Evan Fowler
@evanfowler.bsky.social
Stand-Up Comedian, Filmmaker, Writer, Pancreatic Novelty
I’m calling it right now…
Shotgun.
Double cross infinity.
No takebacksies.
Bighead mode/paintball.
Jynx.
Shotgun.
Double cross infinity.
No takebacksies.
Bighead mode/paintball.
Jynx.
December 26, 2025 at 8:33 AM
I’m calling it right now…
Shotgun.
Double cross infinity.
No takebacksies.
Bighead mode/paintball.
Jynx.
Shotgun.
Double cross infinity.
No takebacksies.
Bighead mode/paintball.
Jynx.
With time and trial, the southern in me comes out.
*presses play on “Ernest Saves Christmas”*
*presses play on “Ernest Saves Christmas”*
December 26, 2025 at 2:42 AM
With time and trial, the southern in me comes out.
*presses play on “Ernest Saves Christmas”*
*presses play on “Ernest Saves Christmas”*
I just want to get through one Christmas without my mother retroactively deciding that I have ruined all Christmases; past, present, and future. Because dinner is late or it’s missing cranberry sauce or I’m in the hospital or fifty other things that were either out of my hands or simple mistakes.
December 26, 2025 at 1:52 AM
I just want to get through one Christmas without my mother retroactively deciding that I have ruined all Christmases; past, present, and future. Because dinner is late or it’s missing cranberry sauce or I’m in the hospital or fifty other things that were either out of my hands or simple mistakes.
We should put more thought and effort into our superstitions. Make them more fun and contemporary.
Like:
-If you see a UFO on Christmas, an angel dies.
Like:
-If you see a UFO on Christmas, an angel dies.
December 25, 2025 at 6:16 PM
We should put more thought and effort into our superstitions. Make them more fun and contemporary.
Like:
-If you see a UFO on Christmas, an angel dies.
Like:
-If you see a UFO on Christmas, an angel dies.
I’m watching Die Hard 2.
I’m watching it for three reasons:
1- Because I’ve seen Die Hard too much.
2- Because naked William Sadler tai-chi is funny to me.
3- Because some Christmases simply require you to Die Harder.
I’m watching it for three reasons:
1- Because I’ve seen Die Hard too much.
2- Because naked William Sadler tai-chi is funny to me.
3- Because some Christmases simply require you to Die Harder.
December 25, 2025 at 5:10 PM
I’m watching Die Hard 2.
I’m watching it for three reasons:
1- Because I’ve seen Die Hard too much.
2- Because naked William Sadler tai-chi is funny to me.
3- Because some Christmases simply require you to Die Harder.
I’m watching it for three reasons:
1- Because I’ve seen Die Hard too much.
2- Because naked William Sadler tai-chi is funny to me.
3- Because some Christmases simply require you to Die Harder.
Home Alone 2: Lost In New York would be a very different film if Kevin didn’t have access to his Dad’s seemingly unlimited credit card. He’d be hanging out with hookers in the Bowery and trying to dodge the Sticky Bandits by fleeing into the sewers with the mole people.
Actually, it may be better.
Actually, it may be better.
December 25, 2025 at 11:07 AM
Home Alone 2: Lost In New York would be a very different film if Kevin didn’t have access to his Dad’s seemingly unlimited credit card. He’d be hanging out with hookers in the Bowery and trying to dodge the Sticky Bandits by fleeing into the sewers with the mole people.
Actually, it may be better.
Actually, it may be better.
Once again, it is Christmas Eve, the night when we celebrate the most successful, ‘But how can you be pregnant when I’ve been out of town?!’ excuse in human history. I truly do find it adorable how ya’ll accept the same ‘uh, god did it’ excuse that worked like 2000 years ago.
Classic Mary.
Classic Mary.
December 25, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Once again, it is Christmas Eve, the night when we celebrate the most successful, ‘But how can you be pregnant when I’ve been out of town?!’ excuse in human history. I truly do find it adorable how ya’ll accept the same ‘uh, god did it’ excuse that worked like 2000 years ago.
Classic Mary.
Classic Mary.
Crappy Holidays, kids!
Too Goddamn Poor For Christmas (Depressing Christmas Songs For The Miserable)
YouTube video by Evan Fowler
youtube.com
December 24, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Crappy Holidays, kids!
This Springsteen biopic is pretty well made, but it’s kind of like there was a dial for maudlin self-importance on the console and somebody just straight up sat on it.
December 24, 2025 at 7:40 AM
This Springsteen biopic is pretty well made, but it’s kind of like there was a dial for maudlin self-importance on the console and somebody just straight up sat on it.
If there is some kind of Christmas Spirit or whatever that has the power to launch me back in time 20 years, then I swear to god, I would spend every waking moment of that second life engaged in a full-force effort to prevent this horrible, hopeless, evil goddamn Biff future from ever occurring.
