Back in the day, the gaming industry would have an annual Spaghetti Fight with everyone, until John Romero decided to be a crybaby and whine about his spaghetti-caked eyes.

I threw out my back last night and it’s been killing me. I feel like Michael Jackson tossing and turning on his deathbed.

Video game mascots are important. Nintendo has Mario. Sony has Joel & Ellie. Valve has Gordon Freeman. And Microsoft had Jeffrey Epstein.

The lesson I’ve learned from Maury Povich is that anyone can be a father, but not everyone can be a true dad.

One time Donkey Kong came to a meeting and just took a big stanky shit on the table. We all looked at each other and just laughed. And then we sold his ass to Rare.

If you stand between me and my collection of measuring tapes, you will regret it and then you will die.

I can’t believe they got rid of the cop and the robber from the Cookie Crisp cereal box. Why did they do that? It was such a tragedy.

They say to never kick a man when he is down but they never said anything about when he is sleeping.