays? Sod it, it’s the weekend. Let’s say 70.
Of course, back then beer was safer to drink than water. But imagine the scenes by Thursday.
56 pints a week. Did they drink on Sundays? Sod it, it’s the weekend. Let’s say 70.
Of course, back then beer was safer to drink than water. But imagine the scenes by Thursday.
January 25, 2026 at 5:26 PM
3.3 Hazlewood to Crawley, no run. Pitching on middle, straightening. Crawley is square on in defense.
56 pints a week. Did they drink on Sundays? Sod it, it’s the weekend. Let’s say 70.
Of course, back then beer was safer to drink than water. But imagine the scenes by Thursday.
56 pints a week. Did they drink on Sundays? Sod it, it’s the weekend. Let’s say 70.
Of course, back then beer was safer to drink than water. But imagine the scenes by Thursday.
3.4 Hazlewood to Crawley, 1 run. Worked gently to mid-wicket. A classic nurdle.
Vow of silence.
SSSSHHHH. Hahahahahaha. SSSSSHHHHHHH. No, you sush. Lishen. We’ve got. to keep. very. velly. quiet. Shooosh. Teresa, don’t piss there.
Vikings ransack monasteries.
‘Fight you’
Vow of silence.
SSSSHHHH. Hahahahahaha. SSSSSHHHHHHH. No, you sush. Lishen. We’ve got. to keep. very. velly. quiet. Shooosh. Teresa, don’t piss there.
Vikings ransack monasteries.
‘Fight you’
January 25, 2026 at 5:26 PM
3.4 Hazlewood to Crawley, 1 run. Worked gently to mid-wicket. A classic nurdle.
Vow of silence.
SSSSHHHH. Hahahahahaha. SSSSSHHHHHHH. No, you sush. Lishen. We’ve got. to keep. very. velly. quiet. Shooosh. Teresa, don’t piss there.
Vikings ransack monasteries.
‘Fight you’
Vow of silence.
SSSSHHHH. Hahahahahaha. SSSSSHHHHHHH. No, you sush. Lishen. We’ve got. to keep. very. velly. quiet. Shooosh. Teresa, don’t piss there.
Vikings ransack monasteries.
‘Fight you’
3.5 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Sightscreen Issue. Hold on, play is held up. Someone is moving behind the arm. Duckett is visibly frustrated. It’s the Kestrel!
The monks come round on a bender
Wassha dun to yer hair…
Benedict, youz so fiiiiine. Chastity Shashtitty.
The monks come round on a bender
Wassha dun to yer hair…
Benedict, youz so fiiiiine. Chastity Shashtitty.
January 25, 2026 at 5:26 PM
3.5 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Sightscreen Issue. Hold on, play is held up. Someone is moving behind the arm. Duckett is visibly frustrated. It’s the Kestrel!
The monks come round on a bender
Wassha dun to yer hair…
Benedict, youz so fiiiiine. Chastity Shashtitty.
The monks come round on a bender
Wassha dun to yer hair…
Benedict, youz so fiiiiine. Chastity Shashtitty.
2.1 Starc to Crawley, no run. Plenty of chatter from the slips - chirping away at Crawley, trying to get inside his head.
He stares them down, still grinning, like the Jolly Blonde Giant he is.
Pure Chirp from Marnus. Chirpy McChirpFace.
He stares them down, still grinning, like the Jolly Blonde Giant he is.
Pure Chirp from Marnus. Chirpy McChirpFace.
January 23, 2026 at 11:00 AM
2.1 Starc to Crawley, no run. Plenty of chatter from the slips - chirping away at Crawley, trying to get inside his head.
He stares them down, still grinning, like the Jolly Blonde Giant he is.
Pure Chirp from Marnus. Chirpy McChirpFace.
He stares them down, still grinning, like the Jolly Blonde Giant he is.
Pure Chirp from Marnus. Chirpy McChirpFace.
2.2 Starc to Crawley, 1 run.
Pushed into the gap at point for a comfortable single.
I used to be comfortably single...
Crawley looms over Duckett. Yo-ho-ho, green giant. That theme tune is in my head now. One from the old days.
Pushed into the gap at point for a comfortable single.
I used to be comfortably single...
Crawley looms over Duckett. Yo-ho-ho, green giant. That theme tune is in my head now. One from the old days.
January 23, 2026 at 11:00 AM
2.2 Starc to Crawley, 1 run.
Pushed into the gap at point for a comfortable single.
I used to be comfortably single...
Crawley looms over Duckett. Yo-ho-ho, green giant. That theme tune is in my head now. One from the old days.
Pushed into the gap at point for a comfortable single.
I used to be comfortably single...
Crawley looms over Duckett. Yo-ho-ho, green giant. That theme tune is in my head now. One from the old days.
2.3 Starc to Duckett, 4! Short and Duckett latches on! Dispatched over mid-wicket.
The old days. Only four TV channels. And no internet. Say this to the kids nowadays and they cannot process it.
Yeah, but you had Netflix, right? No internet.
Yeah, but you had YouTube, right?
The old days. Only four TV channels. And no internet. Say this to the kids nowadays and they cannot process it.
Yeah, but you had Netflix, right? No internet.
