I am on my HOLIDAYS

New rug. I've had to replace so many boring but necessary things in the house this year that I thought we were due a little fun 😊

Feel free to commit a murder in front of the spawn. She won't notice.

You'd think, if you sat here, you'd spot the 6ft Christmas tree flickering away in the next room. It might not be decorated yet, but the lights are on (more than you can say for the spawn).

But apparently not.

Madam's ban on Christmas decorations before December is nearly up.

Now to clear a space to put them. Christmas trees are essentially weebles in terms of balance, aren't they? 😬

You know you've lost it when you're idly flicking through the Ocado magazine, think 'ooh, chilli jam ham', and try to click on the picture...

It's possible that I may be ordering too much online.

Early Christmas present to myself, and I'm delighted.

Because everyone needs a dinosaur with a crown in their downstairs loo 🥰

Turf wars at Wigham Towers. Ichabod ate Mr Squiddy.

He swears blind that it was an accident, but I'm not sure I believe him.

The cat silently noted the incident, and is now deliberating strategic retaliation. She plays a long game. I will be barricaded in my bedroom until December.

I was looking for theatre in Eastbourne in November or December. I booked Suede and the Manic Street Preachers in London next July.

Laser focus and consistency. The hallmarks of an incisive mind.