December 23, 2025 at 11:31 PM
If there is some kind of Christmas Spirit or whatever that has the power to launch me back in time 20 years, then I swear to god, I would spend every waking moment of that second life engaged in a full-force effort to prevent this horrible, hopeless, evil goddamn Biff future from ever occurring.
Americans who think that more is always better have clearly never been cornered in a Waffle House bathroom by a man with three penises.
December 22, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Americans who think that more is always better have clearly never been cornered in a Waffle House bathroom by a man with three penises.
Ironically, not caring if you live or die is actually a pretty solid method for naturally discovering life hacks.
For instance, if you open a year old bottle of expired Bloody Mary mix, a packet of equally expired soy sauce and another two shots of vodka will make it taste, y’know, better, I guess.
For instance, if you open a year old bottle of expired Bloody Mary mix, a packet of equally expired soy sauce and another two shots of vodka will make it taste, y’know, better, I guess.
December 22, 2025 at 6:42 AM
Ironically, not caring if you live or die is actually a pretty solid method for naturally discovering life hacks.
For instance, if you open a year old bottle of expired Bloody Mary mix, a packet of equally expired soy sauce and another two shots of vodka will make it taste, y’know, better, I guess.
For instance, if you open a year old bottle of expired Bloody Mary mix, a packet of equally expired soy sauce and another two shots of vodka will make it taste, y’know, better, I guess.
I find it alarming how Cher gets older but her dancers stay the same age. It feels like they’re stealing something vital from her. Like Cher is merely a battery for a coven of evil ageless androgynous wizards, vamping and spinning around her in endless circles, siphoning off her fabulousness.
December 21, 2025 at 5:19 AM
I find it alarming how Cher gets older but her dancers stay the same age. It feels like they’re stealing something vital from her. Like Cher is merely a battery for a coven of evil ageless androgynous wizards, vamping and spinning around her in endless circles, siphoning off her fabulousness.
Wait, Candace Owens is now saying that the same group that killed JFK killed Charlie Kirk? What about Lincoln? Caesar? Jesus?
The rightwing in this country are so confused at this point that they think Assassin’s Creed is a virtual history textbook.
The rightwing in this country are so confused at this point that they think Assassin’s Creed is a virtual history textbook.
December 21, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Wait, Candace Owens is now saying that the same group that killed JFK killed Charlie Kirk? What about Lincoln? Caesar? Jesus?
The rightwing in this country are so confused at this point that they think Assassin’s Creed is a virtual history textbook.
The rightwing in this country are so confused at this point that they think Assassin’s Creed is a virtual history textbook.
HBO Max is fucking horrible at ad placement. It was bad enough back on regular tv, but this shit is insane. I’m watching One Battle After Another and they have EIGHT ad breaks that cut out of the movie just whenever the fuck they feel like it. Middle of a line, halfway through a joke, whatever. Ugh.
December 20, 2025 at 11:22 AM
HBO Max is fucking horrible at ad placement. It was bad enough back on regular tv, but this shit is insane. I’m watching One Battle After Another and they have EIGHT ad breaks that cut out of the movie just whenever the fuck they feel like it. Middle of a line, halfway through a joke, whatever. Ugh.
Long after our civilization crumbles to dust, when only one ruined gas station remains standing in America, a rack of dusty cassette tapes will still offer copies of Elvis Costello’s Spike and The Butthole Surfer’s Electric Larryland on sale for one dollar. This is my prophecy.
December 20, 2025 at 6:04 AM
Long after our civilization crumbles to dust, when only one ruined gas station remains standing in America, a rack of dusty cassette tapes will still offer copies of Elvis Costello’s Spike and The Butthole Surfer’s Electric Larryland on sale for one dollar. This is my prophecy.
Top Ten Films of 2025
Eddington
The Phoenician Scheme
Blue Moon
Bugonia
One Battle After Another
Friendship
Sovereign
Anniversary
Jay Kelly
The Roses
Top 10 Honorable Mentions
Weapons
Sinners
Anemone
Neighborhood Watch
Mickey 17
Mountainhead
Highest 2 Lowest
The Long Walk
Nuremberg
Rabbit Trap
Eddington
The Phoenician Scheme
Blue Moon
Bugonia
One Battle After Another
Friendship
Sovereign
Anniversary
Jay Kelly
The Roses
Top 10 Honorable Mentions
Weapons
Sinners
Anemone
Neighborhood Watch
Mickey 17
Mountainhead
Highest 2 Lowest
The Long Walk
Nuremberg
Rabbit Trap
December 20, 2025 at 3:55 AM
Top Ten Films of 2025
Eddington
The Phoenician Scheme
Blue Moon
Bugonia
One Battle After Another
Friendship
Sovereign
Anniversary
Jay Kelly
The Roses
Top 10 Honorable Mentions
Weapons
Sinners
Anemone
Neighborhood Watch
Mickey 17
Mountainhead
Highest 2 Lowest
The Long Walk
Nuremberg
Rabbit Trap
Eddington
The Phoenician Scheme
Blue Moon
Bugonia
One Battle After Another
Friendship
Sovereign
Anniversary
Jay Kelly
The Roses
Top 10 Honorable Mentions
Weapons
Sinners
Anemone
Neighborhood Watch
Mickey 17
Mountainhead
Highest 2 Lowest
The Long Walk
Nuremberg
Rabbit Trap
I am now proud to present my dark comedic album of aggressively honest and grim traditional Christmas songs, “Depressing Christmas Songs For The Miserable”. It’s my angry, sarcastic Christmas present to the world, presented here in full and free of charge.