Yeah, but you had YouTube, right?
January 23, 2026 at 11:00 AM
2.3 Starc to Duckett, 4! Short and Duckett latches on! Dispatched over mid-wicket.
The old days. Only four TV channels. And no internet. Say this to the kids nowadays and they cannot process it.
Yeah, but you had Netflix, right? No internet.
Yeah, but you had YouTube, right?
The old days. Only four TV channels. And no internet. Say this to the kids nowadays and they cannot process it.
Yeah, but you had Netflix, right? No internet.
Yeah, but you had YouTube, right?
2.4 Starc to Duckett, no run. Good response from Starc, angling it across the left-hander.
Yeah, but you had TikTok, right? No internet.
You witness what can only be described as self-implosion. Like that Nazi face melting scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Yeah, but you had TikTok, right? No internet.
You witness what can only be described as self-implosion. Like that Nazi face melting scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
January 23, 2026 at 11:00 AM
2.4 Starc to Duckett, no run. Good response from Starc, angling it across the left-hander.
Yeah, but you had TikTok, right? No internet.
You witness what can only be described as self-implosion. Like that Nazi face melting scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Yeah, but you had TikTok, right? No internet.
You witness what can only be described as self-implosion. Like that Nazi face melting scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
2.5 Starc to Duckett, EDGED... but safe! Just short of the slip cordon.
Four TV channels. You really latched onto programmes — they were an event. Mark the calendar. Book the VHS. Circle the VideoPlus in the Radio Times. Don’t tape over Eurotrash from last night, I haven’t ‘used’ it yet.
Four TV channels. You really latched onto programmes — they were an event. Mark the calendar. Book the VHS. Circle the VideoPlus in the Radio Times. Don’t tape over Eurotrash from last night, I haven’t ‘used’ it yet.
January 23, 2026 at 11:00 AM
2.5 Starc to Duckett, EDGED... but safe! Just short of the slip cordon.
Four TV channels. You really latched onto programmes — they were an event. Mark the calendar. Book the VHS. Circle the VideoPlus in the Radio Times. Don’t tape over Eurotrash from last night, I haven’t ‘used’ it yet.
Four TV channels. You really latched onto programmes — they were an event. Mark the calendar. Book the VHS. Circle the VideoPlus in the Radio Times. Don’t tape over Eurotrash from last night, I haven’t ‘used’ it yet.
1.6 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Solid defense to end the over. A steady start. Is BazBall done after just 2 overs? We shall see!
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.6 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Solid defense to end the over. A steady start. Is BazBall done after just 2 overs? We shall see!
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
I'll also dig out a photo of my dog for the drinks break. They are good for the soul.🐶
End of Over 2: England 4-0 (Crawley 1, Duckett 3). Hazlewood 1-0-4-0.
1.5 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Beaten outside off stump. Beauty.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.5 Hazlewood to Duckett, no run. Beaten outside off stump. Beauty.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
Definitely in the covers I’d say. Some trouble getting the ball out of their mouth though. Probably run 12.
Derek from Northants asks;
‘what kind of dog would Gary Pratt be?’
Derek. We will revisit this.
1.4 Hazlewood to Crawley, 1 run. Played with soft hands. As soft as the fur on the back of a St Bernard. He kills the pace of the ball and drops it dead. They steal a quick single.
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.4 Hazlewood to Crawley, 1 run. Played with soft hands. As soft as the fur on the back of a St Bernard. He kills the pace of the ball and drops it dead. They steal a quick single.
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
Imagine if each team was allowed one dog in their team. Like a twelfth man. Like the hero Gary Pratt. What position?
1.3 Hazlewood to Duckett, 1 run. Cheeky. Drops the ball at his feet and scampers through for a single while Hazlewood isn't looking. Good rotation of strike. My dog wouldn’t have let that one through. Bloody love dogs. Want an Alsatian or one of them Belgian Malinois next. Big man dogs. Grrr.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.3 Hazlewood to Duckett, 1 run. Cheeky. Drops the ball at his feet and scampers through for a single while Hazlewood isn't looking. Good rotation of strike. My dog wouldn’t have let that one through. Bloody love dogs. Want an Alsatian or one of them Belgian Malinois next. Big man dogs. Grrr.
1.2 Hazlewood to Duckett, 2 runs. Clipped off the pads through square leg. Good running to get the first runs on the board.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
January 22, 2026 at 11:00 AM
1.2 Hazlewood to Duckett, 2 runs. Clipped off the pads through square leg. Good running to get the first runs on the board.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
A Springador, in case you were wondering. Female. Mental. Hell of a fielder, though.
0.6 MAIDEN OVER. Last delivery, down leg side, scrambled up by Carey. Survived. Starc puts on three jumpers. Syd and Eddie have a chat in the middle. Bethel looks postively pissed off. I'm off to give Steve a hug.
ENG 0-0 (1 over)
ENG 0-0 (1 over)
January 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM
0.6 MAIDEN OVER. Last delivery, down leg side, scrambled up by Carey. Survived. Starc puts on three jumpers. Syd and Eddie have a chat in the middle. Bethel looks postively pissed off. I'm off to give Steve a hug.
ENG 0-0 (1 over)
ENG 0-0 (1 over)