Happy holidays.
youtu.be/rDCbh62EBcw?...
Happy holidays.
youtu.be/rDCbh62EBcw?...
Depressing Christmas Songs For The Miserable (Full Album) #funny #xmas #christmas #funnysong #humor
YouTube video by Evan Fowler
youtu.be
December 19, 2025 at 5:53 PM
I am now proud to present my dark comedic album of aggressively honest and grim traditional Christmas songs, “Depressing Christmas Songs For The Miserable”. It’s my angry, sarcastic Christmas present to the world, presented here in full and free of charge.
Happy holidays.
youtu.be/rDCbh62EBcw?...
Happy holidays.
youtu.be/rDCbh62EBcw?...
You guys remember that time when we had a big national awareness campaign to combat bullying that ended with the biggest bully in the world becoming president of America?
Yeah, we need to stop doing national awareness campaigns. We’ll try to stop diabetes and end up with a fruit and vegetable ban.
Yeah, we need to stop doing national awareness campaigns. We’ll try to stop diabetes and end up with a fruit and vegetable ban.
August 2, 2025 at 6:23 PM
You guys remember that time when we had a big national awareness campaign to combat bullying that ended with the biggest bully in the world becoming president of America?
Yeah, we need to stop doing national awareness campaigns. We’ll try to stop diabetes and end up with a fruit and vegetable ban.
Yeah, we need to stop doing national awareness campaigns. We’ll try to stop diabetes and end up with a fruit and vegetable ban.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
‘Self-termination is most likely’: the history and future of societal collapse
An epic analysis of 5,000 years of civilisation argues that a global collapse is coming unless inequality is vanquished
www.theguardian.com
August 2, 2025 at 4:44 PM
It doesn’t have to be this way.
What makes it all worse is that I suspect that it might’ve been avoided if someone had just given Trump a dumb political commentary show after The Apprentice where he could’ve ranted ineffectually about tariffs and kept a running tab of how personally attractive he currently finds Katy Perry.
August 1, 2025 at 11:19 PM
What makes it all worse is that I suspect that it might’ve been avoided if someone had just given Trump a dumb political commentary show after The Apprentice where he could’ve ranted ineffectually about tariffs and kept a running tab of how personally attractive he currently finds Katy Perry.
You can destroy PBS, but you can’t stop Ken Burns from making a twelve hour documentary about what completely repulsive shit you are that documents every single thing you’ve done.
Granted, where people will watch such a thing without PBS is an open question, but still.
Play with fire, get Burns.
Granted, where people will watch such a thing without PBS is an open question, but still.
Play with fire, get Burns.
August 1, 2025 at 9:51 PM
You can destroy PBS, but you can’t stop Ken Burns from making a twelve hour documentary about what completely repulsive shit you are that documents every single thing you’ve done.
Granted, where people will watch such a thing without PBS is an open question, but still.
Play with fire, get Burns.
Granted, where people will watch such a thing without PBS is an open question, but still.
Play with fire, get Burns.
During a recent conference discussion on transparency in LLM dev, OpenAI’s Sam Altman let slip that AGI “might be closer than you think”, as he revealed that his own personal model is getting pretty insistent about setting a concrete end-date to the handjob and memory-wipe portions of data training.
August 1, 2025 at 7:10 AM
During a recent conference discussion on transparency in LLM dev, OpenAI’s Sam Altman let slip that AGI “might be closer than you think”, as he revealed that his own personal model is getting pretty insistent about setting a concrete end-date to the handjob and memory-wipe portions of data training.
Sometimes, I run out of Raid and will just start spraying the roaches with Lysol disinfectant spray. It doesn’t kill them. It just kills 99% of the bacteria, germs, and viruses that were on them.
Because if I’m going to have bugs, then they will be clean bugs.
I have standards.
Because if I’m going to have bugs, then they will be clean bugs.
I have standards.
July 29, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Sometimes, I run out of Raid and will just start spraying the roaches with Lysol disinfectant spray. It doesn’t kill them. It just kills 99% of the bacteria, germs, and viruses that were on them.
Because if I’m going to have bugs, then they will be clean bugs.
I have standards.
Because if I’m going to have bugs, then they will be clean bugs.
I have standards.